At an editorial meeting last year, as Queerty staffers discussed a piece we were working on about male prostitutes, the question arose: “Is Queerty going to pay for a reporter to spend the night with a hooker?” Budget concerns — and state law — answered that question in the negative. But this is a new era, where male hookers are now legal in Nevada, and the New York Post was willing to foot the bill for funny lady Mandy Stadtmiller (straight, though don’t hold it against her) to spend an evening with “Markus,” the most noteworthy new addition to the Shady Lady Ranch.
The 25-year-old ex-Marine (real name: Patrick) has a “no guys” policy, so to really understand what a few hundred bucks — 300 for an hour, to be precise — get you, one needs to send a chick. Which the Post did.
And what does one get from a former homeless dude and self-professed “surrogate lover” who compares his prostitution journey with the civil rights struggle of Rosa Parks, and who now pays the bills by pleasing women? Mandy tells us:
“First thing we do is visual inspection,” explains the dorky college dropout who later confesses I am only his second client, he has been with a total of six women in his life, and, to be perfectly honest, he lost his virginity at 23.
“So,” Markus says after leaning over and kissing my knee, “we’re going to get undressed and then take a shower. Then we can both inspect each other to make sure there are no discrepancies.”
Minutes later, as we’re standing naked in the shower, he’s examining me like a second-rate gynecologist and nodding.
“Yeah,” he murmurs, cooing that I’m “practically” an 8 or a 9. “Everything looks great down there.”
And so it continues. With Markus 5-foot-9 “very well-endowed” frame.”