Michael Musto has a new boy crush! His name is Geronimo Frias (makes sense), he’s a go-go dancer (of course), and he’s straight (disappointing).
All the cute boys follow the Village Voice columnist around the clubs, which makes me laugh each time Michael acts demure about whether he’s getting any. But just when Michael sets his sights on someone he wants, it’s a recipe for disaster, as we see in his latest column.
Geronimo: On Halloween, some guy dressed like a pirate tried to stab me in the butt with his sword.
Me: As it were.
Geronimo: I understand that some-times people are just drunk and they don’t know what they’re doing. I did push him off, though.
Me: But in general, do customers show you all sorts of respect?
Geronimo: Some do, some don’t. A lot of them get angry that I’m straight. They get disappointed—or they look at me like, “Yeah, you’re straight now” or “You’re gay for pay.”
Me: [Pause.] Wait—you’re not only straight-edged, you’re actually straight? Isn’t it highly unusual to have a hetero working in a gay bar? Or actually dozens of gay bars?
Geronimo: I thought so, but I found out there’s a lot of straight guys dancing. They say straight, but other people say they’re confused or they might turn over. I’m not gonna turn over.
Me: Neither am I. But are you sure?
Geronimo: I don’t see it happening, but you can never say no. I’ve heard of people going their whole lives and then changing—like the guy from New Jersey [Jim McGreevey]—but I don’t see it happening.
Me: So, do you have a girlfriend?
Geronimo: No. Just a Chihuahua.
Me: So you must go to straight bars all the time to meet people, right?
Geronimo: I try to, but I’m too booked.
Me: So how in tarnation are you going to get a girlfriend?
Geronimo: That’s a good question. I’ve been trying to figure that out for a while.
Me: In the meantime, ahem, are you gay for pay?
Geronimo: No! Dance for pay, yes!
And another chiseled New York dancer boy slides between Michael’s fingers into the ether. But at least he can purchase a pint-size lookalike?