Episode seven of Logo’s The A-List: Dallas is all about the aftermath of last week’s alcohol-soaked, fist-flying, insult-spewing bust-ups between former besties Phillip and James, and ex-lovers Levi and Taylor. Caught in the middle is Princess Ashley, aglow with spray tan and the glory of Jebus, as she tries to pull James back from the brink of drowning his wounded heart in the bottom of a martini glass.
The episode opens with Phillip and Levi sparring in an empty boxing gym; Dallas could a ghost town to judge from how often the ALD castmates interact in virtually deserted venues. Anyway, they trash talk James and then gossip about Taylor the Terrible. Levi is happy to participate. Phillip nonchalantly spills the beans about his own role in provoking Taylor. Even though Levi’s jaw drops at Phillip’s breezy dismissal of his own shit-stirring antics, our laconic cowboy, ever conflict-avoidant, lets him off the hook.
Elsewhere, Ashley takes James for a stroll in the park and tries to talk some sense into his booze-addled brain. But James just isn’t listening. She gingerly broaches the notion of rehab and he is scornful and condescending. “How do I talk to you without you flipping out?” she asks.
Once again, however, Ashley undermines any good will generated by her concern for her friends with a head-spinning whopper of a casual remark. In commenting on her addiction to spray tanning, she wishes aloud that she were half-black and half-Mexican—with a quick amendment that she has to still be white, too. Agh!
But Ash also refers to being gay as “the homosexual lifestyle” and remains stubbornly fixed on the idea that all gay men are inherently finger-snapping, wig-snatching flamers. And the male model for her photo shoot is made up as “half straight-guy, half drag queen.” Except the “straight guy” look is long, flowing hair and the “drag queen” is basically goth eyeliner. Oh, Princess Ashley! Once again you stamp out the tender sprouts of empathy just as they break through to the sun.
Continuing this season’s subplot involving the often complicated, emotionally fraught relationship between gay men and their families, there is a heartwarming scene between Chase and his Aunt Jena and Uncle Gary. They are apparently the only members of his ultra-conservative family who will have anything to do with him (“They don’t like me, either,” Uncle Gary jokes good-naturedly). Chase is in a funk about celebrating another birthday without the participation of his immediate family.
It turns out Aunt Jena is the person Chase called in desperation, some years back, when he was contemplating suicide. She talked him out of it and remains a stalwart supporter. She tells him his parents are missing out on someone worth knowing. Kudos to you, Aunt Jena!
Meanwhile, Taylor the Terrible and James meet for lunch in a mostly empty restaurant to bond over a shared dislike for Levi; the fact that James caught up Taylor in a bar fight that led to his being 86’ed from the venue is apparently water under the bridge. Taylor has hatched a scheme to exact revenge on Chase, with whom Levi had been bird-dogging behind Taylor’s back when they were “monogamously dating,” by hooking up with Chase’s handsome BFF Mohammed.
Honestly, it’s a weak plan for a schemer like Taylor. Even the halfway-soused James is nonplussed by the idea. Pop quiz: who thinks anyone will buy that Taylor has suddenly found romance with the best friend of his reviled ex-boyfriend’s equally reviled new lover? Exactly. Come now, Taylor. We expect nothing short of Levi strapped to a table in your secret laboratory as a laser burns a line straight to his fabled crotch. Taylor does claim that this plan for revenge was “a thought from God.” Yup, that’s more like it.
Come on, that’s hilarious!
The hunky, good-natured Mohammed somehow takes it all in stride. He flirts with Taylor and invites him as his date to the dual birthday parties that he and Chase are throwing for each other. Taylor’s thirst for revenge is so obvious he might as well be twirling a mustache. But it either goes right over Mohammed’s head or else he’s been instructed by the producers to play along.
Meanwhile, Ashley is still trying to save James’ soul. She drags him to church and the scene is introduced with organ music. Of course the scene is introduced with organ music.
She and James sit down with the kindly Reverend Jo and listen as James gives his practiced spiel about how a life of laying around the pool and burning up his trust fund and draining the hooch from the local watering holes is so, like, y’know, whatever. Ashley flatly tells him he’s losing it; James squirms and deflects blame. Reverend Jo imparts wise counsel and they pray. Ashley is pleased but James makes it clear, in a confessional interview, that he was only humoring her and the good reverend.
Oh, this will not end well…
The group converges on a local nightclub for Chase and Mohammed’s dual birthday shindigs. The place is packed to the rafters for once; it’s clear James was not the party promoter this time around. Chase and Levi, who is already hammered, flirt and kiss and kvetch about—who else?—Taylor the Terrible. Mohammed appears and reveals that Taylor stood him up as his date. Everyone commiserates and for good measure throws in a round of eye-rolling about James and his perpetual state of victimhood.
The final scene involves James and Levi attempting to reconcile. Earlier, Phillip made it clear to Ashley that he’d rather eat glass than accept an apology from James. But he gives it the old college try even as they end up briefly trading insults. In real life, he and James would wash their hands of each other. But it’s reality teevee, so Phillip actually decides to forgive James. Okay, that’s not helping. They hug it out and start pounding down the booze. Princess Ashley is not gonna like this.
Next week: Chase and Taylor get passive-aggressive! Levi might move to Florida! Phillip stirs up shit between Chase and Levi! Git along now!
JC Adams is a Los Angeles-based writer, filmmaker and blogger of moderate renown. His first book, Gay Porn Heroes (Bruno Gmunder), was published in September 2011. Find him on Twitter @GPTimes.
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iluvrottis
Enjoyed the recap. Levi and Chia Pet Hair Chase are trying to convince us that
Taylor is a manipulative bitch. Maybe, but Chia Pet Hair is far superior in that department – he is a puppet master and Levi couldn’t catch a clue if someone through it at him. His bitchiness is perfected but Taylor’s needs work, it doesn’t look as
effortless as CPH Chase.
Taylor is becoming the Rodiney and I’m starting to feel very sorry for him. Get him
a new storyline and move some else into the luv triangle. Find him someone else
more his equal, at least in intelligence. Sorry, but Levi is quickly losing his
appeal. He’s too drunk, slurry, crude, and just plain dumb.
But, I’m watching this train wreck with glee. I wonder how much is actually real.
iluvrottis
@iluvrottis:
Meant to say “threw it at him…” not “through,” it’s late.
Stephen
Great recap. Poor JC Andrews forced to write about this crap show.
AmberV
@iluvrottis: I completely agree with you! Levi has been a sloppy drunk since the third episode. That crooked nose and love handles doesn’t help either. Taylor is the best character on the show. Period! Don’t even get me started on elf-eared Chase.
Ronbo
My recap:
Background noise with silly pretend-time boys. Surfing the web and I want to give LOGO its’ 4th audience member. Wish LOGO would give me some respect. Is anyone REALLY watching?