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What is Michael Urie Saying In This Perfume Metaphor About Coming Out?

On Saturday night in New York City, GLAAD handed out trophies to famous persons making gay rights a personal cause célèbre (Cynthia Nixon, Joy Behar) and folks like Sigourney Weaver, because she was not nominated for her role in Avatar (oh, and because of her work in Prayers for Bobby, which is excellent). Queerty had Ben Harvey and Dave Rubin of Ben & Dave’s Six Pack hit the red carpet looking for inspiring tales (see: Weaver) and answers to pressing questions. They weren’t disappointed.

We’ll be bringing you more from the red carpet throughout the day, but up first is Ugly Betty‘s Michael Urie, currently starring in The Temperamentals, who continues refusing to acknowledge he’s a homosexual. Which is fine, because then we get cute soundbites like this one.

But it also means he’s subjecting us to this lengthy diatribe about, um, we’re not sure actually. Something about how celebs coming out is like a stench filling the room?

[stream provider=sound flv=x:/www.bendave.com/Interviews/michaeluriemono.mp3 img=x:/www.queerty.com/wp/docs/2010/03/jarretturie9230.jpg embed=true share=true width=650 height=340 dock=true controlbar=over skin=dangdang.swf bandwidth=med autostart=false /]

Oh, and here’s Scott Evans dishing on gay dodgeball, of which is he the star?

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By:           editor editor
On:           Mar 15, 2010
Tagged: , , , , ,
  • 44 Comments
    • Cam
      Cam

      Oh My God, that tortoured twisting, neutered pronous etc… just sounds exausting. Michael, labels only scare you if you let them.

      Mar 15, 2010 at 10:51 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • terrwill
      terrwill

      Michael: You and Johnny qWeir’s coy game of “am I or am I not” is getting really tired! I do not think Michael Urie has ever NOT played a Gay person in any role in his career. The first thing I remeber him in was “WTC View” where he played guess what?? A Gay. Ugly Betty: Gay, at least three different plays: All Gay! Don’t these chuckleheads realize that denying the very obvious does not “further their careers”?? It only makes them look pretty damm silly………….

      Mar 15, 2010 at 10:51 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Mr. Enemabag Jones
      Mr. Enemabag Jones

      It all comes down to shame. People like Urie, Sean hayes, etc. are too ashamed to admit in a public forum that they like sucking cock.

      Mar 15, 2010 at 11:03 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • David Ehrenstein
      David Ehrenstein

      He should put out his own perfume: URIE — “When you want the smell to evaporate as quickly as possible.”

      Mar 15, 2010 at 11:19 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • jb
      jb

      Ummm, I think he needs to take some GLAAD media training… That was embarrassing just to listen to. And whatever he’s paying his publicist is WAY too much…

      Mar 15, 2010 at 11:25 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Jaroslaw
      Jaroslaw

      A great deal of life reflects high school right? And the football players and jocks did NOT go out for the play or chorus. So….that would make at least half of Hollywood queer, wouldn’t it?

      Mar 15, 2010 at 11:28 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Cam
      Cam

      No. 6 · Jaroslaw said…
      A great deal of life reflects high school right? And the football players and jocks did NOT go out for the play or chorus. So….that would make at least half of Hollywood queer, wouldn’t it?
      ____________

      One of the great mysteries of our time…just what do all of the homosexual drama students eat or do that magically turns them straight when they move to Los Angeles.

      Joan Rivers made a great comment about Tom Ford at the oscars that reflected on this topic, (Tom had grown a short beard)..she basically said that he to the Oscars with a beard, but since he was out, he was the only one who wasn’t using it to hide anything.

      Mar 15, 2010 at 11:33 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • fredo777
      fredo777

      Seriously? I thought he had long since come out.

      At any rate, I’m growing weary of all the speculation on celebrities’ sexual orientation, talk of who’s closeted, + pressure for them to come out. Just as I came out in my own time, I’ll grant gay celebs that same freedom.

      Mar 15, 2010 at 11:51 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • David Ehrenstein
      David Ehrenstein

      And I won’t.

      Michael Urie is gay

      Anderson Cooper is gay.

      Dana Owens is gay.

      Jodie Foster is gay.

      Kevin Spacey is gay.

      CUT THE CRAP!!!!!!

      Mar 15, 2010 at 12:27 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • CONVERSATION CHAMBER
      CONVERSATION CHAMBER

      1) I’m not going to pretend to know him. Even if I suspect that he is gay, I don’t have any proof and won’t make any pronouncements about it.

      2) If he is gay, then like everyone else…when, if and how he comes out is HIS decision. Not anyone else’s. So long as I don’t hear him bashing the gay community, I’m good if he’d rather me not know.

      Urie is an actor. The only thing he’s quasi-obligated to do for me is to be good in the roles of his that I watch. We’re not kindred spirits or soul brothers just because he (may) like dick as much as I do.

      Mar 15, 2010 at 12:33 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Cam
      Cam

      No. 10 · CONVERSATION CHAMBER said…

      2) If he is gay, then like everyone else…when, if and how he comes out is HIS decision.
      ___________

      Yeah, but see, these people have already come out and are comfortable with it, they are just hiding that fact. ANY other celeb would have pictures of he and his girlfriend chatting in cofee shops or walking the dogs posted by People Magazine or Star. But people like Urie and Anderson Cooper, go into Restaurants in NYC with boyfriends or entourages of gay friends, the photogs purposely don’t post any pics of this, and then Urie gives ridiculous tortoured conversations about labels all the while twisting pronouns. Again, if he was just a guy dealing with coming out that is one thing, but he’s out already, just too cowardly to say it to an interviewer even though most likely his boyfriend is standing right next to him.

      Mar 15, 2010 at 12:57 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • fredo777
      fredo777

      @Cam:

      Even if his not coming out to the public yet is a form of “cowardice” in your opinion, he’s still entitled to keeping it private until he’s ready, just as I’m sure you didn’t come out of your mother’s womb waving a rainbow flag.

      Mar 15, 2010 at 1:03 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Cam
      Cam

      No. 12 · fredo777
      @Cam:

      Even if his not coming out to the public yet is a form of “cowardice” in your opinion, he’s still entitled to keeping it private until he’s ready, just as I’m sure you didn’t come out of your mother’s womb waving a rainbow flag.
      __________________________

      My comments are all about the cowardice of twisting their pronouns and decrying labels etc… when held up next to the younger girl from Mississippi who only wants to take her girlfriend to the prom, or the little boy in CO. who refused to say the pledge because he says until gays have the right to marry there is no liberty and justice for all. People like Urie just look cynical, ridiculous and cowardly in comparison to them and in fact to any of us who came out in environments much much much less gay friendly than New York or LA.

      Mar 15, 2010 at 1:10 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • fredo777
      fredo777

      @Cam: To be honest, I think the whole “is he or isn’t he?” thing where celebs are concerned is a convenient way to keep people talking about you. It’s like Donald Trump’s terrible comb-over. No publicity is bad publicity, or something to that effect…

      Mar 15, 2010 at 1:33 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Meowzer
      Meowzer

      I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again.
      Any public figure who is closeted is doing a disservice to the gay community and should be ashamed of themselves. They are basically saying “being gay is a bad thing. being gay will ruin your career. don’t ever come out because people won’t accept you”.
      Michael Urie, Sean Hayes, Jodi Foster and Anderson Cooper are gay. They know it. We know it. By dancing around the subject (like Urie’s WTF speech), it gives all of us striving for equal rights, treatment and benefits a bad name.
      Don’t go to GLAAD events, get your picture taken with the nasty “fags” and promote yourself, pretend you’re “for the cause” and then go back into your closet.

      Mar 15, 2010 at 1:35 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Kyle24
      Kyle24

      Urie is Hayes 2.0. Hopefully, now that UGLY BETTY is gone he will be gone as well.

      Mar 15, 2010 at 1:53 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Jon
      Jon

      What the F(ck is Urie Smoking?

      Mar 15, 2010 at 2:04 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • mk
      mk

      Urie recently came out as dating men and being with a male partner in the Advocate using the label “queer” for himself. That’s what he and Ben & Dave are talking about in this interview. He said in the Advocate he wasn’t identifying as gay because of his experiences in dating women in the past. It sounded like he was using queer as another word for bisexual.

      When asked what letter in LGBTQ he identifies himself, Urie says Q, for queer.

      “I’ve been in a relationship for a while now, and if you just met the two of us together we’d be ‘gay,’?” he explains. “But that somehow means anything that happened before [we met] didn’t count—and I don’t feel that way. I know that some people feel that way. They were with women, but it always felt wrong. But it didn’t for me. It felt right at the time. It didn’t work out, but it also didn’t work out with other men—many times. That’s why ‘gay’ never seemed right.” http://www.advocate.com/Arts_and_Entertainment/People/The_Not_So_Ugly_Truth/

      I don’t see a real problem. Maybe he is bi, and if he isn’t he’ll probably get around to saying so eventually like Elton John, Michael Stipe and all the non-famous gays who start off calling themselves bi.

      It’s his coming out process. There’s no need for us to get fascist about how he has to identify himself or what phases he’s allowed to go through.

      Mar 15, 2010 at 3:08 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • jb
      jb

      I tend to think it is a personal decision for a person to come out or not. What I found disturbing, besides his complete lack of any ability to express a coherent thought, was his seeming justification for ANYONE staying in the closet: that somehow the world is a more interesting place if people are closeted and that coming out cheapens the whole culture. If I’m understanding his words, I find them pretty repulsive, whether he himself is gay, straight, queer, blonde, or versatile…

      Mar 15, 2010 at 3:35 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • mk
      mk

      @jb:
      He’s poor at expressing himself. What I took away from this perfume response to the question about him choosing to come out using the label “queer” wasn’t a comment on the closet although he was using a discussion about the closet from a play to explain himself. My understanding is that essentially he is trying to say variety is the spice of life and when everyone comes out as whatever they are sexually (gay, “queer”, etc) society will become a mosaic of differences not a melting pot of sameness.

      Mar 15, 2010 at 4:14 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • jb
      jb

      @mk: Saying that you should keep a cap on it (a perfume bottle) so it won’t disappear into the air is like saying keep the door to the closet shut so that your clothes won’t fade. I like what YOU expressed MK:that society is a mosaic of many different tiles. But I don’t read that into what he actually said. Who knows, maybe he’s reading this and will use your analogy next time!

      FWIW

      Mar 15, 2010 at 4:22 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • mk
      mk

      @jb: He said the discussion in the play was one guy saying the “perfume” would dissipate and disappear while the other guy was arguing the “perfume” would become part of the air but also remain it’s own unique thing. Neither side was saying the cap should be kept on from what I heard. Urie was on the side of the guy saying we’d remain distinct and he feels his “queerness” will be part of that.

      Whether we interpret his comments differently or not, we agree on his self-expression being bad. He should trial run these speeches with people for advice before hitting the red carpet because people get a bit lost in his lengthy answers.

      Mar 15, 2010 at 5:15 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • D'oh, The Magnificent
      D'oh, The Magnificent

      @mk: Doesn’t he have PR people?

      Mar 15, 2010 at 5:39 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • David Ehrenstein
      David Ehrenstein

      @jb: I tend to think it ISN’T!!!!!!

      And I say this as someone who knew Edmund White before he was out.

      Mar 15, 2010 at 5:42 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • terrwill
      terrwill

      @Meowzer: Kudos! Too many public figures think being Gay is a part time gig, admiting or alluding to it only when they can advance for their own benefit……If every public figure would one day suddenly come out their vast numbers would cause all the rightwing lunatics heads to spontaniously implode at the very same time………

      Everytime she opens her mouth a freakin purse falls out…..admits to being in a relationship with a guy, has never apeared as anything but a Gay in any of her roles……..And yet refuses to utter the words “I am Gay”. Michael, if you say those words are you afraid people will say you are Gay???? : p

      Mar 15, 2010 at 5:42 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • David Ehrenstein
      David Ehrenstein

      @Meowzer: SING OUT LOUISE!

      Mar 15, 2010 at 7:02 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Geoff M
      Geoff M

      @David Ehrenstein: Amen

      Mar 15, 2010 at 8:35 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • fredo777
      fredo777

      This is the thing that irks me in this whole discussion: if he has openly identified himself as “queer”, why are we making the decision for him that he should say “i’m gay”. I mean, there are 4 or 5 other letters in the LGBTQQ community besides the “G”…

      Mar 15, 2010 at 8:41 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Persa
      Persa

      Saying that you are QUEER is exactly NOT saying you are straight, therefore, Michael Urie is NOT closeted.

      Ben and Dave do comedy. They make fun of people. Loads and loads of gays and lesbians and bisexuals have used the term queer to refer to themselves for decades.

      Michael and I are about the same age and when he said “Q” for Queer, it made perfect sense to me.

      I don’t see what all the fuss is about. He talked about his boyfriend and being in a long-term relationship with him in an extremely popular magazine.

      HOW IN THE HELL IS THAT CLOSETED?

      Why can’t folks be allowed to express themselves the way they want?

      Every LGBT charity event in NYC, Michael shows up to donate his time. Every AIDS prevent/services event, there he is, volunteering.

      He’s active in the gay community in New York, he plays a fabulous gay character on Ugly Betty, he’s in a historical play about a gay organization.

      He identifies as Queer because he actually enjoyed being with women and presumably loved them even though those relationships didn’t work.

      If he broke up with his current boyfriend and dated a woman again in the future, folks would have something nasty to say about that EVEN THOUGH he’s clearly stated that he doesn’t identify as gay.

      I don’t get what’s closeted about him? How is talking about your boyfriend in the Advocate closeted?

      Mar 15, 2010 at 8:56 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Ealan
      Ealan

      @Meowzer:

      “…Any public figure who is closeted is doing a disservice to the gay community and should be ashamed of themselves. They are basically saying “being gay is a bad thing…”

      So what about the “everyday non-celebrity” Joe’s that don’t or won’t come out? What about that gay guy that works at the Sbarro’s pizza shop in the mall? Are you and the other “judges of all things gay” (JOATG) out there giving him grief for “doing a disservice to the gay community”? Or is this particular demand just for celebrities? Maybe instead of tearing Michael Urie down, we could try being the role models that we keep expecting celebrities to automatically be for us. Maybe he needs role models. Maybe he needs to see that the community can be supportive of each other and its allies (though you cold never tell it from the comments on this board)

      And to actually be fair, Urie hasn’t said he’s gay because he doesn’t consider himself gay. He explained it very plainly in an interview with The Advocate last month that he is in a relationship with a man, but prior to this, he’d been in relationships with both men and women (most ppl consider this bisexuality). If he has to be labeled, he’d prefer to be considered “queer”. He’s not closeted and has never been closeted. So I’m having a tough time seeing why so many ppl are up on their high horses.

      Mar 15, 2010 at 11:24 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • FlopsyMopsyCT
      FlopsyMopsyCT

      Maybe I am just way behind the times and apologize if that’s the case, but what does “queer” even mean? Is it just some blanket term that encompasses all sexualities that aren’t heterosexual? Also, when did “Q” become attached to GLBT?

      I guess I don’t really understand what the big deal is with claiming yourself as gay. I am a guy that is exclusively sexually attracted to other guys, which is the basis for my romantic attraction to other guys. Doesn’t that mean homosexual or gay? Why develop some broader, abstract term to encompass sexualities that aren’t relevant to a person’s sexual life? Isn’t “gay” the word that’s been established as meaning being attracted sexually to one’s own gender?

      Sorry, I am not asking these questions rhetorically, I am actually very confused and curious.

      I think the problem that I have with Urie’s blatant equivocation on the subject is because it sounds as if he’s avoiding using the word “gay” for arbitrary reasons. I’ll be the first to say that I think a person should be able to come to terms with their sexuality at their own pace and come out when the time is right, if they ever do. But to live as a gay man, i.e. being in a relationship with another man, and then making up some abstract term to describe yourself because you don’t agree with the common social label is aggravating. I don’t really understand how the Queer alphabet could become anymore encompassing or accepting by introducing “Q” into the mix. Can’t he just be “gay” and be ok with that?

      Mar 16, 2010 at 12:19 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • fredo777
      fredo777

      @FlopsyMopsyCT:

      “Can’t he just be “gay” and be ok with that?”

      Why should he apply a certain label to his sexuality that he doesn’t identify with because you’d be more comfortable with it?

      Mar 16, 2010 at 4:30 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • David Ehrenstein
      David Ehrenstein

      @Ealan: ”
      And to actually be fair, Urie hasn’t said he’s gay because he doesn’t consider himself gay. He explained it very plainly in an interview with The Advocate last month that he is in a relationship with a man, but prior to this, he’d been in relationships with both men and women (most ppl consider this bisexuality).”

      The comeback for this is one of my all-time favorite lines of recent years from “Te Opposite of Sex.” After gay boytoy Ivan Sergei is seduced by evil slut Christina Ricci he declares “Actaully I’m bisexual” to which the great Lisa Kudrow replies “I went to a Bar Mitzvah once — does that make me Jewish?”

      Mar 16, 2010 at 9:31 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • alan brickman
      alan brickman

      typical queens always think they’re in control of who knows and who doesn’t….so typical and delusional….

      Mar 16, 2010 at 10:55 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Cam
      Cam

      No. 30 · Ealan
      @Meowzer:

      “…Any public figure who is closeted is doing a disservice to the gay community and should be ashamed of themselves. They are basically saying “being gay is a bad thing…”

      So what about the “everyday non-celebrity” Joe’s that don’t or won’t come out? What about that gay guy that works at the Sbarro’s pizza shop in the mall? Are you and the other “judges of all things gay”
      _______________

      Um, actually the problem with most of the people in hollywood is that they think the rest of the world behaves like they do….chances are….that guy in working in the Mall IS out.

      Mar 16, 2010 at 11:16 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Meowzer
      Meowzer

      @ 30 – Ealen
      I don’t consider myself the judge of all things gay. I consider myself a proud, out gay man. I expect nothing less from people who talk the talk but can’t walk the walk. All he has to do is look around and he’ll see normal, positive gay role models. He’s in Hollywood for God’s sake. Has he never known a gay person before? He’s at a GLAAD event. What does he think goes on there? What it stands for?
      The only reason I was harping on Urie (or other gay celebs that won’t come out) is because that’s what the story/article was about. Not about the average Joe at the pizza shop.
      For us to be Urie’s allies, he needs to be open and honest with the rest of the world. Anything shy of that is, and should be, unacceptable. I don’t care if he doesn’t consider himself gay (and yet, somehow, he thinks being “labeled” queer is better), he’s a human being who sees discrimination going on around him. He can’t be for us if he’s ashamed to be one of us. It might be easier if Joe in the pizza shop to come out if he sees it’s not the end of the world. Today, Joe is probably out and proud and working for the rights that Michal Urie will one day benefit from.

      Mar 16, 2010 at 2:21 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Cam
      Cam

      @ No. 36 · Meowzer

      Perfectly said.

      Mar 16, 2010 at 2:54 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Ealan
      Ealan

      @ David Ehrenstein #33- As great as Lisa Kudrow (love her) is, Lucia is not the best character to take quotes from- as I recall, she was the bitter woman that spent all of her time judging everybody around her because she was too scared to go out and live her own life. In urban circles, we refer to ppl like Lucia as “haters”.

      Mar 16, 2010 at 8:54 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Ealan
      Ealan

      @Meowzer #36- Sorry but if it walks like the JOATG, and it talks like the JOATG…

      It’s complete BS to have some higher standard that applies to the “Hollywood star” and not to everyone else. I think we all know a few closet cases, and until I see us targeting them the way we seem to enjoy targeting celebrities, I’m not buying it.

      And It seems like he sees the discrimination going on around him. Urie is out! He’s is involved (publicly) in a relationship with a guy, he plays gay roles, including a play about the Mattachine Society, one of the original gay rights groups, he’s supportive of and was attending a GLAAD event for heavens sake. How much more honest does he have to be? So what if he refers to himself as Queer b/c apparently he’s not just into men- the last time I checked, the bi’s and queer are part of the community too. He’s told us exactly what we need to know and he’s gone on record with as much. Are we mad that he hasn’t answered our questions/complaints/gripes or is it that he hasn’t given us the answer that we wanted?

      You sure you don’t care if he doesn’t consider himself gay?

      Mar 16, 2010 at 8:54 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • CooperComeOUt
      CooperComeOUt

      Another pathetic loser.

      Mar 16, 2010 at 9:06 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Persa
      Persa

      There are loads of closeted gays in hollywood. Yes, that’s true.

      But I still see no evidence that Michael Urie is closeted and no one seems to be able to provide any evidence.

      It’s interesting that folks are so focused on a word because gays and lesbians have been fighting each other and themselves about how we call ourselves for decades but it doesn’t make us any less who we are to call ourselves a homosexual, gay, fag, bi or queer.

      It’s all part of the same pie. It’s all about same-sex-sex having.

      I’m still trying to understand what folks want from Michael Urie.

      He identifies as queer because he’s also attracted to women and doesn’t want to deny that even if he is with a male partner right now. He talks openly about being in a relationship with his boyfriend to The Advocate.

      He’s actually played 3 gay characters that I know of one on Ugly Betty, in The Tempermentals and in a film about the aftermath of the world trade center bombing where he’s a young gay man dealing with living in Tribeca and trying to find a lover.

      He’s actively involved with gay charities and AIDS organizations here in NYC.

      He’s constantly photography at gay-related events with other gays.

      I really wish someone would tell me what they want from him. He is NOTHING like these closeted celebrities and politicians or other pseudo-closeted men folks keep bringing up.

      People keep saying they want him to be out and proud and I just don’t see how anyone could construe him as being anything other than OUT and very comfortable with being part of the gay community given what I’ve just outlined above.

      Why do folks just ignore the evidence that doesn’t fit their accusation?

      There is NOTHING closeted that I can see about Michael Urie.

      Mar 16, 2010 at 10:40 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Klarth
      Klarth

      @terrwill:
      They’re the modern versions of Sean Hayes, I guess.

      It’s funny. I told mom that he came out, and she was like, “what, you mean he was ever in? I thought everybody already knew.”

      Mar 17, 2010 at 6:20 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • jeffree
      jeffree

      he said he’s queer. he said he has a boyfriend. he doesnt pretend to be straight. which word people will use 2 describe themselves may depend on their age or where theyre from, but he is definately part of the diverse big disfunctional QUEER family

      my stepsister says shes Latina, her brother calls himself Mexican American, & their mom will say she is Hispanic.
      They dont fight over it.

      Why do we fight over it !? is it bad to be queer???

      Mar 17, 2010 at 11:40 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • alan brickman
      alan brickman

      His behavior shows shame and is probably causing gay teens considering suicide to do so…..

      Mar 18, 2010 at 7:45 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·

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