Penises are fascinating things. They’re functional. They’re pleasurable. And they have to power to make people behave in uncouth ways.
So far, 2014 has been a banner year for bizarre penis stories. The most recent one involves an Alabama man who checked into a local hospital for a routine circumcision and woke up without his penis.
The man is now suing the Princeton Baptist Medical Center in Birmingham for amputating his dick, claiming he’s suffered extended pain and suffering, as well as additional time and money in the hospital for recovery. His wife is claiming loss of consortium.
We hope the couple makes out like bandits after the nightmare they’ve been through.
Check out these other bizarre news stories involving penises from the past few months…
The man who lodged a jump rope up his schlong
In April, a Chinese man checked into the emergency room after getting a jumprope stuck inside his urethra. The man claimed to have inserted the jump rope for “sexual pleasure,” but in the process, it became knotted and lodged in his bladder. It had to be removed by a urologist coincidentally named Dr. Dong, who called the man’s masturbatory stunt “ridiculous.”
The man with the “monster penis”
Billy-Tom O’Connor went on British television to talk about his penoplasty, the practice of having one’s penis surgically enlarged. O’Conner already underwent one surgery, but he told ITV’s This Morning that he hoped to have a second operation to make his 10-inch wiener the girth of a hairspray bottle. “I always had a big one and I wanted an absolute monster,” he said. “I wanted a monster so I got one.”
The man who ordered a “penis enlarger” and got a magnifying glass instead
Let’s not forgot the Malaysian man who paid over $160 for an advertised “penis enlarger” he found online and received a $10 magnifying glass instead. The poor guy was reportedly so mortified that he filed an official complaint with the Malaysian customer complaints bureau in June. Speaking to The Sun, chairman Seri Michael Chong said “as you can imagine, [he] is feeling rather disgruntled.”
The $100K penis enlargement surgery
Speaking of small peepees, earlier this month a man named “Mike”, who claims his penis is only 4cm when flaccid and 7cm when erect, told reporters he was mortgaging his home to cover the cost of a potential $100K penis enlargement surgery. “I’d happily be less intelligent, lose a few IQ points and have a bigger penis,” he said.
The penis-shaped ice cream treats that “pop” in the mouth
In March, the fruity-flavored X-Pop hit Swedish grocery store shelves. The phallic-looking popsicles claimed to offer a sweet sherbet center that “popped” when bitten into. Costumers, naturally, had a lot to say about the product. “They have made an ice-cream dildo!” one person wrote on Facebook. GB Glace, makers of the X-Pop, claimed they had no idea why people were freaking out. It was just a popsicle.
Two men, one international penis museum
Earlier this year, two men from different parts of the world battled it out for the privilege of having one of their penises become the first human dong ever on display in a museum. One of the men said he would donate his member posthumously, while the other decided to remove his while he was still alive so he could relish in the honor before he’s gone. And the best part is, there’s a whole documentary about it. Variety put it best: “You can’t make this stuff up.”