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The Movie Where Hairless Young Men Try To Kill Each Other In Their Underwear

Any movie trailer that opens with scenes of a blonde twink walking around in his underwear while the V.O. narrates, “For years, I have watched and waited for them,” before cutting to two hot jocks in their swimsuits and, “For years, I have plotted my sacrifice,” is definitely going to draw gay 15-year-olds. Especially those who don’t know I Know What You Did Last Summer mixed with homoerotics doesn’t a movie make. But who cares: 1313: Nightmare Mansion is PG-rated slasher porn for tweens, and I’m in. (And yes, that is Survivor: Nicaragua winner Judson “Fabio” Birza.) [via]

By:           JD
On:           Jan 11, 2011
Tagged: , , , ,

  • 40 Comments
    • scribe
      scribe

      “taste the blade Johnny”…lol

      Jan 11, 2011 at 10:45 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Greg
      Greg

      Is this for real??

      Jan 11, 2011 at 10:46 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Kev C
      Kev C

      “Where did my clothes go?”

      We sold them to pay for sound equipment.

      Jan 11, 2011 at 10:55 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • PLAYS WELL WITH OTHERS
      PLAYS WELL WITH OTHERS

      The above trailer is the absolute proof that boxers underwear shold be immediatley outlawed and tighty whiteys should be mandatory…….. :p

      Jan 11, 2011 at 10:55 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • rusk
      rusk

      Isnt that fabio from the most recent season of survivor????

      Jan 11, 2011 at 10:55 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Franky
      Franky

      Lawl.

      Jan 11, 2011 at 10:57 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • SpireaX
      SpireaX

      Gawd…just exactly which demographics is this movie targeting? Ugh…couldn’t they at least cast one guy with a beard and chest hair. What’s up with the single girl?

      I’ll wait until it’s out on RedBox or NetFlix.

      Jan 11, 2011 at 11:00 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Franky
      Franky

      Am I crazy or is Kevin Zegers in this?

      Jan 11, 2011 at 11:18 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Jon B
      Jon B

      Since when did student films count as newsworthy?

      Jan 11, 2011 at 11:36 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • LancerLaw
      LancerLaw

      You should check out the “Brotherhood” trilogy… nothing but shirtless/underwear guys with terrible acting and plot … lol

      Jan 11, 2011 at 11:59 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • John
      John

      I wonder if mum and dad knew what sort of movie was being made when permission was requested to use their premises.

      Jan 11, 2011 at 12:22 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • greenmanTN
      greenmanTN

      @LancerLaw:

      Oh lord, you’re right. This ummm… “epic” is by none other than David DeCoteau, the auteur behind the Brotherhood movies. I’ve never made it all the way through a DeCoteau movie but from what I can tell “shaved twinks in tighty-whiteys” IS the plot, as it’s the plot for all his movies. Throw in a single female for all the boys to lust after (necessitating the frequent stripping down to the aforementioned tighty-whiteys) and some cheesy horror element that would be laughed out of the “Tween Girls ‘Goosebumps’ Fan Society,” and the script (all 10 pages of it) just writes itself!

      You really have to admire DeCoteau in a way because while there may be thousands of Twinks-In-Tighty-Whiteys fetishists he has an imdb page to prove his devotion. He’s the Russ Meyer of cotton-swaddled barely post-adolescent peen, except way less interesting. I haven’t seen all of DeCoteau’s ouvre but unless something has changed drastically from what I have, nothing of much interest will happen in the movie. You’d think it would have occurred to him at some point that, like Russ Meyer and John Waters, he has a camera and a (minimally talented) cast so he might as well make something wild and interesting to link together the soft-core porn bits. But don’t hold your breath.

      Jan 11, 2011 at 12:38 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Davey Wavey's Vagina Monologue
      Davey Wavey's Vagina Monologue

      @greenmanTN: I knew it was his without even checking.

      He’s the only person who seems to think this garbage is sexy.

      I could see if they were at least actually “gay” characters, but aside from running around in their underwear for an entire “movie” with no story they pretty much only interact with women if there’s even one around.

      Yet another gay male who disrepects himself enough to drool over straight men who sometimes experiment or whatever he thinks this is.

      He probably thinks there aren’t any hot gay guys either.

      Jan 11, 2011 at 12:44 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • scott ny'er
      scott ny'er

      @rusk: Yep, it’s Jud from Survivor. I’m not certain if I’d be proud of this. The acting looks terrible. As well as the direction, writing, etc. Where are their clothes? The scenery physical and men, seems nice.

      Jan 11, 2011 at 1:03 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Fabio
      Fabio

      QUEERTY, did you totally miss the fact that the ‘actor’ lickin’ the knife is Judson ‘Fabio’ Birza, winner of Survivor?

      Jan 11, 2011 at 2:28 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Rando
      Rando

      I actually know one of the guys in the movie, Cody Blymire. We went to the same high school, and his brother was in my class.

      I saw photos for this movie on his facebook, but didn’t realise that it was the same movie. Then it started getting all this gay attention, so I had to look it up, and sure enough.

      Jan 11, 2011 at 4:09 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Rodrigo
      Rodrigo

      This is such a cheesy movie… Not even the homoerotic parts make me
      Want to watch it ;(

      Jan 11, 2011 at 4:43 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Charlie Jackpot
      Charlie Jackpot

      How much of the budget was spent on white briefs?

      Jan 11, 2011 at 5:57 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • justiceontherocks
      justiceontherocks

      I had one of his movies “Voodoo Academy,” and in that one the boys had a variety of underwear: colors, boxer briefs, boxers, you name it. This all tighty-whitey is a departure for him.

      “VA” was one of the funniest movies I’ve ever seen, unintentionally of course.

      Jan 11, 2011 at 6:35 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • pixie
      pixie

      @LancerLaw: You said trilogy? You said trilogy? It’s more like a seven-flickology at this point.

      Jan 11, 2011 at 8:16 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • B
      B

      No. 2 · Greg wrote, “Is this for real??”

      … as they say, nobody ever lost money underestimating the taste of the American public.

      Jan 11, 2011 at 9:07 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Ian
      Ian

      Looks like it’d be fun to watch with friends with the sound off to invent your own dialog. There is always a place for bad movies, especially ones with boys in tighty-whiteys.

      Jan 11, 2011 at 9:15 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Kieran
      Kieran

      I don’t know about a movie, but this would make a hot commercial for Goodnite Pullups for teenage boys.

      Jan 11, 2011 at 10:10 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Spike
      Spike

      Are they wearing tighty-whiteys or adult diapers? Two words . . .

      LOW RISE ! ! !

      How did he find the one str8t costumer to come up with those tragic briefs? SO NOT HOT.

      Jan 12, 2011 at 10:53 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Timothy
      Timothy

      ASTONISHINGLY unattractive underwear. Who wears that stuff? Other than straight boys, of course.

      Jan 12, 2011 at 4:13 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • So Yo
      So Yo

      @Ian: That’s EXACTLY how you do it! Make sure alcohol is involved though :p

      Jan 12, 2011 at 10:37 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Maria
      Maria

      Fabio is hot.

      I love the fact that we are going to see so much of him in his underwear. I want him to do a nude scene and lots more movies.

      Does anyone know whether he is gay or bi? He seems very open-minded.

      Jan 13, 2011 at 3:24 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Jaroslaw
      Jaroslaw

      #4 Plays well with others – yes boxers should be outlawed. I remember as a child being “interested” in shirtless men – those at the beach type movies and remember a scene probably from a Walt Disney movie where you KNEW the man’s pants were coming off- the dog had the cuff in his mouth and was pulling on it or something…..Wow what a disappointment, even at age 7 or 8, to see those boxers that didn’t show a thing……

      OK Rando, thanks for sharing that you went to high school with Cody, now tell us what we want to know – is he Gay or not? ;)

      Jan 15, 2011 at 7:03 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Jeffree
      Jeffree

      @Jaroslaw: when I have a seat in the US Senate. i will set up a special commission to promote and evaluate the quality of underwear in all movies!

      & I agree w/ you & Plays Well about the boxers…..

      Jan 15, 2011 at 8:14 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Jaroslaw
      Jaroslaw

      Thanks Jeffree – and good idea about the rating system for male underwear in movies. I can’t remember, but I think I like most of your posts. Frankly, while we’re on the subject of underwear, I don’t understand boxers anyway. All I did was dangle around and get chafed.

      Jan 15, 2011 at 10:11 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • justiceontherocks
      justiceontherocks

      @Jaroslaw: the old chestnut is that when you wear boxers you can keep going longer, sexually. My BF used to wear them until I introduced him to boxer briefs. The baggy stuff got tossed out in a hurry.

      Jan 15, 2011 at 10:32 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Jaroslaw
      Jaroslaw

      What are boxer briefs (or did you mean to say just briefs)? I thought tighty whitey’s were briefs and the broadcloth square things that look like shorts were called boxers.

      Jan 15, 2011 at 11:14 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Jaroslaw
      Jaroslaw

      I suppose you could go longer if you were chafed and lost all sensitivity!

      A long time ago, and I don’t know why, but I ordered some underwear from a mailorder place – they looked just like tighty whiteys (same stretchy white material, had the pouch) except they kept going down around your thigh for another 3-4 inches, like short shorts. Is that what you mean by “boxer briefs”? My understanding is standard tighty whiteys are briefs and the broadcloth (like bedsheet material) underwear that look like shorts are boxers. Right?

      Jan 15, 2011 at 11:22 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Jaroslaw
      Jaroslaw

      comment 32 said internet unavailable site down when I clicked “submit”, I double checked it wasn’t there, typed #33 and now they’re both here! Sorry

      Jan 15, 2011 at 11:23 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • justiceontherocks
      justiceontherocks

      @Jaroslaw: yes sir, you just described the boxer brief – a tighty whitey that goes further down the thigh. we like the black 2xist boxer briefs – good for sporting activity. On the right guy, very hot.

      Jan 15, 2011 at 11:38 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • david
      david

      Considering how low the budget must have been for the production, couldn’t they have splurged on underwear fancier than Fruit of the Loom? Like 2xist or Calvin Klein? That is after all, the main attraction.

      Dec 1, 2011 at 8:28 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • heather
      heather

      I watched this movie by purchasing it on demand by accident with my boyfriend & paid 5 dollars. it was definately not worth it.! Good looking people yes, but the movie isn’t scary at all, and there is no plot. Its simply boring.

      Dec 6, 2011 at 1:14 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • sarah
      sarah

      Tween, TWEEN?! My mom would NEVER have let me watch this, even now if it were in the retal place

      May 23, 2012 at 5:43 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • gaydaddy
      gaydaddy

      Would love to find me a gay boy toy could only image the amount of fun that looks like it could be. Need a sugar daddy to join with all of us. Sounds so sexxy

      Oct 19, 2012 at 12:46 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • gaydaddy
      gaydaddy

      Maybe at FindGayDaddy.com

      Oct 19, 2012 at 12:47 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·

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