A guy on Reddit says he and his boyfriend have never had sex and maybe never will, but they’re still head over heels for one another.
“Alright,” the post begins, “so my boyfriend of 3+ months and I have not had sex. I’m 23, he’s 22. I’m his first, and I haven’t dated since high school and I barely consider that a relationship so I would say he’s my first too.”
Young love. Cute.
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“About a month into it he tried to initiate but I stopped him because I felt it was too soon,” the guy explains. “He told me that meant a lot to him because it showed that I truly love and care about him.”
Awwww.
“I’ve had my share of hooking up, so it’s not like I’m repulsed by [it] or not experienced,” he continues, “I think the difference between him, and the guys I’ve hooked up with, is that we actually share an emotional intimacy that extends beyond physicality.”
So what’s the problem? Well, the guys, says, “because I feel so close to him at that level, I feel like sex would or could possibly damage our relationship.”
Wait… What?
“I guess that may also be due to the fact that I’ve never experienced [it] as an act of love,” he adds, “and all it’s left me feeling is empty and used at times.”
He goes on to explain that they do kiss and cuddle and hold hands, but that’s it.
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“I see him as my best friend,” he writes, “and quite frankly I don’t want to ‘f*ck’ my best friend.”
About a month ago, he brought the issue up with his boyfriend. Specifically, he says he asked him: “Do you think it’s weird that as a gay couple we haven’t had sex, and are you okay with that?”
A “philosophical discussion” ensued, and ended with both guys agreeing that they did not want to have sex with one another, nor did they want to have sex with anyone else. In other words, they have agreed to a sexless and monogamous yet still very loving relationship.
“Maybe someday we will, maybe we won’t,” the guy continues. “But right now, what matters most to me is continuing to get to know him and build a solid foundation with him. He means so much to me, and I’ve never felt more loved and cared for.”
“To me,” he says, “being gay isn’t all about sex.”
He concludes: “I don’t know why I’m writing this, I guess I’m just venting because it hurts me like hell when I’m told I don’t love him or he doesn’t love me because we don’t f*ck.”
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Naturally, other Reddit users had lots to say about this.
“To be honest, it sounds like you have ‘ruined’ sex for yourself,” one person responds. “Many gays don’t even realize that having casual hookups will ruin what sex means for them. Give it time. Real, intimate sex is amazing.”
“For me sex is the least important in a relationship,” another person adds. “There are so much more important things.”
“I’m asexual so that’s exactly what I want,” a third person says, “a relationship with no sex. … You do you.”
“I’ve been with my guy for 2.5 years and we still haven’t had sex,” a fourth person confesses.
What do you think of this couple’s decision not to have sex with one another or anyone else? How would do you in that sort of situation? Share your thoughts in the comments section below…
Stache
Lots of relationships become mostly sexless down the road anyways.
I’ll bet they still J/O like crazy to porn though.
Dave Downunder
More reddit rubbish.
moonwalker_jd
That’s not a relationship, that’s called friendship.
ChuckF
I feel sorry for the guy. As a kid sex as an evil act was drilled into him so deeply that he connects sex with being bad and he doesn’t want to taint the one relationship that involves love. I hope with the help of friends or a therapist he will come to realize that sex is an expression of love not some evil deed done in the dark. When you stop and think about it sex is as much a part of being alive as breathing.
Paco
Emotional intimacy makes sex even better. If you treat sex simply as a biological function no different than taking a dump and nothing more, then I guess that could be an issue for some that have never viewed sex as something more than that. He needs to retrain his brain to stop separating love and sex.
Ari Gold
I was in this situation a few years ago. Literally everyone kept saying how it was crazy that my boyfriend and I weren’t fucking, and I kept saying that it wasn’t because relationships aren’t based on sex. Looking back, I see they were completely right! Deep down, I wasn’t sexy attracted to him. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out we later broke up.
Stache
@ChuckF: They’re still kids though. I’m sure if someone did a Reddit article of me at that age I’d be appalled at some of the juvenile things I said and thought.
Mykaels
You do you boo’s. If you are happy, ignore the haters. In the future, if you want to have sex with each other, cest la vie.
gayhope1990
The most important thing is they happy.Each couple do what they want to.
Kangol
Sad. They should try at least 1-2 forms of sex and then they’ll realize, sex is definitely worth experiencing and enjoying over and over and over and….
Larry
All of you that have a hard time with these 2 guy’s decision….guess what? I get to decide what you do with your sex life!
GayEGO
The only man I did not have sex with when we met is my lifetime partner of 54 years, married 12 years. Why? Because of the emotional love bond I felt. Of course we did start having sex after awhile. All of the other guys were just for sex, not love.
ted72
Fake story. I’m sick of it. If you want us to believe this rubbish, I have a bridge to sell you.
IF, and that’s a BIG IF, it’s a real story, they probably grew up in a religious community. god is as real as a leprechaun.
DDstar1me
I hate myself for clicking on this article.
robertrpm1
Ahhh the irony of young stupid, “I’d give my life for him love.” (but they’ve only dated a couple months) Listen, a sexless relationship is no relationship. Sounds like they’re together just for the title. With aging comes true wisdom about how life works. I give them 3 more months, 6 months total… TOPS. Pun perhaps, maybe, possibly, ambiguously intended.
Chris
Meh, I fought so that kids like them could do whatever they want. Each to their own.
charlie_jackpot
I bet at least one of them is fucking someone else within a month
nirofir
Fear is the base of it all – their fear of taking the risk of “no match” in sex!
ErikO
@Dave Downunder: Exactly, these stories are made up.
@charlie_jackpot: They’ve probably been cheating on each other all along as this is extremely common among gay men.
Nahald
The emotional connection is the most important, but not being able to show it a physical way will doom the relationship to “just friends” sooner rather than later.
Nahald
@ErikO: @ErikO: @ErikO: Cheating is MORE common among heterosexuals dude.
ErikO
@Nahald: LOL keep telling yourself that. I have yet to meet any gay man or couple where both men are gay where one or both people did not cheat on each other.
jasentylar
Asexual here also. Hard to find a mate tho.