Queerty is better as a member

Log in | Register
  MILK'D

The Best & Worst Gay Jokes From James Franco’s Comedy Central Roast

james-franco-roast

While Miley Cyrus was twerking overtime to scandalize America (and scarring the Pinkett-Smith children for life) in Brooklyn, over on the West Coast, our favorite dubiously heterosexual, dubiously talented actor-filmmaker-author-artist-scholar-stoner was being treated to his very own Comedy Central Roast. James Franco’s friends and frenemies showed up with guns and blunts blazing to rake the multi-hyphenate over the coals in LA on Sunday. But what kind of James Franco roast would it be without some jokes poking phallic fun at his sexuality?

Since I’ve rarely met a gay joke I didn’t like, or make, we’ll leave it up to you to decide which are the best and the worst ones:

Seth Rogen: ”Every guy wants to be him and he wants to be in every guy.”

Sarah Silverman: “I don’t think James is gay or straight. It’s just that he literally can’t open his eyes enough to see who he’s fucking.”

Andy Samberg: ”James is so bad in bed, he doesn’t even clean the jizz off my back when he is finished. Talk about chivalry being dead!”

Nick Kroll: “I could see him being gay for a year as an art installation.”

Rogen: “If there were two James Francos, they’d never stop butt-fucking each other.”

Jonah Hill: “He’s like our generation’s Johnny Depp, if Johnny Depp was a worse actor who blew guys.”

Rogen (comparing James Dean to Franco): “They both sucked some dicks and made three good movies.”

Silverman: “James recently won the ally award for his support of the LGBT community. It’s a prestigious award that’s given anally…annually. It’s given annually.”

Rogen: “Franco, you look like you’re asleep. Did you just read a James Franco book? In all seriousness, he is a very hardworking actor. He once told me he worked for 36 hours straight, which I don’t believe — the straight part, obviously.”

Jeff Ross (on the missed opportunity with Milk and 127 Hours): “[They should've been] one epic movie where you get your dick stuck in Sean Penn’s asshole for five days.”

Rogen: “He’s a tough guy to pin down, although I’ve heard many guys have been able to do it.”

Samberg: “James Franco has force-fed me so much dick, you could make foie gras out of my liver.”

Silverman: “Jonah actually gained 50 pounds for his role in the new Martin Scorsese film because the producers wanted the character to be a Jonah Hill type. But seriously you’ve had such a body transformation in the past couple of years. You have come a long way from just being Sonny and Cher’s daughter.”

Aziz Ansari: “So many gay jokes tonight about Franco. Apparently if you’re clean, well dressed and mildly cultured, you’re super gay now. Is that why the rest of you guys are so aggressively fat and dirty? You think if you read one book and take a shower, dicks are going to just fly into your face?”

Okay, Aziz probably had the best gay joke, in that it wasn’t a gay joke at all. Some find all this dick shtick to be offensive towards gay people, but it’s really just lampooning Franco’s own flirtations with gay culture. And just imagine if a bunch of gay comics were making the same jokes.

Of course, if you find all of these jokes to be crass, unfunny and offensive, well you’re probably going to hate The Comedy Central Roast of James Franco when it airs September 2 at 10 pm on Comedy Central.

h/t: EW, E!, BuzzFeed

By:           Les Fabian Brathwaite
On:           Aug 27, 2013
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , ,

  • 12 Comments
    • Polaro
      Polaro

      Franco is a train wreck I’d like to fuck. There, I said it.

      Aug 27, 2013 at 11:30 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • twoguysbrooklyn
      twoguysbrooklyn

      Yes, I find these jokes not-funny. Not surprising since they are from these self-styled comedians who are also not funny. Seth Rogen? Are you kidding>?

      Aug 27, 2013 at 12:36 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • MikeE
      MikeE

      I think Sarah Silverman’s jokes were the only funny ones.

      Aug 27, 2013 at 12:39 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • longpastdue
      longpastdue

      I do find these jokes funny, especially knowing that the place they come from and the people making the jokes live in kind of a post-gay bubble. Besides, if you can’t make a good dick joke what’s the point of a roast.

      Aug 27, 2013 at 1:22 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Scribe38
      Scribe38

      @MikeE: totally agree. The one about him not being gay or str8 but unable to open his eyes to see who he is fucking killed me.

      Aug 27, 2013 at 1:39 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Homophile
      Homophile

      That’s the point of Roast comedy – to be as offensive as possible.

      Aug 27, 2013 at 2:02 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • MikeE
      MikeE

      @Scribe38: YES! LOL that one got a real out-loud laugh from me.

      Aug 27, 2013 at 2:49 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • yaoming
      yaoming

      I’m more concerned about who’s going to be watching this on C.C. and thinking that Franco just laughing it off makes it all right to make offensive and, frankly, abusive jokes about people who may be gay. I’m sure it’s not just mature adults who will be tuning in. Seems like a license to bully to me.

      Aug 27, 2013 at 4:25 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Mr. E. Jones
      Mr. E. Jones

      As someone who grew up watching the original Dean Martin roasts, I can say the current crop of shit being fed TV viewers would make zombie Dean Martin crawl from his grave and go Dawn of the Dead on everyone involved.

      Aug 27, 2013 at 4:32 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • boring
      boring

      Nick Kroll: always on-point.

      Aug 27, 2013 at 6:44 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • gwm2texan
      gwm2texan

      I agree that Sarah Silverman were the only funny ones, and that Jonah Hill and Seth Rogen were just unfunny.

      What really peaked my interest was Andy Samberg’s comments. Guess we know who is bottom in that relationship.

      Aug 27, 2013 at 7:27 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • JayHobeSound
      JayHobeSound

      Note to self: Andy Samberg prefers the top not to pull out and waste jizz on his back. Good to know. LoL

      Aug 28, 2013 at 12:08 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·

    Add your Comment

    Queerty now requires you to log in to comment

    Please log in to add your comment.

    Need an account? Register It's free and easy.

  • POPULAR ON QUEERTY

    FOLLOW US
     



    GET QUEERTY'S DAILY NEWSLETTER


    FROM AROUND THE WEB

    Copyright 2014 Queerty, Inc.
    Follow Queerty at Queerty.com, twitter.com/queerty and facebook.com/queerty.