“You don’t get involved in family business,” explains one woman as to why she refused to intervene in a father berating his son after revealing he’s gay. “I feel for him, but it’s his father.” And thus the simplified sociological explanation for why we have bullies: because we tolerate them. Tolerate them!
The same thing so many queer people ask for. And by tolerating them, we accept them. We say the behavior of these people — these parents — is reasonable. In public and private. If you are given a reasonable chance to say something to intervene, and you choose not to, you are complicit. So kudos to the individuals who did stand up while ABC’s What Would You Do?‘s cameras rolled. Like the mother of a 19-year-old Rutgers University student who’s all too aware of what this intolerance breeds.
Zed
except that a lot of people didn’t tolerate them in this case….
Josh
I don’t think it’s fair to say that this proves people aren’t sympathetic toward the cause. One women said that she doesn’t “get involved with family business”, and that’s a big deal in America. Nobody (even the ones who didn’t intervene) was okay with what was happening, but we as a society have been bred to avoid getting into other people’s business, especially parent-child, and especially when no one is being physically harmed.
Desdemona
for real zed! this articles title is misleading. it was mostly inspiring to see the people who stepped in to defend the boy.
They said that it didn’t make a difference if it was a homophobic mother or father, but it seemed to me like more people were compelled to step in when it was a homophobic mother. I honestly wonder if I would’ve even said anything. I hope I’d be brave enough.
& it’s sad but true that a lot of parents react like this!! If you don’t accept your child for who they are- you shouldn’t have a child! You shouldn’t be a parent, b/c you’re a $hit parent! People need to stop entertaining these fantasies of what they want their children to be like. If only people had children b/c they truly understood and wanted to foster another life, instead of just selfishly wanting to make a clone of themselves, the world would be a better place.
David
omg that video made me break into tears sometimes
Mikey S
I agree with the first comment. Why so down? A lot of people did step in and they were inspiring. Rather than self loathing, how about the editors here take some Zoloft and revel in how far we have come. The fact that this is even on TV and the fact that the implied “correct” thing to do is step in is wonderful.
Mr.Aigner
How is it these homophobic actors comments to their actor child any different whatsoever than the militant commentary spewed by “straight acting” gay men on this very blog toward other gay men who are effiminate?
Our community is currently going through an identity crisis of it’s own triggered by self loathing, self hating, GAY homophobes who are fixated on every gay man being percieved as masculine. The moment any gay man on mass media or in real life showcases fem traits, you hear a hurl of insults such as “fag, nellie, queen, bitch, sissy”…and NO that’s not from the comments section of Glen Beck blogs but right here on queerty by insecure homosexuals who themselves have not grasped the true definition of acceptance, tolerance and DIVERSITY.
Before we go pointing fingers at hetrosexuals, who in this clip showed great concern, let’s try to fix our own homes first. Gay people tend to be some of the most (internal) homophobes out there…and trust & believe if this scenario were to take place in a gay establishment, some SECURE gay men would intervene and remedy peace but a good number of “str8 acting” gay men would think it’s a great lesson for the child and would applaud the parents actions.
PJ Smith
This is one of the most inspiring shows and REAL reality t.v. I especially have appreciated their many sympathetic storylines on homophobia and gay issues where they do a better job at displaying the importance of acceptance than any other programming that comes to mind. I hope if you get a moment, please contact ABC and this show on ABC.com and thank them for highlighting this as it is a very instrumental learning lesson for parents and children out there struggling with this.
DR
I think this ep jumped the shark from “what would you do?” to “how can we make you either feel self-important or guilty about getting involved?”
There are some things this show needs to leave alone. If there is actual recourse, great, but this ep does nothing but play to emotions and asks that people get involved in a family issue they have no business getting involved with.
As I posted elsewhere… “what would I do?” Change the channel the next time this reality porn is on.
Kieran
Oh those poor pathetic bullied gays. Nobody loves or wants them. And you know they’re really gay because see how they’re crying like little girls? Having a gay kid is almost as bad as having an autistic kid. It’s soooo tragic.
I want to see the episode where a loud gay kid yells at his parents, “Screw you if you can’t accept me for being gay! You think it’s been easy for me having to deal with hetero parents who can’t relate to my sexual orientation? I’m gay and I’m proud of who I am and if you can’t accept that, well that’s your problem not mine. Go out and adopt a breeder if that’s what you want because you won’t have me in your life if you can’t accept me for who I am!” Then I want to see the hetero parent whimpering helplessly in the restaurant. What would you do?
CaliberGuy
@Kieran:
Obviously you did not get the point of any of the responses of the people that steeped in, especially the mother with autistic kids, whose point was you don’t stop loving your child and hurt them because they don’t fit the predetermined dream that you had for them. She made the point by pointing out her predetermined dream for her two kids did not involve them being autistic but as a parent you love them and fight for them!
Gee I think most people would “cry like a little girl” if their parant ends started ripping them apart verbally, and saying they refuse to love them and be their parents no matter if it was in public or not. Its called having emotions and a hart not made of stone, after all most people get upset when the people that are supposed to love you the most and unconditionally suddenly turn on you like a rabid wolf.
What you want is total BS, and not a situation that happens at all, especially with teens first coming out. Also good job with you men don’t/can’t cry BS with “crying like a little girl” how about next time crying like someone who’s world and system of support and love is falling apart.
RomanHans
Why exactly do strangers have the right to intervene in a private conversation? If I yelled at everybody I saw doing something stupid I wouldn’t have a voice left.
Jared Alessandroni
I like to think that I’d be like that lady with the autistic children, but I can’t be 100% sure until I’m in that kind of situation. I get and appreciate the spirit of the show, but that kind of dad, if enraged could put you or his son in physical danger. That’s neither here nor there, though – I have a big problem with the premise of the show. You’re put in an awful situation and then judged on your response. It seems, at best, unethical. The two guys from the beginning, while it might have been nice to see them really engage the dad, were not any more wrong than the waiter (if he’d been real) or the other patrons, but they’re sitting there and they’re bullied by the host for not standing up. The restaurant was not otherwise empty. I don’t like the me that might not always do the right thing, but I have a right to it.