Anthony Morris III, a top Jehovah’s Witness leader, has urged his followers to avoid tight pants at all costs. In his words:
“They are tight all the way down to the ankles. It’s not appropriate. It’s not sound of mind. The homosexuals that are designing these clothes – they’d like you in tight pants.”
We hate to break it to you, Tony, but if you want to avoid things associated with homosexuals, you’re going to have to cast your net a lot wider than pants.
This is by no means a comprehensive list, but here are some things to start avoiding at all costs.
iPhones
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
Any Apple product, really. In case you’ve been living under a rock (and considering your religious fervor, we aren’t ruling out that possibility), Apple’s CEO Tim Cook is now openly gay. That means you need to turn in your iPhone, get rid of that iMac, and forget about jamming out to your hymns on an iPod. In fact, you should really just avoid the lower-case letter “i” whenever possible. Chances are a gay has had some say in it, and you wouldn’t want your kids to get the wrong idea.
UCLA School of Medicine
If you’re in the market for med schools, you should probably steer clear of this one. Sure, it’s a renowned institution that ranks among the top choices for future doctors, but there’s the whole name issue. It’s really the David Geffen School of Medicine at UCLA. And that is problematic for obvious reasons. Geffen donated $200 million to the school in 2001, and God knows what kind of gay shenanigans are going on with that kind of money. Geffen also co-founded Dreamworks Pictures, so don’t ever see How to Train Your Dragon, Shrek or Kung Fu Panda.
You’re going to need to deactivate your Facebook account if you want to abide by the Lord, sorry. Chris Hughes helped Mark Zuckerberg found the site in those early Harvard days, and we can only imagine the mark he left in the company. Don’t be fooled. Luckily there are lots of alternatives to choose from — MyFaith, ChristianFaithBook, MyFlock, JesusCrowd. Take your pick.
Surgery
This one’s going to hurt. We’ve already shattered your dreams of attending a top medical school, but unfortunately you’re going to have to get very creative when it comes to seeking medical attention as well. The Stryker Corporation is one of the leading suppliers of medical tools. You’d be hard pressed to find a hospital without something bought from them. Homer Stryker founded the company in 1964, but his gay grandson Jon is currently a billionaire stockholder in the company. You’ll be playing right into the gay agenda if the hospital is your first stop after a broken bone.
The Olympics and The Voice
Speedos aside, these two may seem like good clean fun, but they’re both broadcast on NBC. You know, the same NBC that thought it was a good idea to make Robert Greenblatt its chairman. Be warned. Greenblatt is gay, out, and wants you to view NBC‘s subversive programming. Don’t fall into the trap. Plus the Olympics and The Voice actually let gays compete right next to straights. The horror.
Trippy
20 bucks say “Anthony Morris III, a top Jehovah’s Witness leader” has at least one tight-jeans-wearing boytoy on the side. They always do.
vive
Well, it is true. We would like them in tight pants, assuming they have sexy legs, of course.
juststan
Because, you know, the body–which was apparently designed by God–is something to be ashamed of.
DonW
I just looked up a pic of Anthony Morris III and I can tell him definitively that no gay wants to see him in tight-fitting pants, no no no.
DesertSun
Good point justan. I’m glad that the 1990s/mid 2000s baggy jeans look is now fading away. But we gays have always liked the tighter stuff even during the rise of the Hip-Hop baggy look. I wish shorts would get shorter again like in the 1970s!
vive
@DesertSun, where were you last summer? Shorts have been getting really short again.
DesertSun
@vive: Yeah they’re getting shorter and I think that’s good, but I would like to see guys wearing shorts as short as they were in the 1970s, which seemed even shorter than the new look today.
Jackhoffsky
In this clip below, Anthony Morris III took the discourse he gave to Rome where he explained more about the homosexual agenda in fashion. It seems pretty much ALL clothes have the mark of gay Satan on them… lol.
http://youtu.be/lYcDbmeVUcc
Xzamilio
The problem is he doesn’t want them in tight pants; seeing those tight young asses and bulges awakens the “monster”… either that, or he’s a moron.
NoCagada
He doesn’t want to see men in tight pants. He wants to see them in no pants
jlfbman
These god fearing bigots are just simply crazy!!
Mack
And speaking of pants, what is this awful pair of pants Bieber wears? It looks like a skirt with leggings.
tdx3fan
@Trippy: Actually, a great deal of pretty boys went to work in their book production factory “Bethel.” There were a great deal of rumors (probably mostly founded) that there were huge amounts of homosexual activity that occurred in “Bethel” and that the leadership all looked the other way.
tdx3fan
@Xzamilio: Nah dude… he’s not a moron he’s a Jehovah’s Witness… almost as bad, but a different group entirely.
Evji108
Old churchy white men that fixate on guys wearing tight pants are suspect in my book. He probably saw some VPL -(visible penis line), while scrutinizing tight crotches and had heart palpitations, (possibly a boner if he can still get it up). The lady doth protest too much about something that nobody else cares about.