Episode Five of Logo’s The A-List Dallas was a bit poky (compared to the histrionics of earlier installments) but there was still the main storyline this week that followed spoiled party boy/proto-alcoholic James, fretting about having nothing to do all day while people are actually working.
Sigh.
James is burning through his trust fund and decides to become a party promoter because he already spends most of his time getting wasted in one club or another. “How hard can it be?” he asks in a confessional interview. (Foreshadowing alert).
Of course, he comes to this decision while slurping wine and having his hair trimmed. The stylist wonders if it’s possible for James to handle a lick of responsibility given his tendency to pound down the hooch and then cry. This will be the first of many times this question is asked but James, as we’ve learned, cannot take a hint.
In a confessional, Levi mumbles something about wanting to just fool around and not become too attached to anyone in particular. “My other boyfriends would get upset,” he says. (Cue the soap-opera dun-dun-DUNNN sound effect.)
Right on cue, we’re treated to an odd scene between Taylor and Ashley as they shop at a pet supply store, where Ashley recounts her public fight with Levi at his promotional event over the infamously craptastic Inch Wear photo shoot. It’s a weird conversation because Taylor the Terrible gleefully insults Levi’s weight and alcohol intake but seconds later he’s still acting as if he and Levi are meant to be together.
Taylor and Levi go on a date at a deserted miniature golf course where they flirt, giggle and kiss; and yet, moments later, he cruelly mocks Levi’s stuttering laugh and behaves like he wants to boil his bunny. Taylor’s mood and motivation flip-flops so often between his confessional interviews and his staged encounters with castmates that it’s not clear if he’s bipolar or merely the victim of Frankenbiting (reality-TV parlance for editing snippets of dialogue out of context to create an entirely different conversation).
James believes party promotion is an excellent career path because of his numerous connections in the Dallas social scene. But when the nightclub owner ends up in the hospital, we learn that he had agreed to wrangle the potential go-go boys and set up a casting session to allow James to pick his favorites and arrange for their wardrobe.
James, already a model of efficiency, has none of the relevant contact information to carry on by himself—and the party is in two days. (So much for those vaunted connections.) He swallows his pride and calls Levi for assistance in arranging everything. Why Levi, whom he detests and lusts for in equal measure? Why not his friend Chase, who is known for his big parties? Why not one of the dozens of party planners and stylists who flock like crows around the highways and byways of Dallas?
Because it’s reality television, kidlinks.
He does, however, have time for a photo shoot. Of course, the photographer is Ashley. And, of course, James is late: he overslept, his alarm clock wasn’t turned on, the battery died on his phone. The photos are to be used to promote the party, which has a military theme. But Ashley, who doesn’t have the greatest track record with this crew, dresses up James in football gear. Did she just decide to do her own thing or did James forget to tell her about the military theme? Probably both.
She also encourages him to “channel his inner straight man” and to butch up his mannerisms. Elsewhere this episode, Ashley further endears herself to gay male viewers of this program by complaining that Levi acted too much like a straight guy when he cracked wise about her breasts in the previous episode. She whines that she considers him a girlfriend and pouts when Levi tells her to just consider him as a man, not a “gay man.” What I think the conflict-averse Levi meant was that he doesn’t want Ashley to view him as another one of her mincing party favors. Her view of homosexual men as inherently effeminate poodles is deeply irritating. Some of us are finger-snapping drama queens and some of us are beer-swilling, football-loving homebodies.
And some of us are both of those things.
She then tries to role-play the conversation Phillip would have with his mother in which he comes out to her. But that fails, too. He can’t bring himself say the word “gay” or “homosexual” in relation to himself in the presence of his mother.
Any sort of empathy gay viewers might have for Phillip is tempered this episode by a vignette in which he and Ashley boy-watch over lunch. He complains that he’s been single for years—his “sexy Mexi” Leo from previous episodes having apparently hightailed it out of Dodge—and Ashley urges him to go chat with a cute guy sitting nearby, a “random stranger” not at all confused, no doubt, by the cameras trained on him as he tries to eat his sandwich.
Did I mention Ashley unloads a can of hair spray on her golden curls as she dispenses this advice? Hilarious.
Phillip strikes up a conversation with the “random stranger” and it inevitably falls flat. They trade numbers and he slinks back to Ashley, where he proceeds to insult the man’s fingernails, shoes and “busted iPhone.” He and Ashley agree that he did the “random stranger” a favor by showing him some attention.
Lovely, eh?
And just when you might want to encourage Phillip to take a long walk off a short pier, there is a wonderful bit of interplay between Phillip and his father, whom he hasn’t seen in years. It’s clear he’s a chip off the old block. “You look beautiful but so am I!” exclaims Phillip Sr. when they meet. He is encouraging and supportive and flatly tells his son that his mother may never come around and advises him to just love himself anyway. It’s a lovely bit of father-son bonding that is all too rarely shown in gay-focused media.
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Chase lures Levi outside into the parking lot for a makeout session. They smoke and Levi thunders out an alcohol-soaked belch but Chase still wants to tap that again and they proceed to passionately kiss. (Forget the underwear, Levi. Try bottling your pheromones instead.)
As Logo has already revealed in the commercials, Ashley wanders outside for some reason and spots the boys mid-buss. She is shocked—shocked—and worries that Taylor the Terrible will be crushed and heartbroken by this betrayal. Show of hands, now: who believes her?
That’s what I thought.
Next week: Taylor and Levi clash (again)! James gets drunk (again)! Ashley whines (again)! Phillip shrieks and punches James! Yee-haw!
JC Adams is a Los Angeles-based writer, filmmaker and blogger of moderate renown. His first book, Gay Porn Heroes (Bruno Gmunder), was published in September 2011. Find him on Twitter @GPTimes.
Michael
Hilarious recap of this god awful show.No offense to fans I just can’t stand these negative stereotypes of the lgbt community.Shows like this do not help either.Solely my opinion.
Bigg
This show is an affront to any self-respecting gay man. Nobody with the smallest shred of dignity would act the way these men do, and none of us should emulate them.
wayne
Are the assholes that run Logo all a bunch of self-hating queens or are they a bunch of anti-gay Repubicans? I know this paid advert from Logo is supposed to make us want to watch, but the first paragraph alone proves there’s nothing on this show worth watching.
itsanasteroidintheshapeofanass
This a scripted show right?? I mean these people cannot really be acting like this in real life right?? right??!!!!!???!!!!!
HM
Legalize Gay…..what? Being a childish slut?
Seriously. It’s an inportant cause, not a ‘conversation-toungesucking in the parking lot’ starting tee shirt…..and by the looks of it, NOTHING you’ll have any interest in taking advantage of….
Ogre Magi
I wouldn’t watch that show if I was paid to!
Dave Lara
Welcome to the big bad gay world.
Dave L.
Dirty Old Gay Guy
Trip
Sorry, JC, but despite your best PC efforts to argue otherwise, there’s no mistaking Phillip’s mannerisms for anything but flaming homosexual. Period. Yes, it’s true that not all gay men act/behave in a certain way, but conversely, anyone and everyone who acts/speaks/flutters like Phillip is unmistakeably gay.
wayne
@itsanasteroidintheshapeofanass: Considering that the NY version built a storyline around one of their guy’s future appearance in Playgirl only to have PG come out later and admit he was never going to be in PG, I’d say, yeah, this whole series is scripted bullshit. It’s like watching a poorly acted, poorly written shitcom. Why bother?
Angel
I like this show !!! Maybe cause Im smart enough to know its just suppose to be fun. I dont take it too serious and I dont feel it has to represent me or my lifestyle.
What?
Why is this a show? Sounds less interesting than Real Housewives already is. No thanks.
Ronbo
This is a seriously bad show for the LGBT community. LOGO must have the NOM agenda in mind when they present gays as vapid, pretentious and fake. I’m for people being who they are on the inside; but, this group seems scripted by advertisers to sell crapola that 99% of gays don’t want or need. (Who the hell needs a party planner? For God’s sake we ARE gay)
I don’t see a genuine person in the group; they are competing to be top of this pyramid of emptiness. “There’s just something obvious about emptiness, even when you try to convince yourself otherwise.”
LOGO, call me. I’ll give you this same show only focus on people searching to fill their lives with love – instead of liquor, possessions and false images. The sex, well, we’ll keep that in there to grow the audience.
Ronbo
@Angel: Angel, Imagine your co-workers watching this show and saying, “Angel is gay too.” Doesn’t that make you cringe?