The Movie Where Hairless Young Men Try To Kill Each Other In Their Underwear
Any movie trailer that opens with scenes of a blonde twink walking around in his underwear while the V.O. narrates, “For years, I have watched and waited for them,” before cutting to two hot jocks in their swimsuits and, “For years, I have plotted my sacrifice,” is definitely going to draw gay 15-year-olds. Especially those who don’t know I Know What You Did Last Summer mixed with homoerotics doesn’t a movie make. But who cares: 1313: Nightmare Mansion is PG-rated slasher porn for tweens, and I’m in. (And yes, that is Survivor: Nicaragua winner Judson “Fabio” Birza.) [via]
Oh lord, you’re right. This ummm… “epic” is by none other than David DeCoteau, the auteur behind the Brotherhood movies. I’ve never made it all the way through a DeCoteau movie but from what I can tell “shaved twinks in tighty-whiteys” IS the plot, as it’s the plot for all his movies. Throw in a single female for all the boys to lust after (necessitating the frequent stripping down to the aforementioned tighty-whiteys) and some cheesy horror element that would be laughed out of the “Tween Girls ‘Goosebumps’ Fan Society,” and the script (all 10 pages of it) just writes itself!
You really have to admire DeCoteau in a way because while there may be thousands of Twinks-In-Tighty-Whiteys fetishists he has an imdb page to prove his devotion. He’s the Russ Meyer of cotton-swaddled barely post-adolescent peen, except way less interesting. I haven’t seen all of DeCoteau’s ouvre but unless something has changed drastically from what I have, nothing of much interest will happen in the movie. You’d think it would have occurred to him at some point that, like Russ Meyer and John Waters, he has a camera and a (minimally talented) cast so he might as well make something wild and interesting to link together the soft-core porn bits. But don’t hold your breath.
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@greenmanTN: I knew it was his without even checking.
He’s the only person who seems to think this garbage is sexy.
I could see if they were at least actually “gay” characters, but aside from running around in their underwear for an entire “movie” with no story they pretty much only interact with women if there’s even one around.
Yet another gay male who disrepects himself enough to drool over straight men who sometimes experiment or whatever he thinks this is.
He probably thinks there aren’t any hot gay guys either.
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I actually know one of the guys in the movie, Cody Blymire. We went to the same high school, and his brother was in my class.
I saw photos for this movie on his facebook, but didn’t realise that it was the same movie. Then it started getting all this gay attention, so I had to look it up, and sure enough.
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I had one of his movies “Voodoo Academy,” and in that one the boys had a variety of underwear: colors, boxer briefs, boxers, you name it. This all tighty-whitey is a departure for him.
“VA” was one of the funniest movies I’ve ever seen, unintentionally of course.
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#4 Plays well with others – yes boxers should be outlawed. I remember as a child being “interested” in shirtless men – those at the beach type movies and remember a scene probably from a Walt Disney movie where you KNEW the man’s pants were coming off- the dog had the cuff in his mouth and was pulling on it or something…..Wow what a disappointment, even at age 7 or 8, to see those boxers that didn’t show a thing……
OK Rando, thanks for sharing that you went to high school with Cody, now tell us what we want to know – is he Gay or not? ;)
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Thanks Jeffree – and good idea about the rating system for male underwear in movies. I can’t remember, but I think I like most of your posts. Frankly, while we’re on the subject of underwear, I don’t understand boxers anyway. All I did was dangle around and get chafed.
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I suppose you could go longer if you were chafed and lost all sensitivity!
A long time ago, and I don’t know why, but I ordered some underwear from a mailorder place – they looked just like tighty whiteys (same stretchy white material, had the pouch) except they kept going down around your thigh for another 3-4 inches, like short shorts. Is that what you mean by “boxer briefs”? My understanding is standard tighty whiteys are briefs and the broadcloth (like bedsheet material) underwear that look like shorts are boxers. Right?
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“taste the blade Johnny”…lol