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  THE GAY PLANET

Uranus Took Two Hard Poundings, Got Screwed Sideways

Uranus’ name has always inspired grade-school jokes, but rarely have we seen one so scientific and educational in nature. And it’s proved to us that Uranus is indeed the gay planet.

You see, Uranus has an odd orientation—unlike the rest of the planets, which spin like tops with their poles straight up, Uranus’ poles are knocked to the sides, with its fabulous red ring running from top to bottom instead of from side to side.

DVICE.com explains that the planet was, like many gay men this past weekend, pounded not once but twice in order to achieve its strange tilt:

Uranus isn’t just gassy, it’s also tilted completely sideways, such that instead of rotating like a spinning top, it rolls around the plane of the solar system more like a giant ball. Now astronomers think they know how this happened, and it means that Uranus has been pounded really, really hard not once, but twice…

But with Uranus, one collision big enough to knock the entire planet sideways would also have screwed up Uranus’ system of moons, which isn’t the case.

Replacing that one big impact with two slightly smaller impacts, though, works out perfectly.

With that solved, the question becomes: What two tops penetrated Uranus?

By:           Evan Mulvihill
On:           Apr 22, 2012
Tagged: , , , , ,

  • 7 Comments
    • Joseph
      Joseph

      Obviously, Uranus is a bossy bottom.

      Apr 22, 2012 at 1:40 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • smith, j
      smith, j

      At this point I’d attempt a joke about precession, but for the life of me I can’t find a good innuendo to make of it.

      Apr 22, 2012 at 1:51 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Evan Mulvihill
      Evan Mulvihill

      @Joseph: Touche.

      Apr 22, 2012 at 2:55 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • DenverBarbie
      DenverBarbie

      Grade school jokes, indeed! I was sitting in an apartment with a group of grown adults last night, reading aloud our horoscopes from a Cosmopolitan. One of the signs made reference to “spontaneous uranus,” to which my friend quipped, “That sounds like Irritable Bowel Syndrome.”
      We laughed like lady-versions of “Bevis and Butthead” for a good ten minutes.

      Apr 22, 2012 at 3:31 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Marianne Seggerman
      Marianne Seggerman

      At the turn of the century Uranians was a term for gay men and women. Had to put that out there. Figures.

      Apr 22, 2012 at 7:57 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Kenster999
      Kenster999

      @smith, j: Hmm, you’re right. That’s a hard one to fit into Uranus…

      Apr 22, 2012 at 10:19 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • RedAssault
      RedAssault

      Uranus has rings around it.

      Apr 22, 2012 at 11:13 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·

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