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The Crazy Baptist’s Sermon They Don’t Want You To See

[flv:http://queerty.com/media/jeffress,ipod.flv http://queerty.com/media/jeffress,ipod.jpg 340 200]

Dr. Robert Jeffress, the preacher who gave a sermon called “Why Gay is Not O.K.” last week at the Dallas First Baptist Church is the go-to guy for goofy quotes about intolerance. During the Presidential primary, he warned his parishioners not to vote for Mitt Romney because he’s a “member of a cult” and in the 90′s said that homosexuality “is responsible for the deaths of tens of thousands every year through AIDS.”

Well, even Jeffress’ church has its limits for crazy stupid bullshit, it turns out. A video of a sermon about sex and iPod’s by Dr. Jeffress was pulled from their site without explanation this week. According to Jeffree’s sermon, sex is like an iPod (there’s a new fetish!) and if you don’t plug your iPod into the right outlet it’ll explode/mysteriously fill up with show tunes. But as our tipster pointed out “I and many other people have dragged their iPods all over the world and plugged it in using the same power adapter I use in the US in 240 volt outlets, just like it says on the side of the adapter that Apple sells in it’s own stores right next to the plug adapters for several countries”.

Anyway, the church is obviously embarrassed by this stupid/weird/wtf video and hoping it goes away, so obviously we’re posting it here.

By:           editor editor
On:           Nov 13, 2008
Tagged: , ,

  • 38 Comments
    • Tim
      Tim

      This goof is a liar. He’s obviously never used an iPod. I guess once you wrap your mind around the big lies, the little ones come easy.

      Nov 13, 2008 at 10:59 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • fredo777
      fredo777

      Bravo.

      Almost makes me want to suggest a Douchebag of the Day (Daily D-Bag) feature here @ Queerty just for types like him.

      - suggests -

      Nov 13, 2008 at 11:05 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Rowen
      Rowen

      So . . . not only is he massively behind the times, but he’s also has that creepy, closet-case, pedophile vibe.

      Go team!

      Nov 13, 2008 at 11:07 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Paul
      Paul

      Lovely. The naturalist argument. Penis + vagina. So delightfully simple.

      God also created marijuana and cocaine in nature. I guess that makes those things OK?

      But preservatives in food would be bad? Bovine Growth Hormone given to cows: bad?

      I’m not exactly sure, though, because my operating manual was translated by men before the scientific method was devised and handed down through scores of generations.

      Ah, well, at least I know the voltage limit on my iPod now. Praise!

      Nov 13, 2008 at 11:10 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • TiminBoston
      TiminBoston

      LOL. that is all I can say. LOL

      Nov 13, 2008 at 11:12 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • fredo777
      fredo777

      Somebody should send this guy an OhMiBod + a Chicago soundtrack CD.

      The irony would be too sweet.

      Nov 13, 2008 at 11:14 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Othniel
      Othniel

      How they always forget that, from a Christian Perspective, since the Church is the Bride of Christ (Rev. 19:7), He is then God and Husband of us all.

      But that would require actually reading the Bible and engaging the brain.

      Nov 13, 2008 at 11:35 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Tim
      Tim

      Who married Adam and Eve? Would not their children had to have committed incest to populate earth? Doesn’t the Bible claim that Jesus’ love for Paul greater than the love between a man and a woman?

      Nov 13, 2008 at 11:42 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • fredo777
      fredo777

      @Tim:

      Nah, I think that was Paul’s love for David.

      Nov 13, 2008 at 11:47 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • John McKee
      John McKee

      It seems his comprehension of iPods is right on par with his comprehension of the bible and I guess iPod car chargers are an abomination too, plus all those other things that plug into the iPod and work fine like television adaptors, car controllers, etc. iPods don’t even come with wall adaptors anymore so these supposed instructions weren’t even in the iPod manual in the first place.

      If you going to lie at least don’t use one that is obviously and easily provably untrue.

      Nov 13, 2008 at 11:49 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • fredo777
      fredo777

      Correction: I think it was Jonathan + David.

      Gosh. I need to read my Bible more often…

      Nah, not really.

      Oh, I’m such a heathen.

      Nov 13, 2008 at 11:50 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Tim
      Tim

      Cannot you touch the dome of the sky if you climb a high mountain? Cannot you breed stripped cattle from plain by placing stripped sticks near their pens? Are not hares ruminants who chew the cud?

      Yes, one must admit the bible is the definitive guide for modern living.

      Nov 13, 2008 at 11:56 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Othniel
      Othniel

      @Freedo777

      The fact you do not call yourself Freedo666 indicates you may have at least read it once.

      I have a Master of Divinity long ago from a Southern Baptist Seminary – before they were taken over by the Religious Right. Mostly I practice law (to which I was called from grace), but every so often it is fun to remember their language and preach back.

      This oaf impels it.

      Nov 13, 2008 at 12:00 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Chiot Moite
      Chiot Moite

      Actually Reverend Dumb Ass you can in fact plug your 110 AC ipod into a 220 DC plug if you want. The adapter is actually built to handle that.

      Just like god adapted my penis to stick in just about any orifice it’ll fit in.

      Nov 13, 2008 at 12:06 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Garrik
      Garrik

      Actually, I live in Europe and I have an iPod, too. Mine can handle a 220-outlet just fine! :-)
      That analogy is totally ridiculous. Everytime I see stuff like that, I get the urge to call my parents and thank them for raising me an atheist.

      Nov 13, 2008 at 12:08 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Inertia_90
      Inertia_90

      @fredo777: This is actually a great idea. Anyway, I’m so ashamed he’s from Dallas. Let me just say that people in Dallas, as a whole, are far more open-minded than this.

      Nov 13, 2008 at 12:30 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • fredo777
      fredo777

      @Othniel:

      haha

      Granted, my choice of the number seven as my favorite does have something to do with me hearing that it’s God’s “perfect” number.

      I might never be perfect, but damned if it won’t stop me from tryin’.

      Nov 13, 2008 at 12:36 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • deiXmachinis
      deiXmachinis

      You can spin my wheel and upload songs into me, but you have to listen to me afterward.

      Nov 13, 2008 at 12:36 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • dommyluc
      dommyluc

      Yeah, how come the Bible-thumpers never answer the question of incest between the children of Adam and Eve? So, according to them, it is sinful for two people of the same sex to marry, but incest is biblically sanctioned? Hey, maybe now me and Rick Santorum can have a church-sanctioned man-on-dog sex three-way!

      Nov 13, 2008 at 12:47 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Eugene
      Eugene

      Is this guy a post-modernist philosopher or am I just stoned? If I follow the argument correctly, God made us all with certain equipment and gave us an instruction manual on how to use this equipment. So, people born with one leg have a different set of instructions from people born with two legs. People who are born blind have a different instruction manual from the rest of humanity. No, but hang on, God never created Adam and Eve with one leg or blind. Obviously then people with one leg and blind people are all evil. I think we should send the whole bunch for reparative therapy. They can choose to grow a second leg or to see. Yes, this makes perfect sense.

      Nov 13, 2008 at 1:01 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Kenster999
      Kenster999

      The difference is: Note that the government isn’t trying to make it illegal for him to plug his iPod into the wrong outlet. He’s free to do with his iPod whatever he wants.

      Nov 13, 2008 at 3:51 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • ajax
      ajax

      I think Dr. Jefress should plug himself into a 220 outlet. A little Electro Shock Therapy would probably do him a world of good.

      Nov 13, 2008 at 4:19 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • nikko
      nikko

      God created Adam & Eve, Adam & Steve, and Liz & Lucy.! End of story!

      Nov 13, 2008 at 5:03 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • greybat
      greybat

      According to Genesis, While the Elohim were creating the rest of the world and it’s peoples, Yahweh took a look at what they were doing and decided to create his own little patch with his own little family.
      When Cain was exiled from the family tribe he took a woman from Nod as his wife.
      Oddly, most christians are unfamiliar with that passage, even though it’s right there in Genesis 2, and clarifies the Eden myth as the origin of the Jewish people and their relationship to their tribal God rather well.

      Nov 13, 2008 at 7:44 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Michael vdB
      Michael vdB

      Quotes at the next gay comedy festival:

      “Well, I knew I had hot sex, but I didn’t know you could get fried doing it.”

      “Every man who masturbates must be going to hell…but hey, it sure is fun!”

      “My instruction booklet always said my palms would get hairy…damn…now I am shaving 2 times a day.”

      “Notice how he doesn’t explain *how* straight couples can have sex…just that they are the only ones that can (in the sanctity of marriage, of course). So I guess I should stop screwing my wife in the ass!”

      and finally…

      “Those threesomes are a real bitch!”

      [Tonight Show band music]

      Nov 13, 2008 at 8:00 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • polobear
      polobear

      I wonder if he ever met Larry Craig in a bathroom somewhere cuzzzz my radar is going off

      Nov 13, 2008 at 8:37 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Matt Sigl
      Matt Sigl

      Anyone else think he sounds like a evil David Sedaris?

      Nov 13, 2008 at 8:58 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Bruno
      Bruno

      Another one we’re gonna have to drag kicking & screaming into the 21st Century.

      Nov 14, 2008 at 5:04 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Sam
      Sam

      Is it just me or does he seem more than a bit gay? All he needs is a sibilant ‘S’ and he would be well on his way!

      The lady doth protest too much

      Nov 14, 2008 at 7:55 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • technicolornina
      technicolornina

      @Tim: Jonathan’s love for David. I should know, I had to teach the damned thing at Vacation Bible School three years in a row.

      Also, though, I believe Jesus’ love for Lazarus may have been mentioned.

      Nov 14, 2008 at 10:59 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • technicolornina
      technicolornina

      @fredo777: It’s okay. I let myself be brainwashed for about 12 years, and my only regret is that I perpetuated said brainwashing on dozens of kids by volunteering at Vacation Bible School from the time I was 12 years old.

      The Bible has a lot of good messages, but it’s become so twisted by the religious right that I can’t take it seriously anymore.

      Nov 14, 2008 at 11:02 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Thorton
      Thorton

      Is it me, or does he seem a bit…..lispy?

      I mean, seriously, don’t look at him and you’re hearing Leslie Jordan.

      Nov 14, 2008 at 2:28 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Sandalphon
      Sandalphon

      It is about time the heterosexual community are made aware of their own failings.

      http://216.239.59.104/search?q=cache:3eyXwcBKy3IJ:www.boxturtlebulletin.com/Articles/000,015.pdf+statistics+for+heterosexuals+that+indulge+in+anal+intercourse&hl=en&ct=clnk&cd=3&client=safari

      Quote from the study :-

      Heterosexuals indulge in all sorts of practices thatgo far beyond penile-vaginal contact. Redbookrevealed that 90% of heterosexual women en-gaged in oral-penile contact, and these womenreported that their sexual partners were just aseager to perform oral-vaginal contact. 7 More re-cently, a survey of heterosexual college studentsshowed that 95% to 98% admitted to having hadoral sex. 8 Another survey of heterosexual men ofall ages showed that more than 95% had experi-enced oral-penile sex, and 96% engaged in oral-vaginal contact. 9 But it’s not just oral sex. Militant heterosexualresearcher Paul Cameron conducted a survey thatfound 36% of all men who behaved heterosexu-ally engaged in anal intercourse with women, and20% of women who behaved heterosexually re-ported anal sex with men. 10 Another surveyshowed that 53% of men have experienced rectalpenetration during sex, (i.e., by a finger, vibrator,or tongue), — 56% of that group did it regularly— and another 9% wanted to try it. 11 Half of thewomen who participated in the Redbook surveyhad experienced anal sex. 12 In terms of absolutenumbers, approximately seven times more womenthan gay men engage in unprotected receptiveanal intercourse. 13 Sexual Obsession Heterosexuals are clearly obsessed with sex. It’sthe only thing separating them from everyoneelse. They single-handedly invented the sexualrevolution with the introduction of “the pill,” andheterosexual promiscuity has become the hall-mark of that sex-obsessed lifestyle ever since”

      Now, what makes them so damned superior to homosexuals ?

      Nov 14, 2008 at 2:45 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Nick
      Nick

      Is he saying God made IPods?
      And if so, Is Steve Jobs God?
      If so, can Mr. Jobs tell us about Sex, Nuclear war and all of lifes mysteries?

      Dear Steve Jobs,

      Can you write an appendix to the Bible? In this please describe all sex acts that you and your Son Jesus Christ deem exceptable.

      Thank you!

      Nov 14, 2008 at 3:15 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Charles J. Mueller
      Charles J. Mueller

      Where did he get that horrible rug? ;-)

      Nov 15, 2008 at 12:41 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Jewel Jones
      Jewel Jones

      Sick bunch of reprobates on this site!! ~Whew~!!
      Take a break to “go get you some” HIV

      Nov 18, 2008 at 12:04 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • nikko
      nikko

      Sick reprobates? No , JEWEL JONES, only truth tellers. I see you are brainwashed and avoid reality at all religious costs.

      Nov 18, 2008 at 12:50 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Tim
      Tim [Different person #1 using similar name]

      I’m listening to the guy talking about “evolution is a myth”. god, these creationists are so ignorant.

      Jul 29, 2009 at 9:01 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·

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