Unlike the United Kingdom’s gays-only civil unions law, Illinois’ about-to-pass legislation is open to heterosexual couples too. Which means that not only are gays there still forbidden from marriage rights, but straights are also welcome to have one of these second-class unions if they so choose. Who does this benefit? Old heteros, who can “remarry” under a civil union without risking the loss of a deceased spouse’s pension. Also: Young heteros, who don’t want to lose their parents’ health insurance benefits but still want to firm up their relationship. Also: Polygamists! Now straights can get married and civil union’d.