Lots of revelations among the List-ers this week—some of them Cinnabon-ishly sweet; some like newly-peeled layers of sunburned skin. And some are just straight-up lies told to a camera.
10. Austin is so skilled in the ways of consuming alcohol that he no longer needs anything but his forearm to open a bottle, presumably even one that isn’t twist-off. Also in this inspirational bottle-opening scene, he’s shirtless and shows just enough moob to make thousands of haters feel justified in extending the ongoing falsehood that he’s fat.
9. Kathy Griffin shows up. This being a gay show, that’s not a revelation. The shocker is how little of the episode they choose to devote to her. Nyasha talking about Nyasha while sitting behind her desk in the walk-in-closet-sized office of her wig empire, however, takes about 23 minutes of airtime.
8. Nyasha has an assistant named Asif (a-SEEF, not AS IF). He creates bow-tie -like ornaments out of gift ribbon and decorates his neck with them. It’s kind of awesome, actually—the kind of style move that takes a lot of effort and practice. Don’t judge him for not devoting more time to local orphans or whatever. Everybody has their part to play in this life.
7. Austin and Jake plan to renew their wedding vows after being together for one year. This is, apparently, an actual thing that people do. It’s on the Internet.
“My vag needs it.”
“She’s a business, too.” (referring to the aforementioned vag)
“I masturbate to your pictures.” (Said to bisexual Rodiney, who would now like to take it all back.)
5. Austin can gossip-text with his phone while having his teeth laser-whitened… as he opens a bottle of booze with his forearm.
4. Jake voices concern that Austin cannot stop flirting with Reichen. Austin thinks that Jake—the love of his life, the man with whom he’s planning to renew his vows— is a “stupid English prig.” To prove that he’s not just saying this to be petty, hurtful and stupid himself, Austin repeats “stupid” a second time in the space of 30 seconds. Place your bets now on whether or not the word will appear in his vows.
2. Nyasha throws a launch party for Nyasha’s wig business that’s already a few years old. Curious, but not so surprising for a show that needs to manufacture plots involving fencing matches and nightclub events devoted to gigantic mock-up cans of spray-on tan. At the launch, there’s a step-and-repeat mobbed by three or four photographers. It appears that Nyasha alone is to be photographed in front of it, as nobody else is waiting their turn. Again, not a big thing for a show that has to make sure the viewing public understands that these people are celebrities, no matter how uncelebrated they are. The revelation here, then, is that T.J. arrives wearing a giant bow on his head made out of fake hair—and it looks absolutely correct on him. He also probably wore it around town the next day.
1. Grindr is pronounced GREEN-dur. Thanks, Rodiney.