Tom Ford’s Wide Open

Gay designer Tom Ford knows a thing or two about S-E-X. The Santa Fe-bred stunner practically reinvented copulation with his work at Italian fashion house, Gucci. It’s been a few years since Ford left the brand and, as we’re sure you’ve heard, Ford recently opened an eponymous store on Madison Avenue. And – surprise, surprise! – he’s been making the press rounds.

This week’s New York contains a hefty profile of the sex-crazed sartorialist, in which Ford laments our culture’s rigid sex laws:

It’s part of our nature, wanting sex; you eat tonight and you think you’re full, but then tomorrow you’re hungry again. Now there’s all this cartoon sex because porn is so widespread—the girl going he he he he and the guy going uh uh uh uh—so boring. Imagine a hundred years ago, when you were just drawn to the person—imagine all the weird sex that happened! They didn’t know what to do, they just did what they liked. Think of how perverted it must’ve been…

Oh, don’t worry, Tom, we have. Rest assured you had a starring role. And trust when we don’t know anyone quite so pervy!

But things haven’t always been so easy for Ford, who studied at New York Universty. As Page Six reported this morning, he spent many a lonely night wishing for a lad. Then, one day, his wish came true:

One night, I was sitting in my room at Weinstein dormitory, thinking, God, please let someone knock on the door, because I was so lonely. Then this nice guy from my art-history class in this cute little blazer came in, and he asked if I wanted to go to a party. Andy Warhol was at the party, and he took us to Studio 54—wow. Even today, I still start shaking when I hear Donna Summer, because it’s the music of my coming of age. Every party I have, if I’m not careful, I end up putting that music on and whirling some girl around the dance floor.

Hmm, we do the same thing, only rather than “whirling some girl around the dance floor”, we just whirl around like a girl. Maybe Tom can come help us butch it up a bit, or something…