The Queerty offices received a rather curious press release recently, announcing a creative collaboration between Disney and hairdresser-to-the-stars/Jessica Simpson’s FGBFF (former gay best friend forever) Ken Paves. The honey blond—Paves, not Simpson—has signed on for a vague partnership with Disney Fairies, the franchise built around Tinker Bell and the other magical divas of Pixie Hollow. (The fairy jokes are just too obvious even for us.)
What was particularly unusual about this missive was that it only really explains what the Disney Fairies franchise is and mentions that the two entities were collaborating. And all Paves and the Disney folks would say is that the partnership will include Paves’ “participation in an upcoming film and a personal-care product line, both releasing next year.” Pave then spits out the typical bullshit PR quote shoved into most releases:
“Inspiration from the women in my life has motivated my life-long passion to redefine the meaning of true beauty and encourage girls of all ages to embrace their own style. I am thrilled to collaborate on Disney Fairies for several exciting projects…”
Who talks like that? Don’t you try to pull one over on us, Kenny. We’d have way more respect for you if the quote were something more like this:
“Shit, this is pretty amazing. KP’s going to be making Disney dollars now—and you all know that’s some serious coin! You can bet I’m going to trot out my celebrity clients and stick a Tinker Bell barrette in each of their extensions. Also, to the little fairy boys out there: Think how worried your mommy was when you told her you wanted to grow up to be a hair dresser. Consider this my way of telling your mama to suck it!”
Using our sleuthing skills, we’d put our money on Paves playing a live-action older Tinker Bell in Secret of the Wings, the new full-length animated Disney Fairies movie coming out next year. If Ken Paves isn’t transitioning into an over-40
twink, er, Tink, and promoting beauty products for man/trans fairies then, frankly, we’re not that interested.
The lack of info in this announcement—which was made public at Disney’s D23 Expo (apparently the “Ultimate Disney Fan Event)—makes us question just how substantial his product line will be. Will Paves just dial it in with a bunch of scented soaps and lip gloss? Or can we expect a whole range of “power of pixie dust” products aimed at
lonely single women the young-at-heart.
If he debuts a tampon with Tinker Bell wings, we want a cut of the profits for putting the idea out there first.