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Top 10 Most Ridiculous Things Ever Said About Gay Sex By Conservatives

 

“Who wants to practice anything that is going to ultimately lead a grown man to about the time he’s in his 40s or 50s, or what not, having to wear a diaper or a ‘butt plug’ just to be able to contain their bowels?” — Patrick Wooden

 

What Dumb Conservatives Will Hear: Gay sex means you’ll have to wear diapers.

The Reality: In a discussion with the Americans for Truth about Homosexuality, Pastor Patrick Wooden tried his best to shoot down homosexual intercourse by spouting the usual conservative hate rhetoric — gay sex is a sin and unnatural, semen was not designed for the rectum, gay sex will destroy the human race, and so on. Wooden’s coup d’état of ridiculousness commenced when he predicted the repercussion of gay sex to be an overly-stretched anus in constant need of a butt plug. It seems to us that Pastor Wooden has spent much less time researching medical journals, and more time in the hardcore section of some pretty graphic websites.

 

By:           DANIEL ADDICE
On:           Apr 19, 2013
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , ,
  • 40 Comments
    • Darson
      Darson

      It cuts 20 years off your life…

      Yeah but it’s the last 20 and those are usually the shitty ones anyway.

      Apr 19, 2013 at 2:38 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Darson
      Darson

      “Eating poo and scat play is the standard for gay sex”?

      What browser are you using Ssempa!?? Type in scat and 99.9 percent of what you find
      is men pooping on women! Anxiously awaiting your response.

      Apr 19, 2013 at 2:43 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • B Damion
      B Damion

      Y’all I just can’ rim. I won’t even try. the idea just makes me wanna puck.

      Apr 19, 2013 at 2:50 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • B Damion
      B Damion

      Rim jobs and having my nuts squeezed hard is it for me. I just can’t. Two men shouldn’t be squeezing each others balls anyway. the hands r just too strong.

      Apr 19, 2013 at 2:51 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Captain proton
      Captain proton

      Genesis 19:8 “Look, I have two daughters who have not known a man; let me bring them out to you, and do to them as you please; only do nothing to these men, for they have come under the shelter of my roof.”

      This is Lot, offering the crowd outside his home in Sodom to take his two virgin daughters, just so they’ll leave his guests alone and let them sleep.

      any time someone talks of the evils of sodomy, tell them to go read this verse.

      Apr 19, 2013 at 2:56 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • hyhybt
      hyhybt

      Lessons learned:
      1) Don’t stick my penis into a 220 volt electrical socket. Apparently a 110 socket would be fine, though. You first.

      Apr 19, 2013 at 4:09 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • iBLOW
      iBLOW

      I find it funny that they brought up Scat Play, which straight people do. I honestly think straight sex has more nasty stuff going on in it.

      Apr 19, 2013 at 4:15 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • 2nd Class Citizen
      2nd Class Citizen

      If the Ass-hat Pat Robertson would actually read his bible he might stumble across this in Ezekiel 16:48-49

      48As I live, saith the Lord God, Sodom thy sister hath not done, she nor her daughters, as thou hast done, thou and thy daughters.

      49Behold, this was the iniquity of thy sister Sodom, pride, fulness of bread, and abundance of idleness was in her and in her daughters, neither did she strengthen the hand of the poor and needy.

      Here Robertson’s non-existent god clearly says he killed everyone in Sodom (including infants and the unborn) because of pride and greed. Nice god!

      Apr 19, 2013 at 5:15 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • hyhybt
      hyhybt

      @2nd Class Citizen: I still find Jeremiah 8:8 the most helpful in listening to “inerrant literal Bible” types. “How can you say, ‘we are wise, for we have the law of the Lord,’ when actually the lying pen of the scribes has handled it falsely?”

      Apr 19, 2013 at 5:21 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Righteous
      Righteous

      Hey Ssempa when it comes to eating poop you might want to check out Santorum…. That’s all that comes out of his mouth.

      Apr 19, 2013 at 5:56 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • jackpapa
      jackpapa

      One of the most shocking days of my life came when I found that my nephew had posted Ssempa’s poop press conference on his facebook page, along with some choice comments. It, of course, showed up in my news feed. I confronted him on it, and we posted back and forth and in all of his posts he used such vile language in his unwavering support of what Ssempa had said, that I wound up disowning him. (Unfriending just seemed too weak a response)- I have not seen or spoken to him in many years and that is the waay it will stay.

      Apr 19, 2013 at 6:04 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • milomorris
      milomorris

      Christians who think that the sin of Sodom was homosexuality don’t know their bible very well. Ezekiel chapter 16, verse 49 says:

      “Behold, this was the iniquity of thy sister Sodom, pride, fulness of bread, and abundance of idleness was in her and in her daughters, neither did she strengthen the hand of the poor and needy.”

      Apr 19, 2013 at 6:44 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • daniwitz13
      daniwitz13

      If a hundred people in a room “claimed” that they were Gay, would you know which one may have lied? Which one was really one? What if none of them, would you have known? If he says he is but isn’t would you know? If he says he isn’t but he is, would you know? Do you just take the word of everyone that says things. Does a Court of Law require proof of Identity? Can a Judge tell who is or isn’t Gay? Is just telling the Judge that one is Gay enough for proof? Boy, you are a good candidate for those spare bridges that I’ve been trying to sell. Pity.

      Apr 19, 2013 at 6:51 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • jwallyd73
      jwallyd73

      @jackpapa:

      It is so sad that “family” behave so atrociously. Kudos to you for separating yourself from such judgmental ignorance. Family is so much more than blood ties, but support beyond that with which we have personal experience. I applaud your commitment to that which is RIGHT.

      Apr 19, 2013 at 7:53 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Vallin
      Vallin

      No brainer #10. Bring on my hot femboy harem!

      Apr 19, 2013 at 7:56 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • hf2hvit
      hf2hvit

      @B Damion: Oh, excuse me…was this about YOU?

      “Your sex life complications are not my fascination”

      Apr 19, 2013 at 8:00 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Joe
      Joe

      The “20 years” figure was come up with in a ridiculous way: Someone took the ages of obituaries in gay newspapers in the 1980s and averaged them. It’s like saying, well, the average age of kids who die in car accidents are 13, therefore kids live 59 years less than the average person.

      Apr 19, 2013 at 8:20 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Charles175
      Charles175

      Just wait long enough and an ass like these will start referring to the “Gerbiling” myth.

      Apr 19, 2013 at 8:22 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Charles175
      Charles175

      @iBLOW: They do have more nasty shit in their closets as these vain imaginations come directly from their hearts.

      Apr 19, 2013 at 8:41 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • dbmyers
      dbmyers

      @B Damion: Who asked you to? People make their own decisions as to what does or does not turn them on and neither you, nor anyone else, has the right to make that decision for any one else, unless those actions violate the rights of others, involve the use of force (rape), or are engaged in with persons unable to give informed consent due to age, incapacity, mental awareness, or lack of consciousness.

      Apr 19, 2013 at 10:05 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • D9W
      D9W

      What get’s me is the heterosexuals have oral sex too, and from what I have been told it can be just as stinky and messy too. That’s what soap and showers are for but you would never fine that in the Bible either. According Old Songs of Solomon 7:8, morning breath smells like fine Apples. I don’t know about you but I never smelled morning breath that smelled like fine apples. And according to 7:2 navels produce fine honey wine. Try something lower and I never thought of it smelling like honey. Sorry I did not mean to devirginize all those gay boys’ minds with too much hetro information. But my point is most of the right wing crazies have never even read their own religious book.

      Yeah, I know these old farts that make these proclamations probably never had oral sex. And probably shouldn’t. It might give them a heart attack. What it comes down to it, what these wind bag are talking about is what they think people do, not what they really do. After all these guys are a legend in their own mind.

      Apr 19, 2013 at 10:55 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • hyhybt
      hyhybt

      @jackpapa: I’m sorry to hear that.

      Apr 19, 2013 at 11:09 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • DOFEK
      DOFEK

      If you only heard what I say about fucking Christian! you won`t be surprise!! AdamHomo

      Apr 20, 2013 at 11:23 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Pix
      Pix

      Any ideas why Christians worry more about what adults do consensually with each other who are not of their religion rather than clergymen (not just Catholic priests, btw) preying on children they’re trusted with (in both hetero & homosexual fashions)? I don’t get this or why they get upset when someone interrupts their homophobic rant and/or promoting their “superior morality because I have a holy book” to point that out (and that Jesus said to worry about the beam in their own eye than the splinter in their neighbors).

      Apr 21, 2013 at 12:28 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • InscrutableTed
      InscrutableTed

      Rick Santorum seems to be unaware that adultery is legal.

      Apr 21, 2013 at 12:31 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Dresden
      Dresden

      I totally support Rick Santorum’s assertion that I now have the right to anything.

      Apr 22, 2013 at 1:42 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • B Damion
      B Damion

      @dbmyers & the other one. Don’t try to bully me into silence.

      Apr 22, 2013 at 1:06 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • bigomega73
      bigomega73

      If God made a penis to only go inside a vagina, then why on Earth would he put the male G-spot inside the man’s ass???

      Apr 22, 2013 at 6:56 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • EvonCook
      EvonCook

      I think Paul Cameron was on to something important. Of course, gay sex is the best! And, since all people are actually bisexual (that is they could respond to stimulation by either sex), we know which one offers the best sex experience and it seems so does Paul Cameron, so it could be a real worry for straights that they may die out, or rather more likely that they are just damn envious that they KNOW their sex is boring compared to gay sex!
      And, certainly in my childhood, teenage years and adulthood I’ve had more than ten times the amount of sex had by the straights I know. And yes, they are jealous –a few (married) have even asked to try it with me and have come back for a lot more!
      I truly love the epiphany, the awakening and the utter amazement of a straight man who experiences great gay sex for the first time! Some feel guilty, but like most converts they certainly can be demanding and zealous for a while! Two classmates (now married and fathers) in boarding school roomed with me just to get the daily bjs, a college footballer actually stalked me until I let him move in ( he was the best ever morning, noon and night!), and two husbands (and fathers!) in my apartment building play at “visiting” when the little lady is out to avail themselves of a good release –even they say guys “just suck better.” I can imagine a time when gay sex is the norm and heterosexuality is mainly for breeding.
      The Arabs have a great ancient saying: “Boys for pleasure, women for reproduction and mellon for sheer delight!”

      Apr 22, 2013 at 7:33 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • cleanhenn
      cleanhenn

      Clearly gay sex leads to slaughtering angels and calling poop chocolate. It all makes sense.

      Apr 23, 2013 at 2:31 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • D9W
      D9W

      @bigomega73: RE: Q: If God made a penis to only go inside a vagina, then why on Earth would ‘God’ put the male G-spot inside the man’s ass???

      Because SHE knew 90 Percent of Heterosexuals Males are Anal-Retentive. And SHE wanted revenge for Heterosexuals Males trying to make her in their image.

      Apr 23, 2013 at 3:06 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Matt
      Matt

      Sadly, there’s a lot of truth to this but not all of it. So many gay men are involved in their anus or other guy’s anuses and it’s just filthy, the rimming, fisting, anal sex, etc. All the diseases they keep giving each other from those parasites that inhabit the colon. The prostate gland isn’t a g-spot. If it were every gay man would be verse and it’s just nasty and smelly in there. The penis is a perfect fit for a vagina and all the sex positions involved and the vagina is lubricated and doesn’t get tiny tears like bottoms do. You can clearly understand why bottoms have so many problems, but they keep doing it to make the top happy.

      May 5, 2013 at 7:25 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • D9W
      D9W

      Oh Matt- have you never heard of a shower? Most people use them to clean their bodies. Did you fail human sexuality or missed the part where Heterosexuals have ORAL sex too? And Sorry Charlie the prostate is the G-Spot for men, just some people don’t know it. And NO people don’t get diseases for licking someone’s rear. Most people are not from third world countries and don’t have parasites and diseases. And most people, who are not from third world countries, know how to use a Fleet Enemas if they are worried about internal issues. So you might want to go back to your ex-gay denial. I hear the 700 club wants you back.

      May 5, 2013 at 9:04 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • bigomega73
      bigomega73

      @D9W: HAHA!! Omigod that was fucking awesome! Marry me D9W!

      May 5, 2013 at 11:54 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • D9W
      D9W

      Another thing Matt- you might want to check out your ‘Bible’ but Song of Solomon 7:2 talks about a guy going down on his girl friend orally: ‘Your navel {think of something a lot lower) is a rounded bowl that never lacks mixed wine’. How hygienic was that 2000+ years ago? I am really sorry Matt they didn’t teach you those code words for VIGINA back in Sunday School.

      Also I really don’t think any woman would want her breast referred to as clusters of the vine or two fawns or tell them that their nose is like the tower of Lebanon as pointed east or something in 7:3-4. Even a gay man would not be so stupid.

      And I for one, do not think your morning breath smells of apples as in 7:8. I personally think you should brush your breath with Minty Colgate Toothpaste before you get anywhere near me in the AM.

      So before you grace us with your wisdom of what is YUCKy, please visit your own religious text and take the log out of your own eye, before you try to critique someone else’s sexual habits. For Unlike King David, I will not be taking you out into the Field and show you my love, like King David did with Jonathan (meaning they had ANUAL and/or ORAL SEX).

      Note to the rest of you: Sorry guys, I don’t mean to de-virginize your minds, but somebody really needs to educate this 700 Club moron about sex.

      May 6, 2013 at 2:07 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • D9W
      D9W

      Speaking of Pat Robertson- he just popped out at the bottom of the screen with a message>> Also on Queerty- Surprise Pat Robertson Defends Chris Broussard’s Anti-Gay Remarks on ESPN.

      I did not mean to misspell Anal Sex. But the guy really does have a way of freaking you out while typing.

      May 6, 2013 at 2:17 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • hyhybt
      hyhybt

      @D9W: You can brush your teeth with Minty Colgate toothpaste, but you can only brush your breath with Dentyne :)

      May 6, 2013 at 11:57 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Matt
      Matt

      @D9W: You’re so naive! lol Parasites are in the butt. It’s called human waste. It’s not surprising how many gay men have stomach and bowel problems from this, as well as numerous STDs. Men do not have a g-spot. Women really, really do. There’s a lot of truth in that article.

      May 6, 2013 at 6:59 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • bigomega73
      bigomega73

      @Matt: Replying to trolls is usually beneath me but your post is so ridiculous that I had to. Human waste is a parasite? So what is urine? A virus? And where the heck did you get that gay men have so many stomach and bowel problems? If you actually did your research you’d see that gay men have much less instances of prostate cancer. So looks like all that playing with your prostate might actually be good for it. And all you have to do is Google “male g-spot” and you’ll find that it is indeed the prostate. But I guess using Google is a little over your head judging by your easily discounted assumptions

      May 6, 2013 at 7:48 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Matt
      Matt

      @bigomega73: Guys like you are lame. You probably call anuses manpu**ies and manginas. We all know men don’t have g-spots, clits, and labias. And we all know that anuses have no lubrication like vaginas. You guys are always trying to feminize your bottoms. lol Educate yourself. I’ll throw it back at ya! “Replying to trolls is usually beneath me but your post is so ridiculous that I had to.”

      May 7, 2013 at 6:27 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·

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