The 9 Types of Britney Spears Concert Fans
THE STRAIGHT GUYS
While few in number, representatives of the breeding male population do indeed make cameos at Britney concerts. Almost all of them are dutifully playing the role of the unwilling-but-submissive boyfriend (often to the Young Skank), dragged in as retribution for forgetting a birthday or just some good ol’ “bonding time.”
Whether they’re scoping out the crowd for an opportune nip-slip or listening for another yelp of “My pussy’s hanging out!” from the stage, these boys are here for the T&A. With one arm secured behind their lady, The Straight Guys aren’t just marking their territory.
In the presence of seven-foot trannies and fire-engine red flamers, they’re struggling to hold on to their machismo. In some cases, exercises in identity validation may prove vital, so remember: If you’re a lady attending the Britney show and you feel a slight tap on the ass, don’t worry—it’s not rude…it’s just necessary at some point.
Aside from being a full fledged star, Bradley Stern is an up-and-coming young sprout who enjoys chocolate teddy grahams, organizing his Britney Spears singles in reverse chronological order, and musing about music on his pop music blog, MuuMuse. Email him at brad@queerty.com.
On: Sep 9, 2009
Tagged: Britney Spears, Entertainment, Music
Love, Love!!! this article. Was really great how many different people one artist can attract.
So these women are for the most part ugly, slutty, too old, or stupid. Got it.
I bet they also have cooties.
Your disdain for the nu-gay made me smile. I love what you do, and MuuMuse. and how dreamy you are. xo
This article was hilarious and so freaking true. Good work!
*giggles like a school girl*
I did not dislike the article, but I think the easy cattiness would be more at place in Perez or Dlisted. One of the reasons I read Queerty is because it tries to be a part of the discussion, rather than merely cannibalise pop culture.
Oh, and Brad, if you’re reading this, in lieu means “instead”.
Remember Britney was the beam of briliance who stood up for Bush! I guess she did say she would tangkle tits with madonna if that’s a plus.
Frank, where did Bradley mention anything about females being ugly? the whole article was done in humorous form yyet somehow you managed to get offended. If you paid attention you would see that Bradley was more comically deprecating towards his own fellow gays than any female at the concerts.
haha. I went to her show last night in chicago and i must say, you did not miss a person!
I have to admitt…..I saw britney on the 5th and I was not impressed but when she did Alanis…You have that wrong…! She was awesome with that song live! As for the show..well…..My son love it! the youger generation loves britney more than Us older individuals…(38 Here…LOL I totally love No6 -FRUNCED …..GREAT RESPONSE! LOL If Britney was allowed to do her own music and do her own show! Without the record companies up her ass…LOL I think she would and could be a much better preformer! She obviously does have talent …I saw that @ the concert!
Hilarious!!!! You almost got it down pat, but you missed the mid-late twenties normal people who were horrified by all the skank and felt woefully out of place.
I grew up listening to Britney (I realized that I have been a fan of hers since 1998!!) and always wanted to see her live… but I realized at the concert that maybe it is a good thing that I have outgrown Ms. Spears! I immediately wanted to take a shower when I got home, just to wash off the teenage whore residue that stuck to my clothing.