When Dr. Paul Hard and his longtime partner David Fancher traveled to Massachusetts in May of 2011 to get married, they knew the union wouldn’t be recognized in their home state of Alabama. But tragedy struck three months later when Fancher was killed in a car accident, and Hard learned all too quickly what the state’s stance on same-sex marriages feels like in times of crisis and loss.
The first blow came at the hospital, when a frenzied Hard was essentially turned away by staff. A receptionist told him he “wasn’t family,” and he had to fight tooth and nail for over an hour to get information about his husband. An orderly finally told him Fancher had died, but it took a break of protocol for him to receive basic human kindness.
But that wasn’t the end of nightmare.
Next Hard heard from the funeral director, who informed him that David’s death certificate would have to say that he’d never been married, because according to Alabama law, he hadn’t.
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The administrator of David’s estate filed a wrongful death lawsuit, but because his death certificate states he’s never been married, the suit fails to mention Paul’s loss. David’s mother would collect any awards granted.
Rather than accept the repeated messages from the Alabama legal system that his marriage to Fancher was illegitimate, Paul decided to sue the state.
“If I can spare one other person that kind of indignity and hurt, I would do it. If I can let people know how this law unjustly and cruelly affects people, I will do it. And ultimately I hope that these laws are overturned so that it now longer can give folks permission to treat Americans as second-class citizens.”
The Southern Poverty Law Center decided to take Paul’s case, and if they’re successful, Paul will be able to amend David’s death certificate and share in the proceeds of the wrongful death suit.
And though Paul is taking on some powerful opponents, he’s finding that David’s 75-year-old mother (right) is the one fighting against him the most.
Upon hearing about the lawsuit, she issued this statement:
“I am a devout Christian and I am deeply disturbed that the death of my son David is being used by Dr. Paul Hard to advance the cause of same-sex marriage. I did not agree with all of the decisions that my son made, but I loved him very much and we always had a good relationship. It is wrong for David’s death to be used in this manner.”
And sadly she didn’t stop there. She contacted a right-wing legal organization called The Foundation For Moral Law (gag), who released a statement of their own:
“We here at the Foundation agree with Ms. Fancher. Ms. Fancher and the majority of Alabamians, believe marriage is an institution established by God for the governance of the most basic unit of society, the family, and this institution is intended to be between one man and one woman. The Foundation will protect not only Ms. Fancher’s beliefs and interests, but also the right of Alabama citizens to preserve the traditional definition of marriage.”
The day we can look back and say The Foundation For “Moral Law” and people like them were on the wrong side of history can’t come soon enough.
AtticusBennett
Lady, make no mistake – in your son’s final moments on earth, he was disappointed in you. you failed him as a mother. he knew damn well that you didn’t love him as much as you could have, and should have. he died being disappointed in you, and you are a failed excuse for a mother.
you may think you loved your son, but you don’t. and he knew it. you love your fellow church bigots and your beloved GOP more than you loved your son. and he knew it.
may your final moments on earth be filled with pain, and may you be totally alone during them.
Charlie in Charge
@AtticusBennett: Well said.
DonW
Heartbreaking story. But confusing — is the widower’s name Hard, or Haggard?
DonW
@AtticusBennett: Agree, except for your last line. How does wishing pain and a lonely death on anyone advance the cause of love and justice?
AtticusBennett
@DonW: let me amend – i hope she sees her many wrongs before she dies. and if she doesn’t, may her last moments find her utterly alone and in unspeakable pain. because only in that moment will she experience anything remotely close to the pain she has caused her son, and his husband. and when she feels that pain, she’ll realize her part in this culture of hate. maybe then, in her final seconds, she’ll properly ask for forgiveness and apologize.
Cam
She doesn’t care about religion or her son, just another opportunistic bigot wanting to get her hands on some $.
pressuredrop
Somehow, I don’t think declaring jihad on this lady is going to reverse 75 years of “good Christian values.”
I think the bigger issue is that the state of Alabama agrees with her.
asby
Do as my partner and I do ….We refuse to live in any state that doesn’t give us any rights…..I know its easier said than done for most….But those states do not deserve any of our money
Bauhaus
I hope @buffnightwing has read this and reevaluates his idea about only needing a loving bond in a relationship.
Had these men lived in a state with same-sex marriage, this would not have happened.
The despicable mother has financial gain, so she’s going to play the Bible card.
Hopefully, the spouse is the beneficiary of insurance policies, which can’t be legally disputed, neither can Social Security survival benefits, neither can pension survivor benefits. Any federal benefit he is eligible for, he will receive.
AtticusBennett, I agree that he knew she didn’t love her son. She loved her fellow bigots, church, dogma, and politicians, much more than her son. She was a complete and total failure as a loving mother.
Stache99
@Cam: “David’s mother would collect any awards granted.” Yup. Nothing more to this then that. What A POS she is.
“we always had a good relationship”.. Ah ha..
AtticusBennett
buffnightwing will never have a boyfriend, because he’s simply a lying anonymous cowardly internet troll that NOBODY loves, and nobody ever will. Duh.
lcandela123
She can pull that “devout Christian” baloney all she wants. Everyone knows she’s just a small-minded bigot who is trying to cash in.
KA-CHING!
Lvng1tor
Quite simply she is a poor excuse for what is trying to pass as human. If she “…loved him very much and we always had a good relationship.” her denial of his obvious wish to name and make formal his loving relationship through marriage is spitting on him. I agree with @AtticusBennett: In hoping (unless a change of heart on her part) a life that is filled with the same loneliness and loss of dignity she is inflicting.
Paul Nadolski
And yet there are those who wonder why same-sex marriage needs to be legalized and recognized in all 50 states…
yaletownman
This is why it is important that we support organizations like the Southern Poverty Law Center. These are the cases which are changing our world and we must support them because in doing so we are supporting ourselves.
jar
“Share in the proceeds of the lawful death suit”? Huh? I hope this is just the usual weakness of queerty’s reporting because if he amends the death certificate, no one else has standing to bring this law suit than his lawfully recognized spouse. Mom is out of luck. There are interesting procedural issues, particularly if the statute of limitations has run. Perhaps the compromise is for him to allow the suit to proceed (because his opportunity to bring suit has passed due to SofL) so long as he gets his elective share as spouse.
Scribe38
@Bauhaus: Amen on on the buffnightwing thing
jean
I hope there is a court order freezing the assets while this is being litigated, otherwise the bitch could spend it all first.
Mykaels
Too bad he had this bitch instead of a real mother
rickhfx
I feel so sorry for “that mother” she is clearly so brain washed and a such a bad mother. I hope she will wake up before it is too late and understand that the kind of savage bigotry she had for her son and his husband is not motherly love. She has no idea what love and respect is. How sad is that. Deepest sympathy to the husband left behind.
JDJase
I don’t really understand the title of this article. “Unlikely opponents”? How is this unlikely? It’s incredibly common. Wasn’t that one of our biggest reasons for demanding marriage equality before there was any? Because of bigot in-laws? Or have we forgotten all of that already
Dakotahgeo
@DonW: I know Dr. Paul Hard personally. He is the widower. I am thoroughly disgusted with his hypocritical bitch-in-law!
BadSeed
We should give up the idea that history has a right or wrong side. History is just the creation of whoever happens to be writing it that day.
ted72
Still governing their lives by an imaginary friend. Religion should be eliminated.
cvdixon29
I believe in God, but I am so tired of people pulling God and the bible into everything. God doesn’t care who you love, I honestly believe that! God has more things to worry about than who loves who. JMO
DarkZephyr
@ted72: They are still trying to govern OUR lives by their imaginary friend.
ppp111
@JDJase:
I agree. This isn’t the first time families have fought with their deceased children’s lovers and spouses. In all fairness though, even straight couples have families that bicker as well. I think in this case it’s because gay and lesbian marriages are still a new frontier and many in the older generation (the one touted as the Greatest Generation) are still uneasy about gay rights.
Dez
Apparently this bitch missed the memo that one of the seven deadly sins is Gluttony.
tricky ricky
it always comes down to stealing away the dead partners money from the survivor.