“Please don’t be sad, it’s for the better,” the note reads. “The life I would’ve lived isn’t worth living in… because I’m transgender.”
16-year-old Leelah Alcorn (pictured) died Sunday morning at 2:20 a.m. in a suspected suicide. Police believe she had walked between three to four miles from her parent’s house in Kings Mill, Ohio to Interstate 71 where she leaped in front of a truck. Alcorn’s death is now being investigated by the Ohio State Highway Patrol.
Following her death, a suicide note appeared on Alcorn’s Tumblr page that suggested that she intended to kill herself. The missive offers a heartbreaking glimpse into the life of a teenager struggling with being accepted by her family and unable to see a hopeful future for herself:
If you are reading this, it means that I have committed suicide and obviously failed to delete this post from my queue.
Please don’t be sad, it’s for the better. The life I would’ve lived isn’t worth living in… because I’m transgender. I could go into detail explaining why I feel that way, but this note is probably going to be lengthy enough as it is. To put it simply, I feel like a girl trapped in a boy’s body, and I’ve felt that way ever since I was 4. I never knew there was a word for that feeling, nor was it possible for a boy to become a girl, so I never told anyone and I just continued to do traditionally “boyish” things to try to fit in.
When I was 14, I learned what transgender meant and cried of happiness. After 10 years of confusion I finally understood who I was. I immediately told my mom, and she reacted extremely negatively, telling me that it was a phase, that I would never truly be a girl, that God doesn’t make mistakes, that I am wrong. If you are reading this, parents, please don’t tell this to your kids. Even if you are Christian or are against transgender people don’t ever say that to someone, especially your kid. That won’t do anything but make them hate them self. That’s exactly what it did to me.
My mom started taking me to a therapist, but would only take me to christian therapists, (who were all very biased) so I never actually got the therapy I needed to cure me of my depression. I only got more christians telling me that I was selfish and wrong and that I should look to God for help.
When I was 16 I realized that my parents would never come around, and that I would have to wait until I was 18 to start any sort of transitioning treatment, which absolutely broke my heart. The longer you wait, the harder it is to transition. I felt hopeless, that I was just going to look like a man in drag for the rest of my life. On my 16th birthday, when I didn’t receive consent from my parents to start transitioning, I cried myself to sleep.
I formed a sort of a “fuck you” attitude towards my parents and came out as gay at school, thinking that maybe if I eased into coming out as trans it would be less of a shock. Although the reaction from my friends was positive, my parents were pissed. They felt like I was attacking their image, and that I was an embarrassment to them. They wanted me to be their perfect little straight christian boy, and that’s obviously not what I wanted.
So they took me out of public school, took away my laptop and phone, and forbid me of getting on any sort of social media, completely isolating me from my friends. This was probably the part of my life when I was the most depressed, and I’m surprised I didn’t kill myself. I was completely alone for 5 months. No friends, no support, no love. Just my parent’s disappointment and the cruelty of loneliness.
At the end of the school year, my parents finally came around and gave me my phone and let me back on social media. I was excited, I finally had my friends back. They were extremely excited to see me and talk to me, but only at first. Eventually they realized they didn’t actually give a shit about me, and I felt even lonelier than I did before. The only friends I thought I had only liked me because they saw me five times a week.
After a summer of having almost no friends plus the weight of having to think about college, save money for moving out, keep my grades up, go to church each week and feel like shit because everyone there is against everything I live for, I have decided I’ve had enough. I’m never going to transition successfully, even when I move out. I’m never going to be happy with the way I look or sound. I’m never going to have enough friends to satisfy me. I’m never going to have enough love to satisfy me. I’m never going to find a man who loves me. I’m never going to be happy. Either I live the rest of my life as a lonely man who wishes he were a woman or I live my life as a lonelier woman who hates herself. There’s no winning. There’s no way out. I’m sad enough already, I don’t need my life to get any worse. People say “it gets better” but that isn’t true in my case. It gets worse. Each day I get worse.
That’s the gist of it, that’s why I feel like killing myself. Sorry if that’s not a good enough reason for you, it’s good enough for me. As for my will, I want 100% of the things that I legally own to be sold and the money (plus my money in the bank) to be given to trans civil rights movements and support groups, I don’t give a shit which one. The only way I will rest in peace is if one day transgender people aren’t treated the way I was, they’re treated like humans, with valid feelings and human rights. Gender needs to be taught about in schools, the earlier the better. My death needs to mean something. My death needs to be counted in the number of transgender people who commit suicide this year. I want someone to look at that number and say “that’s fucked up” and fix it. Fix society. Please.
Goodbye,
(Leelah) Josh Alcorn
A second note was also published issuing various apologies to Alcorn’s sisters and brother, along with a scathing final message to her parents:
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
And now for my sorry notes to some people I knew…
Amanda: You are going to have such a wonderful life. You are the most talented and pretty little girl I’ve ever met and I love you so much, Amanda. Please don’t be sad. I’m going to miss you so very much. I love you.
Tiffany: We haven’t talked much recently since we’re both so busy but I’m so happy you’re my sister. You are so courageous and determined to achieve what you want, you can accomplish anything. I love you.
Justin: We’ve been jerks to each other a lot recently but I really do love you. You get on my nerves almost all the time but no matter what a part of me will always love you. Sorry for picking on you so much when we were kids.
Rylan: I’m so sorry I’m never there for you. I love you so much.
Abby: Thank you for dealing with my pathetic problems, all I did was make your life harder and I’m sorry.
Mom and Dad: Fuck you. You can’t just control other people like that. That’s messed up.
After her daughter’s death, Alcorn’s mother, Carla Wood Alcorn, posted a message on her Facebook page that said: “My sweet 16 year old son, Joshua Ryan Alcorn went home to heaven this morning. He was out for an early morning walk and was hit by a truck. Thank you for the messages and kindness and concern you have sent our way. Please continue to keep us in your prayers.”
h/t: GayStarNews
Related stories:
Trans Woman Brutally Beaten In New York, Hate Crime Investigation Underway
This Kid’s Rap About Transgender Acceptance Is Just Plain Perfect
Laverne Cox Will Take TV Viewers Inside The Lives Of Transgender Young People
Graham Gremore is a columnist and contributor for Queerty and Life of the Law. Follow him on Facebook and Twitter.
Scribe38
R.I.P I hope you find the love you missed on earth in heaven. You have my tears.
throwslikeagirl
Absolutely heartbreaking. Her mother’s Facebook post went through me like a cold stab in my heart.
gauty
I hope the mother burns in hell for all eternity. What a vile, despicable worthless runt of a woman. In her message she both erases her daughter’s identity and tries to cover up her suicide. Fuck that heinous bitch.
Xzamilio
Heaven…. Hell… just more made up nonsense attached to the fairy tales of religions that kill people. This young girl died because of her parents and their stupid superstition. So damn tired of reading stories like these and having people ignore the true catalyst of all of these things…. RELIGION. Of course she would have fundamentalist Christian parents… didn’t the majority of us? She’s not in Heaven… She’s not in Hell.. . she’s dead. We get one life so why not spend it being good to each other? Sigh… I can’t with this stuff, man.
Selwyn2502
Wow! What a truly sad story. Her Christian parents are to blame. Then to completely ignore her daughter’s identity, what a load of croc.
polarisfashion
This is happening far too many times and it makes me feel so angry every time I read one of these tragic stories.
gauty
I was going to share her hypocritical facebook message with her daughter’s suicide note attached so people would know what a fraud she is, but when I went back to her profile a second time it had been completely closed off. I think she’s already feeling the backlash. I hope she doesn’t get away with it. There should be a law that denying your child’s requests for gender reassignment is endangerment, then at least this monster could be held responsible and put to trial.
tdx3fan
@Xzamilio: I bet when someone gets shot you blame the gun. Religion is a tool. It can be used for better and it can be used for worse, but at the end of the day it is simply a tool. It is a tool that is used to bring groups of people together to make them easier to manage… true, but it is still simply a tool.
The parents are quite easily the ones to blame here not religion. They had choices to make and they made them… horrible, horrible decisions. They should receive jail time for child neglect, but unfortunately that will not happen.
Stache99
I guess the campaign “it gets better” didn’t reach her.
M K
What a waste of what I’m sure would be a sensitive and caring person.
The parents need to be charged with aggravated murder.
I was so saddened to see that even in the mothers final note about her child she couldn’t even acknowledge the identified gender of the child that just took their life for that very reason.
So sad and avoidable.
NiceNCool1
To Carla Wood Alcorn, a big Fuck You from me too, you lying sack of shit.
Xzamilio
@tdx3fan: Religion is what drives some people to use guns in the first place. People taking their warped worldviews based on nothing but primitive writings and hurting their real daughter with absolute nonsense. Her parents are disgusting bigots who used their faith to condemn their child to a real hell on earth. Whether good or bad, it is useless and no benefit of religion is solely because of religion and/or couldn’t be achieved through secular and practical means. The parents AND religion are to blame… enough of handling you coddled people and your fairy tales. Real people are being hurt because of this stuff.
Ratronaut
Heartbreaking and infuriating. The Facebook page of the “mother” (using that word to refer to this woman made me almost throw up) is still active and accepting messages (for now).
vonric
I only wish she had held on for two more years….. And I mourn for the loss of that stalwart spirit from this earth.
vonric
@vonric: just limited my first response to the young woman….. the mother can rot in hell
Aromaeus
The “It Gets Better” project is a load of bull. We’re supposed to tell these kids and teenagers that EVENTUALLY things get better but in the mean time they have to endure all the crap they’re currently going through. The average life expectancy of a trans woman is something like age 30. You try telling a trans teen that and then hope that they believe it really gets better.
aliengod
Obviously this poor kid had deeper mental issues then we know about. It’s not fair to lash out at his mother or blame her in some way. I imagine that had she known how he was feeling, she’d have gotten him the help he needed. What a shame to lose a life at such a young age. My heart goes out to his family.
nandaric
@Xzamilio: Stop blaming Christianity for all the problems of the GLBT community. Religion isn’t the problem, people are. People are responsible for their actions regardless of their beliefs. Blame the people who decide to use religion as a weapon.
nandaric
@Aromaeus: At minimum the It Gets Better project shows there is hope for a better future which can and in fact has saved lives. Or do you really think feeding into the hopelessness of a suicidal teenager is the best way to prevent suicide?
PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID
Some gay idiot has put the family’s personal details online, which is just fucking stupid — I mean, yeah, fuck those parents, but those kids will be suffering enough already; and counterproductive — watch the religious Right spin this 180’ as poor besieged good christian martyrs receiving death threats.
nandaric
@aliengod: Are you joking? Even in death the parents are still denying who their child was and the circumstances of her death. It is disgusting and absolutely shameful. This child’s parents are directly responsible for this no ifs ands or buts about it.
markhfreeman
It is understandable that people raised in fundamentalist “Christian” families would be angry at these parents.
But maybe they will find some real sympathy for these people, who at some point will have to face huge sadness for what they have done. They will suffer with this for the rest of their lives, as we saw during the height of the AIDS epidemic, when parents had to face the truth of their children’s lives only at the end. We saw then that some will change, and even become advocates for LGB and T children, to stop other parents from making the same horrible mistakes. In the spirit of the streetwise Jewish carpenter’s son, I wish the best for these parents.
RevJames
@aliengod: HIS mother…HE was feeling…HIM the help…HIS family?? You disrespectful POS.
NiceNCool1
@nandaric: With Leviticus saying what it does the Bible, which is the source of knowledge for Christianity, was already a weapon used against us LONG before anyone alive today decided they were going to take it seriously. People’s actions are informed by their beliefs. Let’s not pretend that religion doesn’t play its part in this because it clearly does.
LuckyboyLA
@aliengod oh, she got her child the help SHE thought the kid needed all right. Good Christian therapists telling him he was a SINNER!
“This Kid” didn’t have deeper mental issues until hei parents threw him into a pit of isolation. That’s what we do with the most heinous prisoners. Isolate them 24/7. Drives humans crazy. A teen mind can’t cope. Only thing you got correct is what a waste to lose another young life. But even that is couched in your misguided ideas. As for @ markhfreeman, I prefer to let people like that Mother find solace from their other two-faced “Christ-titans. Not the kind I’m familiar with. The ones who don’t pic and choose who is worth a particular
2000 yr old persons ideas on acceptance and inclusion.
barkomatic
Sad, if she had just held on until she could get out of that house then she would have realized that a happy fulfilled life was still quite possible. Even if she had run away to a youth oriented LGBTQI charity it would have been better than committing suicide.
Xzamilio
@nandaric: And religion is their justification. Keep pretending it’s “just people”… because last I checked, all I hear from anti-gay people is “God” this “God” that…Believe it or not I can walk and chew gum at the same time. Religion and STUPID people!!! STUPID sometimes well meaning people who think a book of Jewish campfire stories holds the key to all morality and how to bring up children. STUPID people who stop looking for answers because they think everything they need exists in their closed minded ideology. STUPID people who ignored their daughter’s suffering and threw a bible at her instead of understanding what she needed… and STUPID people like you who continue to coddle this dangerous nonsense.
You ever notice how good religious people tend to be those who think beyond their religion and can adapt modern day thinking? I’ll be the negative person here… enough is enough with this mess. Religion has outlived its usefulness and is now just a hindrance.
Xzamilio
@NiceNCool1: Thank you!!!
LuckyboyLA
@NiceNcool1 Leviticus is the third book of the Bible. Christianity, duh, is based on the teachings of a real person, Jesus Christ. Not a group of elders trying to keep tribesmen in line millennia before. Christian Faith practiced as intended follows the New Testament Gospels written by the followers of Jesus . It’s only nut job “Christians” who overreach back into the Bible to cherry pick and reinterpret
what they dig up there to oppress the ‘Others’ in society. Even multi-deity Eastern religions welcome the three Western monotheistic
To worship “God” or oneness with them. Oh yeah, pretty sure those a lot of those cultures don’t have a prob with “Lady-Men” either. Think Thailand for a start.
Arconcyyon
Passs my way is the ! Because is the girls is kids top the best very beautiflyyy is top passive on my good please and etern is peace and peace ! Espiritul is femi girls .
Xzamilio
@LuckyboyLA: Go figure… cherry picking on both sides and No True Scotsman-ing it all over the place. Who is a “Christian”? Put every Christian in the world in one spot and ask them which Christians are the true Christians, and there would be NO REAL CHRISTIANS
Daniel-Reader
Jesus Christ is a literary character, not a real person. To prove it: what is Jesus Christ’s actual name? “Jesus” is Greek so it can’t be “Jesus”, and “Christ” isn’t a last name. He is a character pieced together from other legends of the era – just as the story of Noah and the Flood was stolen from the earlier Babylonian tales of Gilgamesh. Christian holidays rip off pagan holidays. None of it is original. It is all stolen and pieced together. The character of Jesus defeating death is a retelling of Hercules 12 labors and the life, death, and resurrection of the egyptian savior deity Osiris from a 1000 years earlier. It is staggering how people don’t bother learning history. It is even more tragic that people persecute others using these pieced together myths, or that any human has ever died from these works of fiction.
Ratronaut
Apparently, this was the mother’s initial reaction to the negative attention on Sunday:
https://twitter.com/milknmuffins/status/550107192263602177/photo/1
nsv
My deepest condolences to Leelah’s loved ones. The human race is poorer today, again.
Stache99
@Ratronaut: As predicted. Anyone that has any doubts on who’s responsible for the teens death look no further.
Jessica_Wednesday
Sending love from my heart to Leelah and all who loved her. God’s mistake was placing a beautiful young person with the wrong parents.
Hermes
@Aromaeus: False – I personally know people it has helped, and even saved the lives of — the fact that something – anything – doesn’t always work does not mean it never works or is worthless. Lashing out accmoplishes nothing. It is the same thing the parents did.
Hermes
Hermes
@LuckyboyLA: Unlikely. It is possible that there was a historic figure who was a rabbi or a revolutionary leader whose life was turned into “the Christ” but if so, if the former then he was married – Jewish law demands that of rabbis and if the latter then he was truly a failure as a militant because we know a LOT about Judah the Hammer from Roman records, and nothing about him — he might have been a man of peace who was neither a rabbi or a revolutionary and was simply starting a new religion, possibly out of one of the less popular branches of Judaism. In that case he may be more like what is reflected in the Bible because he wouldn’t care what the law said – and it would infuriate the Jewish priesthood of the time. It is also possible ( I think probable, but it drives people insane ) given things both in the gospels and in some of the non-canonical books (particularly the secret gospel of Mark) that he was homosexual and John the Beloved was in fact Beloved. In any event, the teachings we read are good things – peace, love, lack of judgement — the reality is that his followers today rarely follow what he said, and things like this happen as a result.
Hermes
Hermes
@PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID: With all due respect – I very much doubt that you fully understand the religious Right – I do – I was ordained in it many years ago — and actually served a church briefly during the period of time that the Pentecostals were purging their moderates and liberals but before I got purged. They would spin ANYTHING. It is their nature. They truly believe, those that are left (the SB alone has shrunk to less than half its active membership before the “control the government for the church” nonsense started, the AoG has not grown since the same time, other groups are struggling)that its all demons, possession and darkness. Ignoring that will not make it go away, nor will it make it better – I do not think anyone is attacking the kids, she didn’t – I do think that the mother – well – read her comments – she hates – that’s all fundamentalism is good for – any fundamentalism, no matter the core faith.
Hermes
tk92
I empathize with her and find the whole situation really unfortunate, but I find it very disturbing when people put others in danger when committing suicide. Jumping into oncoming traffic endangers a lot of people. She had the right to kill herself, but not harm others.
Dgrin
I know she was in a lot of turmoil but somehow i can’t get past the fact that the truck driver will now have to live with the fact he took away a young person’s life, I would have been beyond devastated if i were the driver..
Harley
@tdx3fan: a “tool” designed to do nothing but murder people. Unlike a wrench.
NiceNCool1
@LuckyboyLA: Are you suggesting that Christianity and the New Testament are not in any way connected by the same deity that supposedly inspired the Torah? The point is that it is THERE. We KNOW how a huge chunk of Christians interpret their Bible against us and that isn’t for nothing. It’s because IT’S IN THERE. Middle Eastern religions are the bane of humanity.
NiceNCool1
@Xzamilio: No, Thank YOU.
NiceNCool1
@Daniel-Reader: And the Jews never even thought about some “coming messiah” until they were exposed to Zoroastrianism during the Babylonian exile because the Zoroastrians had that idea first! Again, just stolen ideas.
Tookietookie123
@tdx3fan: While religion isn’t the number one problem that’s plaguing our community, you can’t deny that it hasnt harmed our community. Even though it’s warped by people as a weapon, it’s still being used to harm us, especially in third world countries where religion is at its most extreme. People can go to Africa and preach about how God wants all gay people dead and they’ll rally behind it for no less reason that God wanted it that way.
Chris
How tragic! I hope that the people who understood and truly loved this young trans person (not an image of who she was “supposed” to be) will have good memories of her to see them through. I also hope that the truck driver who hit Leelah gets through the trauma this must have caused him.
If memory serves, the “It gets better” campaign started because gay men tend to commit suicide at greater rates than their hetero peers. It is not a panacea and many people need a whole lot more than video assurances that their lives will get better. In Leelah’s case, it seemed that no adult was there to provide that additional help.
For 2015, I resolve that, if I encounter someone who needs support beyond my limited ability to be a “caring” adult, I will put that person in touch with appropriate social service agencies and/or legitimate psychological service providers.
orcanyc
My heart goes out to this child and Yes, her parents should be charged for their evil behaivor.
stadacona
I have never read such a self-pitying and narcissistic suicide note… it’s all ME ME ME. I’ll save sympathy for suicide victims that don’t wreck the lives of innocent bystanders – the truck driver is the true victim.
gauty
@stadacona: You’re right, it would probably hurt a lot less people if a selfless and demure person like yourself offed themselves. Maybe that’s what you should do instead of poisoning this comment section with your troll-like ignorance 🙂
polarisfashion
I saw this story posted on Yahoo and I can’t believe all of the ignorant comments from people that don’t have a clue what it means to be transgender. This young woman was not understood by her parents and now she is tragically dead. I wish we could end LGBTQ suicides, they happen far too often.
Xzamilio
@orcanyc: But they won’t be… because they can hide behind that good old Christianity. Hell, faith healing is steal legal in America, so think about that. Parents can withhold medicine from their children if it is against their religious beliefs. But these idiots are saying religion isn’t dangerous.
Mr-DJ
Can’t even imagine how the parents (mother) could make their final statement such an insult, added to the injury they had already inflicted. Just MORE Self-Righteous insult to Christianity itself.
I hope people understand that these White-Wingers and Teabillies have created their own new religion to mimic Christianity, (so we have to spell it Krischun or something similar) – where they have created a new god in THIER OWN image. Even the new Pope understands the difference.
This kids parents and their new religion killed him. The parents of many Gay children are guilty of Mental Child Abuse and should be properly dealt with. Leelah’s parents should be charged at the least for not providing proper support for their child. In fact what they did was tantamount to neglect and torture.
And to the commentor named “Stadacona” – Thanks for being the poster child for the White-wing Teabillies. You fit their sad, pathetic, desperate image to a “T”. You people just keep revealing what you are like every time you open your mouths. That’s why there seems to be so many more of you now. You’ve started your kind of ‘coming out’ and finding each other. So with strength in numbers you don’t care that you just lay your uncaring idiocy right out there for God and everyone to see. !!
aliengod
@orcanyc: With what exactly would you suggest the parents be charged? I’m not sure what people think they did wrong. They sent him to counseling because of his mental issues. I doubt they had any idea he intended to commit suicide or he would have been placed in the hospital on a psychiatric hold. There was something seriously wrong in his psyche that caused him to do what he did. Even the manner in which he did it shows his deranged mental state. How do you possibly blame the parents for this?
NiceNCool1
aliengod, Did you even read the note? I mean really read it? And please, stop calling her a “him” and “he”. It’s very disrespectful and like a blatant slap in both her face and ours. I’m thinking you’re not really on the same page as most of us. Are you even LGBT? Cause there’s no way her parents are not culpable to a large extent, and that’s pretty obvious just by the letter.
jayj150
Religion and the trans cult killed this young gay man. Society forced him to choose between being despised for being a gay man who was into stereotypically feminine things, or ” transitioning” so she could become a ” normal straight woman”.
Right before his death, he at least came to realize the truth: there’s no such a thing as changing one’s sex, we are what we are. He was finally aware of the fact that he would never be a woman, that no amount of hormones, implants and surgery would change who he was, that no straight man would ever love him, and that no sane person would ever consider him a real woman. Sadly, if this realization had taken place along with self-acceptance, this story might have had a happy ending, but his internalized homophobia and self-hatred was so big, that the idea of living his life as a gay man was unbearable. Religion and the trans cult, the world’s two most rabidly homophobic movements, made him believe that all that could possibly be in store for him in life as a gay man was misery.
He made this realization extremely clear:
“I’m never going to transition successfully, even when I move out. I’m never going to be happy with the way I look or sound. I’m never going to have enough friends to satisfy me. I’m never going to have enough love to satisfy me. I’m never going to find a man who loves me. I’m never going to be happy. Either I live the rest of my life as a lonely man who wishes he were a woman or I live my life as a lonelier woman who hates herself.”
It’s OK to be gay kids, you don’t need to change a damn thing about yourselves: no hormones, doctors, surgery or sillicone required, only acceptance. Don’t let anyone tell you you have ‘gender issues’ only because your interests don’t match an absurd macho stereotype, you are every bit as much of a man as any other.
markhfreeman
@jayj150:
Hello Jayj150,
As a gay man, I have thought at times, like you, that if those calling themselves trans could just not accept their gayness. I was working at an HIV clinic during the early ’90s with an activist mentality, and feeling very much that Silence=Death and Ignorance=Fear. We noticed that among the many people that came to us from the central city, transsexuals (as they were then called) almost never came in. Their experience with medical situations had been so negative, and they felt that gay men did not accept them. So we started a special evening clinic called Transgender Tuesdays.
And they arrived– 600 in the first five years. As a Nurse Practitioner, I had the opportunity to hear their stories and learn to care for them. That changed my opinion, and I believe if you had the chance to talk to a number of trans folks, your opinion would also evolve.
I learned that, unlike most gay kids whose identity crisis hit at or a bit before puberty, their began as far back as they could remember– two or three, or age five at the latest. Many tried being gay (as many gay people try being straight), but still felt “wrong”. This, in the cases of all of my patients (who grew up from the ’50s through the ’80s) was before any transgender movement– or trans cult, as you call it– existed. And their issues were different from any gay people I knew– except for some “sissy” boys and “stone butch” girls, who generally came to identify as trans in years that followed.
I don’t know what unhappy experiences you may have had with people who identify as transgender. Perhaps a personal one, or it could certainly be a political one, as many activists go overboard for a while, much like I recall certain feminists did in the early ’70s (“Abort boy babies!”), and as some gay activists, myself definitely included, also did (“Fuck the Church, Fuck the State!). This pendulum swing is maybe necessary for some, but unfortunate in terms of communication.
But I bet if you opened your ears and heart to the true stories of trans people, your mind would change.
We made a film, Transgender Tuesdays, that is available on Fandor and Indieflix if you get those services. If not, I will be glad to send you a link to a copy. It is made up of 12 different peoples’ stories of their authentic lives. Let me know if you are interested,
Mark Freeman FNP, Dir. of TT the Movie
NiceNCool1
Jay150,
You write, “Right before his death, he at least came to realize the truth: there’s no such a thing as changing one’s sex, we are what we are.”
NO NO NO. That is not what happened. She finally realized that after having waited so long to start the changes, because her parents were ass-hats, that it just wasn’t going to happen. One must start the transition as early as possible, and it would have been possible for her with her parent’s permission. Without it she felt she would be too far masculinized by the androgen hormones, and I quote from the letter,
“When I was 16 I realized that my parents would never come around, and that I would have to wait until I was 18 to start any sort of transitioning treatment, which absolutely broke my heart. The longer you wait, the harder it is to transition. I felt hopeless, that I was just going to look like a man in drag for the rest of my life.”
These are not the words of someone who believed that one could not change one’s sex. These are the words of lament at being made to wait far longer than what was best for her by her selfish and ignorant parents.
DarkZephyr
@aliengod: you continue to be a heinous POS.
NiceNCool1
@jayj150: Yes, it’s alright to be gay, but it’s also alright to be transsexual if that’s what you are. We should define ourselves and not let even the likes of someone as yourself, to decide who we are, what we feel, and how we should live. That’s what freedom is about. You want freedom? Then you have to give it to others to decide for themselves also.
DarkZephyr
@NiceNCool1: *Thunderous Applause*
aliengod
@jayj150: I absolutely agree with you. I thought the same things when reading his letter.
Putting on a dress and deciding to use a girls name doesn’t change ones gender. We’ve got to stop confusing these impressionable kids by making them think such nonsense is legitimate. It’s okay to be gay and have feminine tendencies. I also agree that religion played a role in his demise. But to completely blame the parents and say they should be prosecuted is ludicrous. If anyone should be prosecuted it’s the trans nut jobs that shove this homophobic crap down kids throats. I could say that from the time I was born I felt like Ryan Gosling but no matter how many surgeries I have to look like him, I’ll still be me. It’s time the LGB community rethink our associations.
@DarkZephyr A heinous POS? Really? Grow up!
BigWoody
I call the area of southwest Ohio where Leela took her life (and I live) “republican hell”. The city where she lived, Kings Mills, is in the congressional district right next to House speaker John Boehner’s district.
NASBermuda
Her parents need to see “Prayers for Bobby”. Every self righteous bible thumper should have to watch it.
Susan Dunn
OPEN LETTER –
To the Parents of Leelah Alcorn–
Read your daughter’s words. Read them again, and again, and again until you finally get it. Then go out in the world and make sure that no other parent ever does to their child what you did to yours. If you do that, then it might finally be something Leelah could be proud of in her parents.
gauty
@aliengod: But you are a heinous piece of shit! 😀 (I mean, or a troll lol.)
vincentprice
@allengod the frick? Transgender happens in the womb. Babies should get one hormone to change to proper gender, or they get one they are not suppose . This is from research from straight untrans people. They literally are a girl in a male body, or male in female. Their brain literally is the exact Development of their proper gender , the one they feel. This isn’t about gay bs. Most trans like the opposite sex. Example a boy who feels the need to be a girl , because she is one. But is attracted to females. Is she gay? Yes as she becomes fully female. (Sorry having a hard time wording over here)
RevJ
@Xzamilio:
I have to disagree with you. Religion isn’t the problem,
It’s the sad fact that there are more assholes calling themselves
Preachers and more doe eyed lambs willing to be lead into believing anything
Their told. As an ordained minister myself I attempt to bring the lord to all.
We are all born the way we are supposed to be, no God doesn’t make
Mistakes. However, that does not mean a chromosome didn’t misfire somewhere
Along the way during this child’s development within her mothers womb.
I ask only one thing of you, from a complete stranger. As humans we are
Fallible, never put your full faith in another human. God….our Creator….or by
Whatever name you wish to call him, her or it…. Is perfect and has a place
For each of us. Be blessed.
RevJ
@Harley:
Sorry luckboy, Leviticus is the 3rd book of the OLD testament. Which means
It has absolutely jack to do with Jesus. In fact, once Jesus came around he overthrew
Most of the rules of Leviticus. That’s one of the Main reasons the rabbis wanted
him gone so badly. If your going to use the bible…..use it right.
RevJ
@Daniel-Reader@Daniel-Reader:
I’ll start with what I agree with you on.
You’re right Jesus is a Greek name.
You’re right that about 98% of the Christian bible is rehashed
Legions of older religions.
You’re right that Christ isn’t a last name as well.
However, the name Jesus is a translation of a translation of a translation.
From Aramaic to Hebrew to Greek to Roman then to English.
The WORD Jesus means Messiah or savor (I think I spelled that right)
Anyway, it’s believed that his real name was Joshua or perhaps Emmanuel
And the name Christ is believed to have really been Christou or something
Like that. As far as being a real person, there has been at least four non-christian
Historic references to his existence so he was a real person. As for the son of God
that part we simply have to take on faith.
Hercules can be historical traced also.
As for your reference to Gilgamesh…….you ROCK!
bbookluver16
As a person who is completely accepting of all LGBTs and anyone else in the world, I would really like to hear Leelah’s mother’s side of the story–not to judge, but understand what her reasoning was. In Chriatianity, God loves ALL of His children, even the ones who murder, lie, steal, and cheat. It would be nice to hear how Leelah’s family feels now.
As for the suicide note, we all know it was posted later in the day. While the mother may have still not been respecting Leelah’s wishes concerning names, I wonder if she did not know yet if it was a suicide? Just something to think about.
RevJ
@stadacona:
Have you ever heard of a happy @NiceNCool1:
He’s not suggesting anything. The Koran is the old testiment. It’s just worded differently
.
Erica
Lead here by George Takei’s post on FB. Compelled to comment by not only this tragedy, but by the comments. To those who don’t really get the differences between gender and sexual preference, please study up. If a child or family member comes to you and says I am transgender… don’t burden him or her with questions… seek out a support group where you can ask your questions to either a family member who experienced a loved one being trans, or to a trans person themselves who is further along in the process.
My heart hurts for Leelah – I suspect that the depth of her depression went beyond being transgender. My heart hurts for her friends. I do not blame them… she said that they were ok and supportive when she came out as a “gay young man” – but at their age, dealing with someone whose parents actually took the drastic step of isolating her for months, and had such a profound level of depression… the natural thing for them to do was back off. Grown adults would struggle with knowing what to do… how can we expect young people know know as well when they are at the very least dealing with stereotypical adolescent angst?
I also ask… for those of you who say that you live in the area of Leelah’s family… do not be so harsh on the parents. Do I have the impulse to beat the crap out of them? Yes. But I am thinking of Leelah’s siblings, who she clearly loved. Think of their upbringing.
They now know that clearly their parents’ love is NOT unconditional, and if something were to happen to them – the very core of who they are could be swept under the proverbial rug. Some may become haters like their parents – it is how it is passed down – and I can understand the initial impulse among the young… parents are supposed to represent love and security, and for some people you will do anything for that, even start to believe their poisonous thoughts yourself. But at least one of Leelah’s siblings will carry her torch… and for him or her life will be difficult. He or she is there as the parents come up with their excuses, live their lies, justify their actions – all the while knowing that when and if they break free from that mindset, posthumously support their sister – Mom and Dad and some of the siblings will have problems with them.
Show the entire family what REAL love – Christian or otherwise – is.(Although… if I were to meet her parents… I would express my condolences on the loss of their DAUGHTER. In a genteel manner of course.
They will someday learn – even if it is the day that they meet their creator… who undoubtedly will say “You are right… I don’t make mistakes. I created your DAUGHTER as she was meant to be – a lesson in love!”
MsMaryMack
This is a tragedy, plain and simple. I don’t care what you believe in but , speaking as a parent – your most important job is to love, respect and support your child. Part of doing that is to trust them to make the right choices for THEM not YOU! My god, gender and sexuality aren’t even a choice!
As the mother of a Trans son, I’m still coming to terms with the fact that my little girl is in fact my little boy but I do not give one shit about narrow minded assholes and will do everything in my power to support my child. I don’t care if people react badly to me as a result – who needs that negativity in their lives? Fuck em!
My heart goes out to this poor kid who felt so alone and I’m sad that her family couldn’t support her and that they will have may years of suffering and regret.
gandalf74
@aliengod: I can have a horn attached to the middle of my forehead, it does not make me a unicorn.
gandalf74
http://masteramazon.blogspot.com/2010/02/trans-movement-is-cult.html
gandalf74
@jayj150: I totally agree with you, I have seen activists tell women, that Men can get pregnant, and that they have more understanding than a normal woman could ever know. Last time I checked , Men cant get pregnant, I dont care what you say, I am gay, but, if your wearing a dress and still sporting a dick, your not a woman. This is a tragedy, but Im done with the issue anymore. Some of the most homophobic statements Ive have seen and had thrown at me, come from activists..so Im done Ill stick to the LandGandB..
Harley
@RevJ: My post on THIS article had nothing to do with religion, unless you believe Jebesus will be riding in on his white horse carrying a brand new AK-47. On another note, the national news networks picked up this story and NBC correctly used the pronoun “she” throughout the story while CNN constantly refers to “he” in their story. I used to be a fan of CNN but now I will be sticking with NBC and Bryan Williams.
Harley
I should probably add “unless you believe WHITE Jebesus will be riding in on his white horse carrying a brand new AK-47”. That would be more in line with Americas brand of christianists.
tgfmt
I’m a straight heterosexual woman who clearly sees this hideous post from the mother as the final insult to her poor child’s existence in a world she helped make so ugly. SHAMEFUL.
dohertybryn7
Please help me raise money for top-surgery. I am an FTM Trans and am seeking all of the help I can get!
http://www.gofundme.com/jk31uo
Xzamilio
@RevJ: Yeah, just a bunch of sweet nothings from another Christian claiming that other Christians aren’t real Christians and that his imaginary friend is the real god. Dude, no thanks. I outgrew this superstitious nonsense years ago and feel free to disagree all you want… but at least use actual examples of how I’m wrong and not just offering yet another baseless interpretation of interpreted writings that are outdated and irrelevant in modern society. Besides, did Jesus not say on MULTIPLE occasions (the most notably in Matthew) that not a jot or a tittle of the law would change until Heaven and Earth had passed away? So which is it? Did he chuck out the Old Testament or do we keep it? Does the creation story no longer matter? Do the Ten Commandments no longer matter?
Miss my black ass with that crap!!!
o.codone
The vile hatred expressed here towards particularly the mother are absolutely frightening. How is this tolerated? These comments should be erased. The comments are actionable if anything happens to the mother, and not just against the individuals who made them, but also against Queerty for staging this hate fest. While it is well known that venom towards christians is an important part of the Queerty narrative, for your own good, protect yourself, do some editing on this one. Haters just keep on hating.
Shira_Z
Dear beautiful Leelah, (and to all transgender teens suffering out there)
I wish you could have held on just a little while longer. Out of the house, in a supportive environment… There are LGBT support groups out there for teens, I wish that you could have (and for any teens out there – find one and get support!) I wish that you had been able to find a supportive, nurturing environment to help you grow into a confident, secure young woman.
I was fortunate to have been born a straight female in a female body. Even so I do have some “masculine” traits that society just does not accept from a woman. I still remember all to well how depressing – debilitatingly so – body-hate can be. I have always been plump (ok now a bit more than plump) and this caused eating-disorder issues when I was in my teens. How much worse must it be to be trapped in a body of the wrong gender? At least my issue was socially acceptable.
So dearest Leelah, here is my promise to you: while I have always held mainly liberal views on social issues, I admit to having difficulty with transgender issues. It’s hard for me to wrap my head around – and using the right pronoun – He? she? he-she? – is challenging. In your memory, sweet Leelah, I will try harder. I will do my best to refer to a transgender woman whose body is still male in the feminine, and vice versa. I will only use the term he-she seriously and with respect, not as a joke. Lastly, I will make a donation to my local LGBT youth support group (I live in Jerusalem, Israel. Teens from secular families usually have good support but there are also a large number of fundamentally religious Jews who would regard their transgender children as an abomination).
To any transgender teens out there: find your local LGBT branch and get help. Most colleges will have something so even if you are still in high school, try your local college if there is nothing at your high school. Lastly, if your parents act like Leelah’s know that this may very well constitute child abuse under the laws of your state. There are lawyers out there who will help you for free, who can help you get into a better situation.
Clark35
I don’t care where anyone stands on this whole transgender issue (or whatever issue it is… like if the kid was gay, or just severely mentally ill) but I gotta say this: You gotta be one hell of a low life to send the family threats or publically insult them online at a time like this.
Bullying while accusing others of being the bullies has been a somewhat successful tactic of the lgbt/Trans subculture.
In fact there probably should be an investigation to determine whether Joshua discussed his plans with anyone who might have assisted in the wording of the post or suggested that if he was going to commit suicide anyway he should make it count. In other words to see if someone who could have alerted his parents chose to encourage him instead.
These trans people insulting his family, sending threats to them, or trolling online about them are not supporting Joshua they are exploiting his death pursuant to their own interests. Joshua is beyond support; beyond help; and these people have no right to interfere with his family.
Clark35
Worst media coverage of the year. The “I want my suicide to make a difference” bullshit is not something to reinforce to teenagers. It had to last until maybe June then it would be over. Instead some poor trucker got to kill a kid near Kings Island and live with that forever.
Taken from Josh/Leelah’s blog:
Then what? I’m going to turn 18 and have to pay a shit ton of money for an apartment, a car, health care, insurance, food and save up for college. I’ll have to pay a shit ton of money to buy the things that will make me want to continue living (wigs, women’s clothes, makeup) and I’ll have to save up tons of money over the next year. Then I’ll end up having to work multiple jobs (probably) to keep up with everything I need to buy. Plus I’m really fucking ugly and I’ll never get a boyfriend and I’ll just end up lonely for the rest of my life.
Why did Josh/Leelah not want to accept reality, that if you want to pay for things like housing, health care, food, clothing/makeup/wigs, etc. that you have to work, and save up money?
This young boy/girl had major problems and people are going to blame the parents and their religion; but Josh/Leelah had attempted suicide multiple times and sadly thought that suicide was the only way out of those issues and problems, and did not listen to people who said how there are other options besides suicide. Happiness comes from within, not from hormones, a sex change operation, wigs/clothing/makeup, a car, etc.
This kid was getting counseling, and on medications. She or he had attempted suicide multiple times before, and was told frequently by “friends” that she or he should just hang on for 6 months to a year and then go to college; but this gender confused girl/boy thought that superficial things like hormones, wigs/makeup, clothing, and a sex change bring happiness when happiness comes from within. Unfortunately he/she did not take anyone’s advice and picked the selfish way out and decided to kill himself or herself. May he/she rest in peace.
The only person responsible for Leelah’s death is Leelah herself.
She was angry and wanted to get back at her parents. Like shouting “I hate you!”, storming off and slamming the door. Hence the martyr-like suicide note, aimed solely at making the world hate her parents.
The rest of us don’t kill ourselves and eventually grow up.
Clark35
It’s nobody’s business what gets put on this young kid’s tombstone/grave anymore than it’s anyone else’s business what gets put onto yours.
Josh/Leelah thought that by writing a “will” in his suicide note that it would count; but in the state of Ohio this does not work since he was a juvenile under the age of 18.
Have trans activists actually read this kid’s website and blog postings? He was not banned from the internet, cellphone, or going out like trans people are now claiming. He was extremely suicidal, had tried to kill himself multiple times, thought that if he couldn’t have a sex change or take hormones or have everything in life handed to him life wasn’t worth living, and he made the selfish and cowardly decision to kill himself. No amount of medication, therapy, or even hormones or sex change would have stopped him from making the decision to kill himself. This is a teen suicide and the media does not need to be promoting the suicide of a teen that was angry at his parents, and who thought he was a “martyr” or that his suicide would actually change things when it was extremely pointless, and selfish. His parents just lost their kid have some compassion for them.
It’s sad that anyone would kill themselves, let alone kill themselves for the LGBT/Trans movement.
Clark35
It’s true that: xx=female, xy=male. Nothing you cut or tuck, or all the hormones you take can change that.
No medical procedure can change your chromosomes from male to female or vice versa.
I don’t think that suicide is the answer if someone’s trans.
But it’s not good for kids or teenagers to take hormones or think that they absolutely need a sex change operation.
Some trans people do think that once they transition fully or however much they want to-if at all-that life will be perfect but it’s not like that.
There are many people who have transitioned fully MTF they got the full sex change, and later regretted it.
This girl/boy had loads of problems beyond her gender issues. She/he would have failed the psychological evaluation given to people before they get surgery. She/he wouldn’t have been any happier had she in fact transitioned, and she/he would have eventually killed herself/herself since she/he did attempt it multiple times before and foolishly thought that by killing herself/himself, that she/he would become a martyr to the Trans movement.
nickvanallen
“My sweet 16 year old son, Joshua Ryan Alcorn went home to heaven this morning. He was out for an early morning walk and was hit by a truck.” REALLY? REALLY? EVEN IN DEATH YOU CAN’T ACKNOWLEDGE HER AS A HER! PETTY AS THEE FUCK! I CAN’T STAND PARENTS LIKE HER. HER NOTE MADE ME WANNA CRY. #RIP GIRL W I LOVE YOU
nickvanallen
“My sweet 16 year old son, Joshua Ryan Alcorn went home to heaven this morning. He was out for an early morning walk and was hit by a truck.” REALLY? REALLY? EVEN IN DEATH YOU CAN’T ACKNOWLEDGE HER AS A HER! PETTY AS THEE FUCK! I CAN’T STAND PARENTS LIKE HER. HER NOTE MADE ME WANNA CRY. #RIP GIRL WE I LOVE YOU
Brian Crim
@Clark35: OMFG HER!!!! I MEAN DAMN WHY TF IS THAT SO HARD TO GET THRU PEOPLES FUCKING HEAD!!