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The Definitive List Of What Makes You Gay (Or Not Gay) In The Military, Including a Britney Spears Reference

Playing George W. Bush’s human video game two years ago in Iraq, LA-based comedian Jay Michel, who graduated from the U.S. Naval Academy in 2006, pulled together a list of all the things that make you gay — or not gay — in wartime. No, this isn’t out of some officer’s code of conduct. It’s from living on a base with fellow soldiers who determine whether “you’re gay” or not. Surprisingly, calling yourself “Hector The Molester” and lying on top of people as they wake up does not make you gay. Nor does borrowing somebody’s underwear. Or showing off your asshole. My god, the armed forces has so many confusing rules I could never manage to master.

By:           JD
On:           Feb 4, 2011
Tagged: , , ,
  • 7 Comments
    • Jay Michel
      Jay Michel

      Wow! Thanks for the shout-out.

      Hit me up on facebook /michel.jay
      or twitter @j_michel

      Would appreciate it!

      Feb 4, 2011 at 8:27 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Stanford
      Stanford

      No it just makes you sound like a nellie queen regrdless of orientation…

      Feb 4, 2011 at 8:44 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • ganymeade
      ganymeade

      Very funny Jay. Jocks are ridiculously homoerotic/homophobic too. They do stuff I couldn’t think of and think they are str8. It is ironic and funny.

      Feb 5, 2011 at 1:45 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Lawrence
      Lawrence

      haha i loved this! well done man!

      Feb 5, 2011 at 3:14 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Adonis-of-Fire
      Adonis-of-Fire

      LOL, very cute and funny

      Feb 5, 2011 at 7:35 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • WilliamG
      WilliamG

      @Jay Michel: fuck this is funny. All of it just as true in the Australian defence force :)

      Feb 6, 2011 at 5:58 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Aaron in Honolulu
      Aaron in Honolulu

      Ah, wasn’t that funny :/

      Feb 6, 2011 at 8:40 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·

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