We got a bit tired of reading the news, so we headed on over to Mark Simpson's blog to see what the daddy of "metrosexual" has to say for himself this fine Monday morn'. Boy, were we tickled to find he's yakking it up about something we never tire of: blowjobs.

In said piece, Simpson ruminates on the historical relevance of fellatio, sucking's "icky" mythology and the ways it's evolved over the years etc… One segment that caught out twisted eyes involves an oral arrangement between a young Simpson and a school chum:

Perhaps it was the ‘now wash your hands’ dirtiness of pee-pees that caused the lad that used to toss me off in the Fifth Year in a darkened deserted Geography class-room every Tuesday afternoon after Games to make an intriguing offer. ‘I’ll suck it for you next time,’ he promised, in response to my increasingly frantic suggestions. ‘But only,’ he added, ‘if you bring some toothpaste to put on it.’ Maybe I just hadn’t yet got the hang of foreskin hygiene. Whatever, to this day I still get an erection every time I brush my teeth.

There you have it, folks, Mark Simpson's real hard-on for flouride-infused gels.

(If this doesn't get us noticed by The National Lesbian and Gay Journalists Association, nothing will…)