After many, many weeks and even more whiny reader letters, we've decided to revive our short-lived Tuesday feature, Trolling Tuesday!

We're a little out of practice, so we're going to ease back into the game with this revolting-cum-hilarious sexvert. As a side note, we think/pray someone's playing pretend. Title: "Blow Me While I Eat Hamburger Helper and Call My Mother":

I am looking for someone to come over and suck me off while I am eating a bowl of Hamburger Helper (orignial [sic] recipe) and chatting on the phone with my mother. Funny Girl will be playing on DVD with the volume off. I plan to ejaculate at the same time I say, "Okay, mom, gotta go, bye."

I am 39, 4'10", 190 lbs., thinning black hair, gray eyes, bushy mustache, hairy back but smooth everywhere else, 5" cut cock – often told I look like a handsomer version of George Jetson's boss.

I can host tonight in my apartment on 39th and Bleecker. Please, no freaks, smokers or Muslims.

We'd say Michael Lucas posted this, but he lives in Chelsea. And he definitely doesn't look like George Jetson's boss. Whoever wrote this, they've got a sick, twisted imagination. And we love it!