The Etiquette Of Gay Debate
Coming out of the closet once doesn’t mean you’ll be out forever.
We gay folk are constantly having to come out to new friends, colleagues and other random associates. And, when we don’t, can often be confused for a – gasp! – heterosexual, which can lead to some sticky situations.
Take, for example, the following query in the NY Times‘ new etiquette section: “You’re at someone’s house who starts talking about how wrong gay marriage is. You are gay. What do you do?”
Now, before you answer “punch them in the face,” consider homo-journo and etiquette columnist Philip Galanes’ more measured reply…
Assuming you’re an advocate of gay marriage, you should calmly make your best argument for equal treatment. Your host may not have heard a persuasive case before — at least not by a gay man sitting in his living room. If, after a period of give and take, he persists in his view of “Adam and Eve,†not “Adam and Steve,†tell him you’ll have to agree to disagree, and leave it at that.
You may be annoyed for the rest of the evening, but the ability to differ in a civilized way speaks volumes to your character. Plus, there are so many excellent cleaning products on the market these days that spilling your boeuf bourguignon all over his sofa won’t leave permanent stains anyway.
Sly bitchery aside, it seems to us that Galanes offered some pretty good advice. No need to ruin a perfectly good party with something nasty like politics. Besides, why waste your evening trying to change one person’s mind?
Next week’s lesson: how to politely tell a trick they need to clean their shit.
That would be quite awkward :/ I occasionally hear people say nasty things about gays, but I rarely say anything about it because when people are that ignorant, the challenge of convincing them they are wrong is too great.
If this someone isn’t a higher up work colleague or someone who’s ass I need to kiss for work, why the fuck should I just sit there and take their anti-gay crap? If the above doesn’t apply, tell em to fuck off and leave their house!
Meh…just get him to suck your dick in the bathroom before you leave.
I ask them if their parents are divorced, if they are divorced, if their mother was a virgin when she got married, if they were a virgin when they got married. Then I tell them that they also do not believe in Traditional Marriage and please pass the salt.
i read the story coming into to work today and it gave me a huge headache. Whether washing dishes in the sink or using a dishwasher is more eco-friendly is a “agree to disagree” issue. Telling me that I dont deserve certain rights is a complete dealbreaker. You dont have to start an arguement, but you should excuse yourself and leave this person’s house.
Im constantly amazed how many people start blathering on about abortion, gay rights, religion, the Israel-Palestinian situation and other hot-button issues because they assume everyone in the room is in their corner. I would never hold forth on politics at a dinner party where I didnt know all my guests. That’s a HUGE breach of etiquette that Galanes shouldve called the host on.
As you’ll recall from my posting history, I don’t think gay marriage should be permissible. If we give gays the right to marry, how about polygamists and incestuous relationships? It’s impossible to draw the line once the flood gates are opened.
On the dinner matter, I would agree with the host and offer up a next option for pleasant conversation……
To RPCV – You’re kidding, right? If not, you sir/madam are indeed a shining example of someone who can only analyze a matter with yes/no, black/white simple logic. Kinda like a 1973 Casio calculator that errored out if the input data or result was greater than eight digits. Wow!
Markey Mark: I’m completely serious. And, I don’t understand YOUR logic or analogy – what the fuck are you TRYing to say? Clarity in writing is a virtue.
Um, polygamy and incest are crimes in all 50 states.
Nobody who’s taken seriously even thinks that either would become legal in the next 100 years, so you don’t really have anything credible to be worried about. Can you name one state that is even considering legalizing either polygamy, polyandry, or incest by generating even one bill in it’s statehouse to do so? Might I remind you that virtually all polygamy in the United States is practiced by religious heterosexuals. I think this is more of a religious heterosexual threat than a gay one.
I live in South Africa, where both gay marriage and polygamy are legal. Jacob Zuma, who is almost certain to be our next president, has six wives (but no husbands). The country hasn’t fallen apart yet. (Okay, we do have what I believe is the highest crime rate in the world, but we had that _before_ gay marriage became legal.)