(#117) Your fuckin mom was a straight woman, you know. Jesus, you self-segregated ALL-OUT gays can be such vicious, hateful, evil queens sometimes. The hilarious thing is how far so many women have stood by gay men and their struggle for equality, considering hateful misogynist queers like you would just assume all women shut up and go away. Typical men, if ya don’t want your dick in something, ya got no use for it.

(#232) Again with the “women have no place” rhetoric. Good LORD you’re bitter about women. Some woman somewhere must’ve REALLY burned the hell out of you over something. If women had completely opted out of the fight for your rights, my darling, you’d've long ago been hung from a tree or fence somewhere. Did some girl publicly out you? That’s be a nice tidy little package explaining your hatred of both women and gays so fortunate as to be able to have a closet. Or is that your problem? Are you just so limp-at-the-wrist nelly gay that you never had the option of a closet? Do you resent those that do because you can’t and never could?

(#234) You rail against “fag hags” treating gays like slaves, but you advocate what…NO right to privacy among those in entertainment? Because they are publicly marketed? Really? Frankly, i find it disgusting that we are so privy to the private lives of public figures, gay OR straight. It’s a terribly American double standard that we all want so desperately into the bedrooms of the famous but we resent even the suggestion that our lives be so open and revealing. You have no more right to know what does or does happen behind Matt Bomer’s closed doors than i have to know what goes on behind yours.

(#240) Nice that you can live in such absolutes. Very convenient coming from someone who obviously had nothing to lose by being outed. Then again, i’m willing to bet your younger years were hardly so rosy as you’d like us to believe. If they were, i doubt you be so goddamned bitter and angsty.

@NoDoubleStandards: For the record, i’d like to say that you have indeed conducted yourself in this debate with much more aplomb and respectability than david up there. Shame you get the angsty reactions because you share a similar, if better-articulated, point of view.

To my point, though: I for one do not see Mr. Bomer’s decision to be cagey about his private life as a virtue. I see it as his right. One’s personal right to discuss or not discuss his or her personal life is neither inherently virtuous or devious, it just is. I do not think it necessarily makes him a coward, either, just cautious. What you’re asking a man to do here, is to potentially sacrifice his potentially very lucrative career on the alter of principle. Now, that’s all well an good in a world of principles, but let’s face it, YOUR principles aren’t gonna pay HIS kids’ tuition. Community-mindedness is one thing, but this is a man for whom personal decisions have potentially deep-reaching personal consequences. As much as i believe in the movement, I don’t think *I* would be willing to take that much liberty with my own future, let alone if i had a couple kids to worry about. This lofty standard of personal integrity can only exist in a vacuum. I guess the root of my argument is that it is unfair of you or anyone else to try to dictate when, how, where, or why another person chooses or does not choose to live an out life.

Furthermore, I still think it makes more sense to establish oneself as an actor first before opening oneself to the label of GAY actor. This is not to say that active denial and such is advisable, but dodging the question, or refusing to directly own it? It’s less than lofty, such a position, but it’s real. I ask you, would you like to be introduced at a new job as the new gay hire? It is an automatic negation of anything to do with who you are outside of sex. For an actor, who is going to have to rely in no small part on his sex appeal, this could be a serious problem. Yeah, the system that supports the closet is flawed and horrible, but the way to break it down is not to sacrifice young actors at the beginning of their careers. With the system in place, that merely guarantees that nothing will change. If Clooney had come out when he was on Roseanne, i can guarantee you he wouldn’t be Danny Ocean, today. If he came out tomorrow, he would still get work, because he’s proven himself as an actor. In 1987? Nobody would even have missed the cute guy from that arc on Roseanne. He’d've spent the subsequent twenty years trying to hold things together on catering gigs and independent film. Ian McKellan gets work because he’s a phenomenal actor who (just by-the-way) is frankly too old for mainstream audiences to really think of as a sexual object anymore. It’s a lot easier to see an actor from his chops, if you aren’t trying to catch a glimpse of his bulge.

So, IMO, it may not be virtuous of Bomer to demure, but it’s hardly a cardinal sin. For him, it makes sense. Just like any of us biding our time on coming out did or does.

Coming out is personal. Stop trying to make it communal. I sure as fuck never came out for anyone else’s benefit but mine. Whether that decision was affirming to anyone else or not never came into the equation, for me. It was about what *I* was willing to let other people know about *ME* and how *I* felt about *ME*. In the end, it’s a PERSONAL decision about PERSONAL integrity.

Service to the community comes later, when one has come to the place of being PERSONALLY at peace with one’s OWN orientation and identification. Speaking as part of the GLBT hoi-polloi, I’d rather a secure, self-assured advocate than a reluctant martyr dragged out of the closet on tenterhooks, anyway.

-Cj

Peace.

Do you even understand the depth or reasoning behind the posts and debates? Some people posted not just because of an interest in celebs, but because we have an interest in civil rights and society. What was even more nauseating is how you are serving as a sycophant for Matt Bomer. You are commending his calculating behavior and acting like it is a wonderful thing. He is also not the most philanthropic man in Hollywood, a lot of those donations come from his partner who he is not being open about.
Where do get all off claiming that he is the nicest guy in the world? You are either a delusional fan or somebody sent out from his PR team to respond. He may be a nice guy but what he is doing
is not worthy of praise or defense.

He is selling out and giving in to the Hollywood machine. He is letting bigoted people call the shots. What example does that send? Gay/bi men should stay in the closet if they want to avoid controversy and be A-list movie stars? It is people like that who are making the world go backwards instead of being progressive.

His current lover is part of the Hollywood machine. He is misleading people and making closetness/deceit seem okay. His career is on the rise but the scripts are not pouring in, you are definitely exaggerating. From what I have seen, he is a decent actor but not a great talent. Don’t kiss his ass. It would be great if he were successful but not if he chooses to be a phony. I was sympathetic towards his possible reasons but people like you make me lose sympathy towards him because it shows the negative impacts it has on others by defending such behavior. Every citizen has a right to comment. If we are such “losers”, maybe you should avoid this blog.

I understand and sympathize with people who feel like they need to stay in the closet. But I agree with you, it is not honorable or praiseworthy. Matt Bomer and his PR machine are being manipulative. I understand his reasons but that does not make his blatant hiding and games classy. People should not enable bigotry and deception. Matt is beautiful and a promising talent on the rise but he is still B-list. Maybe he wants to be an A-lister. Maybe he is a nice guy but he is NO role model for the gay/bi communiy. What he is doing deserves some criticism, not respect. I both sympathize and object to his actions because that is what his behavior elicits. He can’t have his cake and eat it too.

I can understand why he is being closeted. Maybe he is afraid of discrimination, hatred, bias, or typecasting. He has not hit the big-time yet and maybe he wants to wait. People compare him to NPH, TR, Rupert Everett,Barrowman, and and etc but none of those guys are major movie stars or A-list power players. It would cause a different and less tolerant reaction if a major star like Pitt, Depp, or Matt Damon came out as bisexual. People would view them differently. It is the ugly truth. People are behaving like most people wouldn’t care but that is not the case, it does affect image and perception. People are not as open minded as they present themselves to be.
It depends on who it is.

Maybe he is bisexual and is afraid that this same-sex relationship won’t last, and he isn’t being open because the world is even more intolerant towards bisexuals. Maybe he doesn’t want to be sucked into the political and image game where being gay/bi defines your idenity and popularity.
Even NPH played the gay card after denying sociopolitical interest, it worked to his benefit. Adam Lamber also played the gay card to the benefit of his image, popularity, and the amount of PR & fame he gets just for his orientation. He has incorporated that into his music and concerts.

However, I also understand the other side of the debate. What made me angry is that some people lied and tried to spin that he was open and keep projecting him as a role model for the gay community when he is NOT. For the record, his behavior and the behavior of his PR team indicates a closet case because he is not openly stating he is gay/bi or even acknowledging that he is in a relationship with a man. He made ambiguious statements about his personal life and made it seem it would be too controversial for him to discuss it, and indicated his PR teams wants him to keep his mouth shut. The backlash from the gay community is understandable because now you have outright misleading, denial, lying, and manipulation going on. He is not open and proud, people who keep claiming that are being contradictory. His PR team tried to create a misleading impression that he is hetero. Someone listed examples, Bomer falls into the category as a closet-case because he is hiding his same-sex relationship from the media and general public.

If he was just experimenting with his sexuality and casually dating, it would be best for him to keep mum especially since orientation and identity are fluid. It can be confusing. I had experiences with the same sex but it wasn’t intense or long enough for me to define myself as a bisexual girl. However, he has been in a long term, committed, same sex-relatioship with a powerful gay man and is raising his children. It has gotten to a point where it is cowardly to deny his personal life completely.
What kind of example does that set? If things had ever gotten serious with a girl, I would have openly declared myself as bi and would openly discuss my girlfriend. To do otherwise, enables bigotry and manipulation. Just like how when I become serious with a man, I acknowledge it. The only legit and respectable reason for Matt to hide it is because he thinks this relationship won’t last and doesn’t want to be defined by bisexuality or whatever over something that would cause huge PR hysteria without amounting to anything. But he is not open and he is a not a role model. I understand why but it is not respectable or honorable.

I know somebody who knows Matt Bomer and he says Matt is bisexual. He is attracted to women and has been involved with women seriously. He is still dealing with falling for a man and it has been hard.

Also, people should not bully bloggers for posting photos and should not demand they be taken down. It is a double standard. He is a public figure and photos like that would be made public. The public has no obligation to cover his image and keep his secrets. A hetero star who is not ready to make a relationship public or does not want to make a hookup public, does not have that courtesy. People still have the liscense to post photos which could be misleading. But those photos of him making out with a man were not misleading.

People need to look at all sides of the argument before expressing such venom.

Complete B.S.

I’ll do you one better, try working for 10 years in a massive macho good old boys network rife with homophobia and STILL bringing your boyfriend to the company picnic because bowing down to others bigotry is just being a part of it. these Hollywood cowards like to pretend that their lives are somehow so different than ours. Well, we come out in environments much more homophobic than Hollywood and we aren’t getting paid millions of dollars either. This guy is just another closet case.

Once upon a time, I had a Charlie Brown album/book combo (late 1960s) where Lucy is explaining to Linus “Little Known Facts” about how the world works. She tells him such things as “the snow comes up just like the flowers; the wind blows it around so it looks like its falling…”

Nearby Charlie Brown is listening to Lucy’s silly explanations, and in utter disbelief, he begins knocking his head against a tree.

“Why is Charlie Brown knocking his head against that tree?” Linus asks. “To loosen the bark so the tree will grow faster!” responds Lucy.

Well David Erhenstein is Lucy; and now she’s got you knocking your head against a tree, too. [I still have bruises on my head after engaging in the same arguments over Anderson Cooper on a posting last week.]

Because I was curious, I checked all sorts of other items that I had posted my comments. Posting about the Family Research Council wanting to round us up and force “straight therapy”; Uganda’s kill the gays bill; Maggot Gallagher and her rantings; status of DADT; Obama as a failure; upcoming votes to ban same-sex marriage. All sorts of important issues relating to the LGBT community, and yet David is silent when it comes to real enemies to the LGBT community.

David just loves to compare the Anderson Coopers and Matt Bomers of the world, and those of us who support the individual freedom of choice to live our lives and pursue our happiness, as KAPOs, the prisoner trustees of Nazi concentration camps. Oh yes, supporting the rights of privacy and freedom, is so like murdering one’s fellow concentration camp prisoners. To me, David is like the Nazi camp sergeants, ordering everyone else about and telling exactly how what they must do, be and act.

Care to try another?

My feet hurt, nothing else. I always enjoy you posts. Wow, I’m fading out. Pooped! Happy blogging.

My beef was this: GLBs have enemies. Are we better off targeting those who seek to quiet our voices, see us disappear, and pretend we don’t have reason to claim rights as equals OR those persons who do not fit “our” ideals as to their public relations and media campaigns?

That question remains unanswered What do David KAPOS Enrenreich and NoDoubleStandards want us to do to protest this offense.

They remain mute, silent, and stupified

I am constantly fascinated by how shadow some peo are.

Given all your above posts, that sure seems to aptly described you now don’t it?

Sorry hun….,,,,sometimes the truth can be downright ugly, and pathetic, and sad, and empty, and small, and laughable, and uttered by FDR’s squeeze.

I hope we’re clear.

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Getting pathetic closets cases like you upset is the FUN part.

I’m speaking my mind Whether what I have to say changes your mind is entirely up to you.

There is no “better moment.”