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ACADEMY AWARDS

And The Liquor Goes To: The Queerty Oscars Drinking Game

bridesmaids-oscars

The Academy Awards are often referred to as the gay Super Bowl, which can mean a lot of things:

A. A lot of viewing parties. But gone are the face paint and sports jerseys, replaced by bowties and backless gowns.

B. A lot of emotional outbursts over botched calls. Seriously, Crash winning Best Picture over Brokeback Mountain? Don’t even get us started.

C. A lot of snacking and boozing. But instead of 47-layer dips and Budweiser, perhaps some delightful canapes and themed cocktails like a Zero Dark & Stormy or a Beasts of the Southern Wild Turkey.

D. There’s long stretches where nothing exciting happens. And the Oscars doesn’t even have a Beyoncé half-time show  (Well, not always.)

 

To make the Academy Awards viewing experience as sloppy fun as possible, we’ve come up with an easy drinking game that’ll keep the telecast buzzing till Shirley Bassey sings.

Check out Queerty’s Oscar Drinking Game below

 

ON THE RED CARPET

TAKE A SIP

J-LO-Grammys* Every time someone reveals they’re wearing Marchesa

* Every time you have to ask “Who is that?”

* Someone shows up looking a hot mess  (Johnny Depp doesn’t count)
DO A SHOT

* Every time someone shows up clearly having gotten too much of something done

* Someone misses the memo about the Jolie Leg being over

* Someone shows up looking technically flawless

THE MAIN EVENT

TAKE A SIP
anne-hathaway-speech
* Every time a Botoxed forehead tries (and fails) to register emotion

* If Anne Hathaway wins and goes in for a hug from Sally Field

* Every time you roll your eyes during Anne Hathaway’s acceptance speech

* Every time the camera cuts to Joaquin Phoenix looking completely out of it

* Every time the camera cuts to Bradley Cooper and you wonder how the hell he got here

* Every time the camera cuts to Daniel Day-Lewis and you say aloud, “Yep, I’d still hit that”

* Every time a Seth MacFarlane joke bombs

* After said failed joke, the camera cuts to someone looking incredibly uncomfortable

* Every time a winner doesn’t get the hint to wrap it up and gets played off stage

* Every time the tribute to movie musicals seems like a terrible idea


DO A SHOT

* If Barbra sings “Evergreen”
tommy lee jones.jpg
* Every time the camera cuts to Tommy Lee Jones looking completely unamused

* Every time they mention Argo and cut to an openly bitter Ben Affleck

* Every time they mention Zero Dark Thirty and cut to an openly bitter Kathryn Bigelow

* If Jessica Chastain wins Best Actress

* Anne Hathaway’s awards-show karma catches up to her and she loses Best Supporting Actress

* Argo wins Best Picture

* How to Survive a Plague wins Best Documentary

* Jennifer Lawrence makes a joke about Harvey Weinstein owning everyone in her
acceptance speech

* Someone has a wardrobe malfunction (two shots if its Matthew McConaughey)

* Jennifer Hudson and Catherine Zeta-Jones remind you why they won Oscars during the movie musical tribute

* The In Memoriam segment overlooks someone important (Sherman Hemsley, perhaps?)
adele-taylorTAKE THREE SHOTS

* Someone thanks their same-sex partner

* Anyone wins their third Oscar (see Daniel Day-Lewis, Sally Field or Robert De Niro)

* That little girl from Beasts of the Southern Wild wins Best Actress

* That old lady from Amour wins Best Actress

* Adele wins Best Original Song and the camera cuts to an openly bitter Taylor Swift

* Lincoln loses in all 11 categories its nominated in

* Nate Silver proves he can indeed walk on water and nails all the winners.

 

DOWN THE WHOLE BOTTLE
foster
*Somebody streaks across the stage

*Jodie Foster sort-of comes out again

*Someone invited Mel Gibson

*Ben Affleck wins Best Director by write-in vote

*Meryl Streep wins Best Actress

* Roman Polanski shows up

  • 5 Comments
    • DickGreenleaf
      DickGreenleaf

      Sherman Hemsley was great but what movies was he in? No, you can’t go to IMDB to check.. The musical tribute will be so bad I’m drinking already to brace myself.

      Feb 24, 2013 at 2:45 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Jackhoffsky
      Jackhoffsky

      CRASH was a better made movie.

      There. I said it.

      Feb 24, 2013 at 3:02 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • RomanHans
      RomanHans

      @Jackhoffsky: Congrats! Next you can tackle three-syllable words.

      Feb 24, 2013 at 4:36 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • RSun
      RSun

      @Jackhoffsky: I agree.

      Feb 24, 2013 at 5:30 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Jackhoffsky
      Jackhoffsky

      @RomanHans: Your perfunctory quip almost garnered a supercilious chortle, of sorts.

      Feb 25, 2013 at 6:42 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·

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