MAGIC UNDERPANTS

There Are No Gay Mormons, Says Mormon Official

ab_mormonundiesWell, that was easy: apparently if you don’t want to have any gay people in your church, all you have to do is say that there aren’t any and it automatically becomes true.

That’s the line of of thinking employed by David A. Bednar, a high-ranking Mormon official, who says “there are no homosexual members of the church. We are not defined by sexual attraction. We are not defined by sexual behavior. We are sons and daughters of God, and all of us have different challenges of the flesh.”

Well isn’t that convenient! If sexual behavior doesn’t define you, then that means you can suck as many gay dicks as you want and never be defined as homosexual. What fun! Congratulations to all of the non-homosexual Mormon men having lots and lots of sex with each other.

Or maybe the reason he thinks there aren’t any gay Mormons is because his church does everything it can to kill them before they can come out.

We are not, of course, suggesting that Bednar is himself having sex with men. Merely that he has come up with a wonderful way for men to get naked together without ever having to be called homosexual. Good thinking. The guys down at the bathhouse are going to love that.

The 63-year-old not-homosexual went on to explain that wanting to have sex with men isn’t a sin (whew!) but acting on it is. “All of us have different challenges of the flesh,” he went on.

That’s true. We’re experiencing a challenge of the flesh right now, in that David Bednar makes ours crawl.

Back in reality, of course, there are lots of gay Mormons — though there are fewer all the time, since they and their family are leaving the church in droves. If you’re raised Mormon and are queer, there are plenty of options for you; either join a group like Affirmations, where you can meet other observant queer Mormons; or just leave the faith.

After all, a lot of us believe there are no Mormon homosexuals. We are not defined by our religious upbringing. We are not defined by our religious behavior. We are all members of a queer community, and all of us have different toxic homophobia to overcome.

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