Death looms large this week as John Cameron Mitchell’s character on Girls gets called to that big Hedwig and the Angry Inch remount in the sky. What does it mean to lose someone? What’s the right way to grieve? How many bandanas constitute a collection? It’s amazing how little people can learn from experiences that would usually change lives.
Emotional Age: 16
Hannah has but one concern in all the world: how does this affect me? If her level of self-absorption raised any higher, she’d cause a singularity and end the world. You know you’ve gone too far when Adam’s nutbag sister sees you as a lost cause. It’s like the entire city is lining up one by one to let Hannah know that she’s awful. Not that she’d ever listen. Teenagers are such know-it-alls.
Emotional Age: However old the lady in Eat, Pray, Love was
Smoothies. Jogging. Expressing herself openly and honestly. Validating the kind of fancy, important people that want to spend time with her. Marnie is a walking affirmation this week, and the fixation couldn’t possibly have come from within. Though we don’t know exactly who she’s modeling herself after, it’s safe to assume that she read a book about the importance of embracing your genuine self. Or, like, something on Pinterest about the benefits of kale.
Emotional Age: Robot
Weird little Shosh is, as usual, programmed only to tell the truth, but something about her ability to explain without comprehending strikes me as automatic to the point of artificiality. Somewhere within her resides a complex code that compels her to share wisdom and focus on inane trivialities without ever processing her actions or their meanings. She is an all-seeing, all-saying, no-knowing oracle.
Emotional Age: Endless
So fearsome is this drug-gobbling, sex-crazed, morally blind juggernaut that a close friend would actually fake death rather than risk another encounter with Jessa. She is ancient, permanent, and deadly: escape from her is impossible even when you shuffle off this mortal coil. Notice that her parting words this week are a curse on someone’s house, an act of destructive malice so joyous to her that she giggles about it on the way home.