FAMILY CURSES

The “Frothy Mix” Definition Of Santorum Also Applies To Rick’s Entire Family Line

When Dan Savage helped redefine GOP Presidential candiate Rick Santorum’s last name as “the frothy mixture of feces and lube that is sometimes the by-product of anal sex,” it also applied to anyone with that last name, including Rick’s seven kids—Elizabeth, Richard, Daniel, Sarah, Peter, Patrick, and Isabella—Rick’s ancestors and any offspring a man with the last name of Santorum will ever have.

Not content to stop there, Savage is now threatening to ruin life for every person named Rick by redefining Rick Santorum’s first name if he doesn’t cut out all the anti-gay campaigning. But seeing as Santorum just pledged to reverse all this last weekend’s same-sex marriages in New York, Rick’s first name is as good as besmirched.

Savage’s proposed redefinition of “Rick” lacks the gross brevity of “Santorum” but it’ll probably catch on, especially if straight couples actually use turkey jerky and sphincter muscles in the way Savage describes.

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