Will Gay Cross-Dressing, PDA, And Other Wedding Antics Help Our Anti-Gay Foes?
EDITOR’S NOTE: I accidentally posted a photo of a bearded bride with a copyright owned by TW Collins from Flickr. Under notification of said copyright, I removed the image and added additional comments to Mr. Collins below.
As we know, some gays didn’t like Dan Savage promoting honest, open-marriages as an alternative to monogamy because they fear it will “give ammo to our enemies” who say that gays wanna “redefine marriage.” OK then… does that same standard apply to the LGBT folks tying the knot this weekend? Should they avoid cross-dressing, over-done drag, and scenes of unabashed making out lest the anti-equality crowd republish these pictures and use them against us “destroying and disrespecting the institute of marriage”?
Though, we guess if they do that, we could always just post pictures of Newt Gingrich’s seventeen hundred wives and Britney Spears’ half-day groom and then ask their thoughts on those.
Image via QueerClick (NSFW)
I think you all should keep track of these couples and tell us how many are divorced this time next year. I have a feeling some are getting married on a lark.
Otherwise, I am glad to see that gay and lesbian couples can now marry there.
And I’m sort of hoping y’all get a pic of a couple with one wearing a cat costume and the other wearing a dog costume.
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It is very painful to watch these morons make a mockery of marriage. I suspect these people have no respect for the rights we have won. I have no doubt that they think we are becoming the homosexual bourgeoisie and that somehow their freedom is being imperiled. God forbid gays should actually join the mainstream and live respectable lives. Decadent fag behavior is becoming a thing of the past as we awaken from the unreality that destructive behavior is somehow good for us. These people should be met with scorn for being a spectacle and providing the religious right with ammunition to demonstrate that we aren’t serious and don’t deserve marriage.
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Open relationships do not a marriage make. We want the hetro word “marriage” that in our current times is defined as monogamy. If you are going to have an open marriage why call it that since clearly it isn’t about love is it. Must be for financial reasons and if so civil unions would do. Open marriages imply that we just can’t keep it in our pants because we are men. That we must be stupid animals whose nature is to fuck everything. We want our cake and eat it to. I know not one gay couple that believes in open relationships. If you need to be in an open relationship it is time to move on. If you can’t be monogamous don’t get married!
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@inoits2 : Hetero people make a mockery of marriage much more often. They can get married anywhere they choose, with no advanced planning, no worries about where their marriage will be considered legal.
Why must we be held to higher standards?
Religious right people need no more ammo to denounce us other than the fact that we exist outside of closets and will not go away or change. Weddings or not, they wish us to become invisible or nonexistent. Open your eyes.
You need to rethink your views on how social change occurs. Clue: it doesn’t always involve just blending in or being stealth.
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Since you used my photo (on the right, which has a copyright by the way) without my permission and used it completely out of context AND without the description, I believe it is YOU and the other commenters who are exhibiting bad taste and judgement not to mention just being plain judgemental.
Jaime Renee, 17 years as a couple and counting!
prohomo, Why don’t you take a look at the rest of the set.
inoits2, You do not know me or my partner of 17 years.
Furthermore my photo was part of a fundraiser at the Atlanta Gay Pride Festival in 2006.
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@xander: Hetros are the majority and they are watching us to see what it all means when gays get married. We have a responsibility to show the world that we deserve marriage and I despise flaming weirdos that have no respect for anything at all. Nothing. Hets can get married anywhere they choose, no worries and now so can we. That’s great. But I don’t see hets purposely making fun of weddings…or other peoples weddings. these people are purposely making it a joke and a freak show.
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@ inoits2
I REPEAT
MY PHOTO WAS SHOT AT A PHOTO-BOOTH DURING ALTANTA GAY PRIDE WHICH WAS RAISING MONEY FOR LGBT YOUTH. I DO NOT APPRECIATE BEING CALLED A “FLAMING WEIRDO”!
Thanks a lot, Daniel Villarreal, for taking my photo and ruining my feelings for it as well as raining on my congratulations to New York’s Marriage Equality Act.
You searched and found the photo, you saw the context in which it was being used and you used it for your own sensationalist benefit. Shame on you!
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@TW Collins: I apologize. I thought you did it in NY today. I took it as it was presented. I was also asked for my opinion and I gave it.
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@TW Collins: I will not apologize to the couple on the left. No way.
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@TW Collins: Great, hope it lasts a lot longer for y’all. I have a couple of friends in your state that have been together over 25 years, I hope they take advantage of this as well. And I really hope you didn’t forget something blue and something borrowed:-)
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@TW Collins: I should have read more comments before I replied to you. Queerty really has some solid journalistic integrity going on, don’t they?
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@inoits2: “God forbid gays should actually join the mainstream and live respectable lives…” Wow. So, it’s not just that maybe they’re being tacky or ridiculous. It’s that they’re not “mainstream” enough or “respectable” enough for your sensibilities. Perhaps you’d also like to enlighten us on proper and “respectable” apparel. Or, what music or books are “mainstream” enough for us gays. Should we use more “straight-sounding” names? After all, we’re so decadent we’ve forgotten how to properly “act.” For all we know, you might like wearing diapers or having your partner wrap you in Saran Wrap and spank you. That’s not mainstream and some might say it’s not respectable, but I wouldn’t want you judged for it. Lighten up a bit or you’ll give yourself an ulcer.
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Daniel Villarreal. I really, REALLY think you owe @TW Collins an explanation and an apology. You should obviously remove that photo since it is copyrighted and you don’t have permission to use it. If you want folks to stop taking the piss out of Queerty for being sloppy, perhaps taking a bit longer to check things would help.
I love both photos. The people in them look happy. I’ve seen “crazier” photos from hippie weddings in the 60s (of which my parents was one) and Las Vegas (many of those couples lasted 30 and 40 years or more)
Where you get married and how you present yourself when you do so has no connection to the strength of your marriage.
Marriage equality is not about gay folks having BETTER marriages or looking good for crazy homophobic far right extremists.
Marriage equality is simply about the right, as consenting, legal adults to get married to the person you love.
Judging people’s love or capacity for commitment based upon appearances is ridiculous, spiteful and petty.
Babyboy with the beard and fabulous fishnets and platforms is working that leg, HOLLA!
SO SAY WE ALL.
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@Ian: @Ian: Proper and respectable apparel doesn’t include a the ridiculous clown outfit that couple on the left is wearing. What a freak show. I am JUDGING them big time. If you don’t know what mainstream is then I guess you never will. I may be the kinkiest person you will ever meet but you will never know because I won’t advertise what I do on the street. That’s a private matter. Problem is we are bit too light and need ot learn to take ourselves more seriously…if we do that then maybe we will gain the world’s respect.
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@inoits2: Google “clown wedding” images. Lots of hetero people having them to. I do mean a lot!
Who knew?
I wouldn’t and won’t dress like that when marrying, because I want to follow some of my family’s cultural traditions, but for you to get Ms Manners over such details seems like you need a fainting couch and some smelling salts at the ready twenty-four 7!
Breathe, mate. It’s not the end of the world.
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@inoits2
Perhaps that’s true. I’m not entirely convinced that gay people have an “obligation” to take themselves any more seriously than other demographics. Even if such an obligation could be persuasively established, it wouldn’t change much as water is going to find its level. But it might be better if they were to from a practical position given the fact that homophobia does impact one’s opportunities in life. Sure it’s wrong, but them’s the breaks–at least be aware of it.
Mainstream gay “community” is often defined by death culture and explicit sexuality. I’m not saying that there’s anything wrong with death culture (i.e., substance abuse, smoking, drinking, drugging, lots of unsafe sex that results in skewed seroconversion rates among MSM) or explicit sexuality, just that it may have far too much influence on your average gay person. And smoking, substance abuse rates, hiv seroconversion rates, and rates of mental illness indicate that its influence is, shall we say, undue. I’m not denying that “straight” people aren’t saturated in debauchery and substance abuse, but they do have a way out (other ways of being that aren’t available to gays and lesbians). That being said, those who oppose lgbt civil rights don’t really need an excuse. But the argument can be made that some of those on the fence aren’t going to line up in support of lgbt civil equality BECAUSE Of folsom street or this silliness. But it’s obviously not just civil equality that will bring an end to the gay “community”.
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@Ganondorf:Thank you, you are far more eloquent than I. I am sure we will not agree on many things but you are one of the few sane people commenting on this blog. I love this blog btw because it allows for alternative views, unlike others.
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@TW Collins: Dear Mr. Collins,
I apologize for my bad judgement in using your copyrighted image without your permission and have removed it as is proper. In scouring Flickr for gay wedding images to commemorate and raise questions around New York’s historic event, your image struck me and I irresponsibly shared it without first confirming its copyright protections. It was a novice and unacceptable mistake and I ask your forgiveness for replicating the image without your permission.
Your image’s Flickr page provided the following context :
Bridezilla!
Today (Sunday, July 24th) marks the first day that gay woman and men can legally marry in New York State.
New York now joins Connecticut, Iowa, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, Vermont, plus Washington, D.C. and the Coquille Indian Tribe in Oregon, in the basic human right to marry the one you love.
Admittedly, after seeing this “vision in white”, I was having second thoughts but love is truly blind. ;~)
Congratulations New York!
I reposted your image ignorant of its greater personal context (namely when you took it, why, and your relationship history) and I am sorry that my accompanying article “ruined [your] feelings for it as well as rained on [your] congratulations to New York’s Marriage Equality Act.” I intended neither deliberate bad taste nor sensationalism through my article, but wanted only to raise a valid question about the possible negative use of such gay wedding imagery.
The commenters, equally ignorant of your image’s context quickly passed judgement the way that anti-gay foes might. My article did not cast aspersions on your unique image. Indeed, we side largely with free-speech and pride ourselves on asking provocative, thought-provoking questions by offering a counter-intuitive look at images and issues that people might otherwise take for granted.
Personally, I find images such as yours to be good fun and politically subversive and thus, in good taste and stead and I regret that my use has spoiled this very personal image for you. However, I would like to point out also, that by drawing attention to your work, we may all understand the myriad issues—both positive and negative, both personal and political—that such seemingly fun and innocuous images still engender.
I hope you will accept my apology and that you will contact me directly if you would like to discuss the issue further.
Sincerely,
Daniel Villarreal
Day Editor of Queerty.com
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Dear Daniel
That was lovely and appropriate. Not that you need my approval. But since I was publicly critical of you, I thought I’d also publicly thank you for your honest, thoughtful and respectful response. That doesn’t happen very often in Internet discourse. I’m sure others appreciate it as well.
Peace and HAPPY SAME SEX MARRIAGE ;-)
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Whether it’s matching sleeveless ball gowns to show of your hideous tattoos or rented white polyester tuxedos. The trailer parks are getting hitched. Wearing formal wear to a dingy city hall office proves two things, that you have no taste and you are too cheap to pay for a formal wedding. Shorts and a tank top isn’t appropriate attire either the statement that makes is you don’t think it will last till the water gets hot. Everyone should be able to wear whatever he or she wants (or go completely naked) in a PRIVATE ceremony. But at City hall use some common sense. Exchange wedding cock rings and labia charms at home not in public.
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What about all those hetero couples who are swingers? There have been open marriages for heterosexual couples for years. Right? The rich and powerful men whose wives know that their husbands have mistresses on the side. Look at France’s former president, Francois Mitterand.
Just playing Devil’s Advocate.
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@Tony: Inoits2 is at best a conformist and at worst an assimilationist. He honestly believes that if we strip away all gay culture and start to look like straight people that they will suddenly start loving us. He forgets that the majority of people that fight to deny us our rights don’t give a damn about anything other than that we are different from them. These are the same people that will turn to a fight against Muslims once the gays have all our rights simply because they need something they view as lesser to kick around.
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@Tony: Well we want marriage right? right? Marriage is a hetrosexual institution which we are now a part of ain’t it? We no longer have to carve out our own, we can join the real world. Everyone has a right to be a clown, I just think it makes it a mockery of something we so desperately wanted. I don’t care if some hets choose clown weddings, they don’t represent the vast majority.
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@Daez: I do view islamofacists as less, much less and if you were wise you would to.
The majority is changing their minds about us because they know us, and to know us is to see us as people willing to join in and present ourselves as part of society.
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@inoits2: Thank you for showing your stupidity and bigotry. There are many hard working, decent Musilims in this country and across the world that are not part of any terrorist organization.
Also, you call marriage a “heterosexual institution.” When the fuck did they get to own it. Marriage is constantly evolving. Its simply a word. Its not owned by anyone.
Seriously, you live in such a small box that I’m surprised there is room for your massive ego.
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@Daez: Honey these so called hard working muslims when they are established would slap your ass with Sharia law in an instant and you would be hung in a tree. Yes hets own it because they invented it. We now get to share it.
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@inoits2: You know what, keep your completely closeted life, and don’t even attempt to say you are all out and open, but you have NO right to force your opinions on me. I happen to love gay culture. I love the drag, I love the freedom. I love that we don’t have to conform to what others feel we should behave like.
You sound like a bitter person that has been jaded by the gay community and now sits on the sidelines detesting gay culture simply because you feel unwelcome in it.
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@inoits2: You reek with stupidity. There are plenty of people from every religion that accept gays. Heterosexuals do not own marriage even if they invented the WORD, the concept of two people coming together has always been recognized by both gays and straights (even in Biblical times as evidenced in the Bible).
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@inoits2: You make a mockery of yourself. First you insult drag as a “clown costume” and attack people who would dare get married in it. Then you come out and talk about how you love drag queens.
You detest the counter culture of sexual freedom that many gays are involved in. You think monogamy is the only way to go. You seek to take away personal freedom and choice. In my relationship, I get to choose what the rules are, and as long as my partner (not you) agrees with them then we can do whatever we want. If that be random hook ups with limitations then by all means we can do that. If that be threesomes then that is fair game too.
Life is short, and trust me you don’t want to be 90 and spend the last 20 years of your life in some nursing home. Death is a much better alternative.
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@Daez: I never said people shouldn’t do as they please. You can call me the new homosexual bourgeoisie. I will not argue the evils of islam with sheltered queens that need to investigate what they are supporting.
This all you need to know.
http://www.ukgaynews.org.uk/ar.....y/2101.htm
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@inoits2: Iran is a Muslim nation, but it is NOT representative of all Muslim people. That is like saying that if the Vatican started to stone gays and lesbians that all Catholics everywhere want to as well. Its a bull shit argument.
I’m talking about decent, hard working Americans that embrace the Muslim faith.
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@inoits2: Yes, Muslims will take over American and then its all off with our heads and stuff. How could I be so blind. Seriously dude, the only people that preach that bull shit are fundamentalist Christians that feel the need to be better than everyone else. They are also the ones referring to Islam as a cult.
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@Daez: It is a cult. Christianity is also a cult. The fundie goyim condemn it because they don’t like the competition.
@disco lives: People have a right to protect their images. That’s why professional photographers must always have model and property releases available.
That picture almost made me oppose gay marriage, but then one of the guys in it slams Queerty for using it out of context, and once again I wonder why I come here.
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I am not suprised to find Daniel Villareal’s name on a post that provides ammo to anti-gay forces. It is pretty obvious that he is following a strategy of making a name for himself by posting the most outrageous garbage he can find regardless of how many people he hurts. Truly despicable.
Mr. Collins, please sue him. Taking the photo down does not un-do the original copyright infringement.
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@Turbo: Thanks for catching that. We have changed that image as well. Apologies again to Mr. Collins.
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That is embarrasing. UGH…..