British playwright Nicholas de Jongh will adapt actor Sir John Gielgud's triumphant return from a 1953 gay sex scandal into a stage production, Plague Over England. Says de Jongh, "The new play shows how Gielgud's arrest played a small but distinct part in the battle to make homosexuality legal… It is an extraordinary insight into the dramatic changes in social attitudes to gay life in the last fifty years." That gives us an idea: Bob Allen, Richard Curtis, Mark Foley and Larry Craig hear the news and decided today to travel as a Barber Shop Quartet to enlighten the world about sexual repression in the GOP. It can be called Elephant Shit! Any takers?