Who Will Replace Anderson Cooper? These 16 Contestants* Will Try

I’m always a little skeptical of invitations our inbox receives from off-the-radar theatrical productions, but I’m giving a pass to The Untitled Anderson Cooper/CNN Project, “a new reality theatrical comedy,” because of this description:

Anderson Cooper: reporter, investigator, icon. Without him, television would not be the same. No, the world would not be the same. So what will happen when he is off the air? Who will replace the irreplaceable? Who would be the next American icon? In the 21st Century, there’s only one way to find out—a reality TV show. The Untitled Anderson Cooper/CNN Project is the only place to find this reality show, in which 16 contestants compete to be the next Anderson Cooper. They must therefore prove themselves to be courageous, strong, and presentable. Who can replace the irreplaceable? We’re about to find out. The Untitled Anderson Cooper/CNN Project is a two-act theater production about a reality show in which contestants compete to earn the title of being Anderson Cooper’s replacement. The contestants must take part in challenges such as surviving a hurricane, completing a news segment focusing on a popular psychic, and finding Osama bin Laden. Of the reality show’s thirteen episodes, three are presented in The Untitled Anderson Cooper/CNN Project, including the ‘reunion episode’ in which a winner is selected. Thus, the production is essentially TV for the stage, complete with interviews, flashbacks, and even commercials. Furthermore, the play’s 70 characters are all portrayed by only two actors [Doug Shapiro and Stephen Bishop Seely].

For the record: Anderson isn’t going anywhere anytime soon. But I’m dying to see if a non-silver fox can replace my boyfriend.