When the Locals Assume I’m Straight, Should I Correct Them?
It was one of my first days at the Universidad Autónoma de Guerrero, in Acapulco. Standing in front of level 300 English with around 40 students, they began to shoot me questions about the city so far: where had I been, where had I gone out, what had I seen. As it happens, I had already acquainted myself with the gay scene visiting a few bars and clubs the weekend prior. Deciding to be a jokester, un estudiante asked if I had gone to the gay nightclub Demas before turning to his group of friends and cracking up–sólo faltaba chocarles los cinco. “Actually, yeah I did,” I shot back in a very nonchalant manner. The student’s demeanor immediately turned from jovial to serious as another asked, surprised, “Wait. Did you really?”
As we all know coming out is a process, not a single event. Before disembarking for Acapulco, I promised myself I would continue my coming-out philosophy of reacting in all situations as a straight person would. Imagine this exchange:
If someone assumes I’m straight, there’s no reason for me not to casually correct them.
Acapulco Taxi Driver: “…and what do you think about the boys from Acapulco.”
Heterosexual Gringo: “I will begin my response by negating the false presupposition of my sexuality behind your question.”
Okay, perhaps that’s not an authentic hypothetical response, but you get the idea: If someone assumes I’m straight, there’s no reason for me not to casually correct them. Of course, at times my nerves or overthinking keep me from fulfilling this goal 100 percent of the time, but it’s been something I strive for. Nonetheless, because I was going to be teaching at a school in Acapulco, in a different country and culture, I made sure to speak with my supervisor about the issue.
“You mean you’re just going to randomly tell the students you’re gay?” she questioned. After further explanation she concluded it would be a non-issue. And it was.
Brandon Brewer is a Fulbright scholar who recently returned to the U.S. after living in Mexico. Brandon previously wrote about Mexico's attitude toward skin color, spring break, and Spanish double entendres. Read more about his travels down south on his blog.
On: Aug 19, 2009
Tagged: Border Jumper, Brandon Brewer, Coming Out, Mexico
When I realized coming out was an ongoing process I was pissed. Now of course I laugh about that reaction. Brandon has the right approach I think. Good article/excerpt,Queerty…thanks!
Wow. A horribly written piece that ends with the author propagating the stereotype that gay men are sex-driven and horny and will sleep with their students.
Awesome. :-/
If that is truly what you took from this piece, Alexandre, perhaps you are an idiot?
Just something to chew on. Besides a cock.
Yeah.. You is a catcher!
@Alexandre:
Pretty harsh…so going out to a gay bar makes you ‘sex-driven and horny’? And when did he say he slept with his students? I think you’re projecting here. Lighten up!
I enjoyed this piece, and credit the author for being honest and open about himself…and being an everyday activist by living his life as if being gay is ‘just fine’, nothing to apologize for or to hide, and assuming that most people are not out to hate us.
That said, every LGBT person’s personal safety should always be paramount. Being a beaten up (or dead) everyday activist is not what is called for to enlighten the planet. Different environments, different cultures, and our own personal comfort level should always be listened to and honored as we decide how ‘out’ to be.
Thanks Dennis & Bill my thoughts exactly. Nowhere does he even hint he had sex with his students.
Now on the lighter side, that attached picture with the horizontal striped circles on his pants and the gold accented top, I doubt the locals will assume he’s straight ;)
@Alexandre: Issues??
Are you teaching the deaf and blind?
I loved this piece, and I learned some Spanish too. Brava!
It’s an interesting peice. Wish we could get those kind of responses here in America. Of course this seems to be the Right wing capital of the world in every way.
I rarely get picked out as being gay and because I’m too straightforward to lie, I’ve not infrequently lost jobs when people I told people. Because I get tired of women having unwelcome crushes on me,i. e. at work and people asking about my private life or seeing me with identifiably gay people I’m truthful despite the trouble it’s caused me. It seems that straight people hate you worse if you’re more like them. Not that much different than slightly disabled or different kids having more trouble.
Where I live an amazing lot of people(Minnesota) live in the closet at work etc. Disgusting -that’s the biggest barrier to any real liberation.
M Shane – so glad you’re truthful – I know how hard it is. You must be pretty good looking to get all this unwanted attention (no I’m not hinting that you’re bragging.) Wish I could see your photo! :)
No. 11 · Jaroslaw
I wasn’t bragging, trust me, being sexually attractive to people is something that I thought at one time was great , very lonely at others. Not very good at all when it involved women. I think ,in my case it has been some kind of sexual attractiveness, and having sex all the time, even with who I wanted just doesn’t suffice.
I really want to be liked for who I am, most of all. It’s difficult where I live now, because even gay peole are very passive-agressive and I like to talk to people.
In any case, initial impressions have gotten in the way of making friends, which I think are far more important than sexual partners, in the long run.
Things are changing across Latin America… across the world. I ride cabs a lot (in DC and NYC) and am often asked about my wife. I tell them immediately that I am gay and I have always gotten a polite response from the usually African or Middle Eastern taxi drivers. Some have volunteered tales of gay relatives. Some have told me they love gay customers because we are the most polite and because we are the best tippers. But one Sikh taxi driver did ask an awful lot of questions about being gay, which started getting creepy. Ha.
Even living in a fairly conservative Muslim country, I’m more or less completely out, in pretty much the way that the author of this (very good) piece is. While I can’t be totally sure of what people say behind my back (who can?), I can honestly say I’ve never had a bad reaction.
Of course, since I basically come across as Ethel Merman in a suit and tie (well, a far, far more attractive Ethel Merman, of course), I suppose it’s not that much of a surprise to most…
No. 14 · Muscato: Do you sing and dance? That would be a sure give away!
i just wanted to say that i loved this articulo i didnt look for the escritor which i will after im done with this but i love that your pay attention to the Hispanic world and our falsehoods and attributes