“If you read most status updates on gay and bi men’s groups on social media you will find that ‘tops’ present themselves as superior to ‘bottoms,'” Indian blogger Harry Ess writes in an new op-ed titled “Why do Indian tops think they are better than bottoms?” and published on Gay Star News. “This doesn’t seem to be the situation in the West but is a very common prejudice in India.”
Ess recalls being an adolescent and hearing that bottoms were somehow inferior to tops.
“I realized very quickly that in the eyes of society, the worst thing on earth is to get fucked,” he says. “Society views people who get penetrated as inherently inferior to those who penetrate. The man who gets fucked is the cheapest person in the world and has virtues straight from hell.”
As a result, Ess says each time he bottomed for another man he “felt guilty” for enjoying it, and it took several years for him to overcome these feelings.
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“To my mind,” he continues, “every gay man is basically [a] bottom. He wants a dick in his hand, mouth–and quite probably ass. The concept of a ‘pure top gay’ is a myth.”
Gay blogger Rich Juzwiak would likely agree. His recent op-ed Who’s the Man? How Being Versatile in Bed Is a Way of Life is all about the perks of being versatile in the bedroom.
“So why is it that top gays so often look at bottoms as merely a thing to use for their pleasure,” Ess asks, “and why do bottom gay men in India so often feel more insecure in a relationship?”
Ess believes much of it has to do with internalized homophobia, which he ultimately feels is holding back the entire LGBT community in his country. In December 2013, India’s Supreme Court reinstated a colonial era ban on gay sex after it had been deemed unconstitutional nearly ten years earlier, prompting widespread outrage across the country.
“Is a top pretending to be worthier than a bottom any less a form of discrimination than a straight person imagining themselves better than a lesbian, bisexual or gay one?” he writes. “If we as gay men want equal status in society, we first must stop this kind of mentality. Otherwise shouting for gay rights or taking part in any number of LGBTI Pride parades is of no worth.”
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Daniepwils
I am a proud bottom! I wear it with pride. The sad thing is almost everyone assumes I am a top, that annoys me to no end. Stigma’s like these only affect you if you let them.
Giancarlo85
I’m proud as me. I don’t like labels. I’m just me. Some think I’m a bottom, but again as I said… I don’t really do anal. And if I were, I’m purely versatile.
tdh1980
This bottom shame of which he speaks definitely is cross-cultural. I laugh every time I access Scruff and read the ways in which self-identified bottoms describe themselves: “masculine,” “muscular,” “aggressive,” “alpha,” etc. They are hard-pressed to let everyone know that what they do is neither passive nor weak, as if being the receptive anal sex partner makes one inherently so. This all stems from misogyny, of course, because we equate bottoming with being the “woman” in the relationship, and due to our social conditioning, we view them — even subconsciously — as inferior and fragile. It’s high time that everyone gets over these insecurities. Bottom is much more an action than an identification.
Lvng1Tor
His last paragraph is a bit of a stretch but this ridiculous stigma does still affect many in the gay community. This stupid heteronormative male dominance bs pounded (no pun intended) into young boys that if they are not stronger bigger more aggressive they are a victim or less than or feminine. I just laugh at those guys…..so many of them are top on the street and slap me and call me suzie in the sack. There is nothing truly submissive about being a bttm…it’s that persons choice to give it up, not the tops, the top just has the illusion of control. One is no better than the other though
Giancarlo85
@Lvng1Tor: I think many feminine guys are stronger and more secure with themselves than these so called “masculine men”. We even see that on this site… many of those who attack and criticize feminine gay men are often the most insecure and defensive.
Mykaels
Mostly cultural. In many cultures and communities, even here in the U.S., you are not gay if you perform the “male role” of penetration. Historically male rape has been seen as a way of shaming a man as “weaker”. Prisoners would be penetrated anally as a form of submission, as were prisoners. It is seen as “taking the woman’s place” which, in a world that is still extremely misogynistic, is seen as weakness and lesser. India, the african american community, the middle east, Asia, etc. Even in Ancient Greece, if a man had sex with both men and women, that was ok (Alexander the Great), whereas Hephaestion, despite being a brilliant commander and warrior, was seen as lesser for seemingly only prefering to “bottom”.
Billy Budd
What would happen to the tops if there were no bottoms?
Kangol
Indian tops, bottoms, verses…sounds like a bonanza to me!
Black Pegasus
Well the truth is; Tops ARE superior to bottoms. Particularly masculine Tops. In fact we are so sought after, that we can even flip other Tops if our swag and masculinity out matches theirs. If any of this isn’t true, why aren’t fem bottoms chasing after other bottoms. You guys can sit here and be politically correct all day, but “ain’t nobody got time for dat.”
Now go ahead and flag my comment. It won’t make it any less true 🙂
jwtraveler
I like to think of being gay as the joining of equals. Categorizing gay men as tops or bottoms is heteronormative, homophobic and oppressive to men and women. It’s also just plain false. If all gay men were purely tops or bottoms, there would be virtually no HIV transmission. Reality proves otherwise.
The recently publicized sexual violence against women in India is evidence of the deep-seated problem India has with dominant and submissive sex roles. Of course this issue is not limited to India.
scotshot
@Black Pegasus: I imagine you’re the “Top” that’s flipped quite often as compared to other “Tops”. From my experience, guys like you don’t “measure up” physically or mentally. You know you love it bitch.
lykeitiz
“Whatever. Liking what I like don’t make me a bitch.” – Mickey, “Shameless”
suaveOne
frankly i tink bottoms are stronger like d woman are too in a straight relationship. they take d D, wich a ‘top’ cant.
Giancarlo85
@Black Pegasus: I doubt you measure up to your talk either. And I doubt you are masculine nor much of a top. I guess you can talk about something you dream about, and I bet you don’t have much luck getting laid either.
Giancarlo85
By the way, I see more fem guys being top and going to other fem guys all the time these days. Even less luck for you and even a smaller chance for you to get laid. But hey one can get struck by lightning twice in the same spot.
Geeker
I’ve never bottomed, I’ve just never had the desire to try it but I don’t think that makes me any more or less masculine than anyone else, I just don’t like putting stuff up my ass.lol
hyhybt
“Nearly ten years earlier?” Wasn’t it more like two?
@Billy Budd: They’d learn versatility.
Black Pegasus
@scotshot: @Giancarlo85: LOL based on your insults, you both seem plenty butt hurt (pun intended) by my comments. That means I’ve won.
Lets see how many more will take the bait like you two angry bottoms 🙂
hyhybt
OK, this is ugly… the ad at the top of the page, above the Queerty logo, is the vertical kind that’s supposed to go down the side.
Danny
Olkay, this is extremely prejudiced and down right absurd. While I’ll admit that there is some prejudice against feminine men and bottoms (because they aren’t the same thing) the assertion that there is no such thing as total tops or that all told are abusive bottom hating bigots is just as bad. I am a total top. I’m not interested in bottoming. I enjoy topping for my own pleasure and I enjoy making my boyfriend feel good. These are the same types of people who think there is no such thing as bisexuals or that trans and gay are synonymous. Get an education.
Vidontag
I’ve always been intrigued by sex roles. I consider myself a bottom who doesn’t get fucked. Tried it, hated it: too neurotic, too painful, too lazy to prepare. And I can honestly say that I’ve never had the desire to penetrate any orifice. Tried half-heartedy a few times, didn’t like it. I hate getting head, too, and I don’t even give a shit if I orgasm during sex (prefer not to – too much pressure). I’m not proud of my anal aversion, and I may keep trying, but what can I say? To quote Emily Blunt, “no one gets through life unscathed.” I have had many oral encounters with guys who identify as tops, and many will say things like “With a dick like mine, what choice do I have?” or, “Tried bottoming, not for me, so what else is there?” Gay sex, in a way, doesn’t really “exist”, so we have to keep “inventing” it and imbuing it with different meanings. I think sex has to do with a lot more than just “desire” and “preference”.
hyhybt
“I hate getting head”— You are probably the first person in the history of the world ever to say that.
Bob LaBlah
@Black Pegasus: “Well the truth is; Tops ARE superior to bottoms. Particularly masculine Tops.”
Considering the fire you were breathing over on myvidster in regards to the black guy from HARLEM who loves for white guys to breed……………….honey, you are a hypocrite. Keep in mind what you just said, “superior”, and your reaction to that vid.
LandStander
@Black Pegasus: “Why aren’t bottoms chasing other bottoms? ”
Uhh… because we aren’t just rubbing our asses together for sex… Was that supposed to contain a point..?
Giancarlo85
@Black Pegasus: You’re hilariously wrong. First off, when I do anal, I am mostly a top. Secondly, I have a boyfriend and with him while we are both vers, I tend to top. Third, if I was single I would not be interested in topping someone with a personality like your own. Your personality literally would turn me off and make me go soft. And finally, you’re not someone I’d want to even meet. Oh and I did forget something… STDs aren’t sexy so that pretty much rules you out.
Masculine tops though… something you dream about being. By the way, I’m a feminine vers (who mainly tops when it comes down to it). So a bit of a mindf–k for someone as simple minded as you.
Giancarlo85
@Danny: Danny, you can’t fix stupid… some people on here don’t think… well at least not with their mind. They think with their other head.
People tend to think certain assumptions when they see me. Because I can be androgynous in a sense… I once got called a lesbian. Now that was hilarious. I didn’t quite get that one. But no, I’m a gay male… I’m not one who likes labels nor do I stick to stupid norms. But yea, some have very strict ideas what it is to be gay on this site.
According to some:
Fem guys = weak, pathetic. Masc guys = strong, confident.
Funny how it is so often the other way around and those so called “masculine guys” are weak and pathetic, and feminine guys are the most confident.
Disciple
It should be noted that in India it is also considered submissive and furthermore that to be submissive is to be feminine. I disagree with the whole assessment there but the culture is very different.
What makes it super odd is they even have a Hindu festival where males have sex with males, however it is only considered homosexual for one to take the submissive role.
I can’t recall the name of the festival it has been a long time however it is worthy of noting there are huge differences in how the west and east view sexuality in this regard.
Saint Law
I’ve never met a Total Top who wasn’t a psychopath.
Bob LaBlah
@Saint Law: Thanks for that info. Now I understand YOUR weird/bizarre responses to just about everything.
Captain Obvious
I actually got made fun of by a bottom for admitting I like to bottom… People really do think it makes them the “man” in the relationship. Doesn’t matter how big you are, how “masculine”, or anything else. If you like to bottom you’re looked down upon by idiots.
It’s amazing how much bigotry there is within the “gay community” over every little difference no matter how small. Sexual position, skin color, hair color, eye color, fem/butch, etc. Every little thing held under a microscope instead of being able to see the full range of an individual.
Sometimes I almost wonder what it would’ve been like if I was straight only because straight girls don’t give me so much crap about being who I am. It’s crazy, they just flat out hit on me rather than analyze me.
And none of this is exclusive to India. Happens right here in America all the time.
If you’re over a certain height and build everyone just assumes you’re a top.
vive
@hyhybt, he’s not the only one. For me getting head is a yawn with most guys, and painfully awful with more guys than you would think (those teeth!). I always appreciate the attempt, but only a minority of guys really know how to give acceptable head.
lykeitiz
@vive: “Acceptable head?” LOL – that should be a rock band name!
But more importantly, I seriously would like to top the guy in the picture!
billforsyth
In some cultures being penetrated is viewed in much the same way as being female and therefore inferior .An attitude which any civilised person would consider backward and most certainly not superior .Quite the opposite in fact and unless you are a prostitute having sex with men means that you are gay .Top or bottom or versatile the clue is in being sexually attracted to your own sex.
Matt
A bottom is playing the part of a woman, but is not as convincing. They can’t seem to accept the fact that their anus isn’t their gay vagina. Sadly, they live extremely unhealthy lives but they feel this is what they have to do in order to live in the gay world. If a gay guy was meant to be penetrated between the legs he’d have another hole there.
Matt
@Daniepwils: Honey, be glad people think you’re a top because there’s nothing to be proud of being a bottom feeder, it’s self loathing.
mokuhulu
Internalized homophobia. The perception is that to like to bottom is less manly and therefore inferior. Hogwash. It takes a real man to take it. Any panzy can just stick it in.
dave lopes
@jwtraveler: HEIN? No HIV transmission if gays were strictly top or bottom? What kind of science do you espouse????
dave lopes
@Saint Law: and what about total bottoms?
dave lopes
The problem is with people linking their self esteem to what they do in bed.
Gays are part of the community at large and cannot escape the hetero standards.
And in society, the penetrator is seen as the dominant partner.
And as men (gay or straight) we value dominance.
Tops use bottoms and bottoms use tops.
You can be top with one partner and bottom with another.
All that matters is that there is a match and both sides are satisfied.
charmin88
Lol… “acceptable head” that made me laugh so hard, but I get it I don’t really care to much about receiving head. But every time I met someone who I start talking to wants to give me head. This one guy I was with we had a scary movie moment when Bobby was trying to push Cindy head down to his dick, but it was the opposite I was try to keep his head from going down there. He said “just let me kick the tip” I felt like we were tug a warin (which is not a word) but you get the struggle. So yeah there is some of us gay guys out there that don’t care for head.
charmin88
@charmin88: I meant lick lord knows I really wouldn’t want it if he kicked it lol….
Brian McInnis
@Daniepwils: Nice apostrophe.
Brian McInnis
Any things referred to as ‘top’ and ‘bottom’ are by definition superior and inferior, respectively, as ‘superior’ means ‘above’ and ‘inferior’ means ‘below’.
Brian McInnis
Where did Ess get the idea that the stigma against receptive men has to do with internalized fear of humans?
imperator
Come on, this is no mystery at all to anyone who’s been paying attention. India is rife with homophobia– “bottom-phobia” in particular– because it’s rife with sexism/misogyny; misogyny and homophobia go hand-in-filthy-hand. When your cultural baseline is dependent upon the fragile fuckin’ notion of “the straight manly male” everything that deviates from that must necessarily be hated. Women and ‘femininity’ represent an “undermining” alternative that must be kept subjugated, and other men who engage in “womanly/feminine acts” like taking a dick represent subversion and betrayal of the baseline.
You can’t eradicate homophobia without sorting out your sexist bullshit. Either the “masculine” and “feminine” are equally valued at the societal level, or you’re going to have gradations and degradation.
enfilmigult
Oh, absolutely it’s internalized homophobia. I remember feeling the exact same way when I was setting out in life, and that was the reason: maybe I’m gay, homophobic people whose favor I still kind of want, but look! At least I’m still a “man,” so that’s good, right? Pretty awful way to think and I’m glad I got over it.
Sweetie Pie
Bottoms of the world…..unite !
Nedra
All bottoms should only give their ass to versatile and let [exclusive] tops fuck themselves.