Anyone can just spell out what happened on last night’s episode of True Blood. In fact, you can’t swing a dead shapeshifter without hitting someone’s recaps.
So every week this season, Queerty contributor Jason Sweeten is going to give us a different spin on the previous night’s episode: it might be a screenshot slideshow, a sock-puppet re-enactment, or even some Kabuki theater. (If we can just get the budget approved). He might not always succeed, but at least it won’t be boring.
This Week: Fashion Report!
The shoulder pads. The red leather/pleather/whatever. The fishnets! If Pam were to meet her true death, someone better hide every other iteration of this outfit. Because no one will ever wear it as fiercely.
Emma, I know that you’re only a child, but don’t bore me again. Sure, you look cute in fur, but you can’t keep wearing it over and over again and not expect me to call you out.
My graph from last week on this atrocity still stands. Nope. Horrible. Stop. Eyes. Burning.
For a man who looks like he walks through walls instead of around them, the pink duvet is an unexpected choice. But anytime Alcide covers his body, I feel a twinge of disappointment for the sexiness I’m missing.
The best thing about fairy outfits is that you can spot them with your eyes closed. However, golden-bird pins belong in the Hunger Games not True Blood. So unless you’re saving Peeta and his bread-baking beautifulness from peril, put that accessory back into the mystical charm box it came from.
Jason Sweeten is a contributing writer for Queerty. His expertise on clothes comes from having a season pass to Fashion Police. Photo credit: HBO