SPLASHY

WATCH: Gay Porn Mermaid Statue is Today’s Most Important Fundraiser

We may not know much about art, but we know what we like: mermen.

Baltimore grad student Cameron Stalheim has cooked up one hell of an MFA thesis: he wants to make a thirty-foot-long sculpture of porn performer Colby Keller as a merman. Okay.

“Has sexuality become the basis of identity?” Stalheim writes. “Does shame and resentment associated with one’s youth create a fantasy of our expectations in connecting (and objectifying) with others and what role we play in those connections (or objectifications)? … What role has pornography and access to blunt-force sexual data played in the creation of our fantasy (or reality)?”

Apparently, the best way to answer these questions is with a giant plastic naked man-fish. Frankly, that’s our answer to most questions.

We’re not usually one for high-falutin’ artsy-craftsy talk, but we think we see where Stalheim’s going with this line of inquiry. Yes, gay men do tend to inhabit certain fantasies about what it means to be gay; from stereotypes like having an innate design sensibility, to impossible body-dysmorphic cravings. And there’s no blunter representation of our fantasies than porn, so Colby Keller’s a natural fit for the project.

The most important questions, however, remains unanswered: will the statue have a penis?

Either way, we look forward to the completion of the project, and suggest that Stalheim continue his investigation: Austin Wilde as a minotaur, Kris Evans as lycanthrope, Race Cooper as Easter bunny, Connor Kline as hippogriff, Slate Steele as tanuki, Connor Maguire as ent, Ty Roderick as satyr, Dustin Zito as blood elf, Brent Corrigan as pandaren. Now if you’ll excuse us, we now have the weirdest boner.

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