There’s a particular strain of house music that blooms best when fertilized with negative amounts of talent and energy. Its vocals are spoken instead of sung, its lyrics a rote laundry list of empty signifiers, its videos confusion-based paeans to non-activity, its performers occupying a less earnest cultural niche than TV actors of the 1970s and 80s whose egos demanded that they be known as more than merely “the lady who replaced Farrah Fawcett on Charlie’s Angels.”
And that is the garden in which Real Housewives of New York City‘s Countess Luann De Lesseps grows.
For your inspection, here is “Chic C’est La Vie,” her follow-up to “Money Can’t Buy You Class.” It’s a Barney’s perfume counter of competing odors. There’s talk-singing, there’s champagne-suctioning, there’s the stamping the CL logo on everything, there’s just-effed hair and extra Housewives whose names are or are not important at all, some Dale Chihuly ceiling lamp-topuses, a couple of servants lining up to offer even more bottles of booze and trays of freshly baked alcohol-squares, as well as spa days spent wrapped in terry cloth robes next to platters stocked with Gross Black Shoepolish-brand caviar, silver dollar pancakes and tiny ramekins of inedibles decorated with little shiny, mismatched, CL-stamped “PROPERTY OF” cards to remind others that they must ask before even looking at The Prop Fish Eggs of The Countess.
Bonus: A variety of demonstrations of that kind of seated dancing that glammy women do to avoid actual sweaty real dancing, as well as the peer-pressuring of others in the shot to comply with the habit of seated dancing (if you’re a guy you’re allowed to do some pointing at the DJ to prove that you own balls).
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Moral: Appearing on a scripted reality television series infuses its participants with “confidence,” “cool,” “passion,” “eleGANCE” and, best of all, “no sympathy.”
Hooray for no sympathy.
Meanwhile, in other non-news over at CNN, Anderson Cooper, the man who may be the most ardent celebrity publicist for all the various strains of Housewifery outside of Andy Cohen, is pretending to hold his nose about this song (click here for that). Good one, A.C.
christopher di spirito
The most jaw-dropping thing I’ve heard out of “Countess” Luann was when she said without a trace of irony about her singing, “I’m not Madonna but I can sing as well as Barry White.”
Let the world end now.
gregger
Cheap, C’est la Merde by Cuntess Crackerjacks is like “the Ethel Merman Disco Album,” with out any talent or thought.
Huh
What garbage… countess my ass… no one with real breeding or class would make this tripe
andrewiltern
who is this old skank???
Kevin
Okay, great!
So, can I please borrow a gun to blow the remainder of my eardrums out? Makes Rebecca Black look like Carol King
Casey
Is this Rebecca Black’s mom?
Roger
So the best part of this video is that one of the guys dancing in it is also in all the cazwell videos, BOOM, your mind has been blown!
KBKBKB
I find it terribly chic to be on a fake reality show consisting of constant bickering, backstabbing, gossiping and making up with my 5 closest fake friends who I can’t stand but invite to everything.
To “live with dignity” as the lyrics go, means air kissing the others to maintain an air of fake “class” in desperate hopes of parlaying a fake reality existence into something more long term.
I mean, a gig Dancing With The Stars (or rather, With The Has-Beens & Never-Weres) means you truly! have! arrived!
CHEEKIEY
GROSS
THIS IS WHAT SOCIETY HAS BECOME ?
CHEEKIEY
@Casey: I Think It Is.. Sounds Like Her
Mike
Oh, Countess LuMann. Money can’t buy you class, but it can buy you a second single. Elegance is learned, but singing talent is something you either have or you don’t. Just give it up, mon chou.
bluechip244
Oh My God!!
griffinwinston
“Kelly the jelly beans!!!!!”
Hahaha what the hell?
Bill
What the Hell are you queens talkin’ about? This is my new jam! Haha, hotness.
robert
hahaha. love her. hate the song. love the CL logo. Where’s she gonna stick it next?
christopher di spirito
If her music career doesn’t work out, I hear the New York Giants are looking for a new quarterback.
Haightmale
Countless de la Witches “Chic, C’est la vie” makes Kim Zolciak’s “Tardy for the Party” single sound like a much loved classic tune that will played forever, and we know that ain’t happening! I have to feel sorry for the Countless, because she doesn’t have anyone close enough to her to tell her the truth. If I wanted to hear flat talk-singing, I would rent “My Fair Lady,” as Rex Harrison invented the genre, and the genre died when he did.
http://haightmale.blogspot.com/
Mark
Sounds like Amanda Lepore’s champaign and my hair looks fierce.