A woman in West Virginia has found herself thrust into the center of a rather precarious situation and she’s seeking the advice of none other than Abigail Van Buren to help figure things out.
“Dear Abby,” the letter begins, “My friend ‘Steve’ is in his mid-20s and became a father a few months ago. He’s happy and excited about it, and he’s good with the baby. He has been living with the mother, ‘Nina,’ who is a few years older, for a while now. Nina is also a friend of mine, and this is her second child.”
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But it seems there’s trouble brewing in paradise.
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The friend continues: “My problem is that Steve told me some time before his son was born that he thinks he is gay. He wants to wait until Nina recovers from the pregnancy and finds a job before he tells her. I know he intends on being as big a part of the child’s life as possible.”
Ruh-roh!
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“As much as I don’t want Nina to be a single mother twice over, it doesn’t seem good for her, Steve or the children to stay in a sham relationship,” the friend writers. “How can he break the news to her in a way that won’t jeopardize his chance to be a father to his son?”
The letter is signed: “Concerned in West Virginia.”
Abby responds: “This will have to be handled delicately because Nina may be clueless about Steve’s sexual orientation. Expect her to be hurt and furious when she gets the news.”
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“It was reckless of Steve to have had unprotected sex with Nina under these circumstances,” Abby continues. “That said, gay men can be great parents, and the focus should be on successful co-parenting of the child.”
Ultimately, she says, Steve has a moral responsibility to his son, and he and Nina will have to find some sort of resolution.
“Gay or straight, Steve will always be that child’s father,” she writes.
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OK, Abby, but that doesn’t really answer the women’s question. How exactly should Steve breaks the news to Nina that he prefers the D?
What advice would you give the young dad? Sound off in the comments section below.
redcarpet30
Easy: Pull the closet case aside and say “Either you tell her or I will. You have a month.”
He’ll fuss and get angry, scared, etc. but once he pulls the bandaid we all know he will be waaay better off.
Thad
This is why you shouldn’t have a baby daddy – you need a HUSBAND. That way you at least have legal protection for yourself and your child. If you can’t get one, birth control and abortion are fine.
Brian
The guy should NOT have to identify as gay. He should be allowed to have homosexual desires mixed with heterosexual ones. He should also be allowed to express those desires verbally. It is NOT anyone’s business to force him to identify as gay or straight or anything in between.
Men are often forced into the “false gay” category by the gay-identifying men and by women. It’s because women and gay-identifying men fear the power of male homosexual desire and its ability to upset women, particularly the political coalition that gay men have formed with women.
Up with male homosexual desire, down with the gay identity movement!!!!!!
Thumbs up to male power through the ability to turn from women to men and then back again!!!!!!
Down with gay-identifying men and their segregationist, closed minds!!!!!!
Brian
Why is the advice in the article framed as if the man is potentially disease-spreading? Women can spread diseases too. They’re not special.
Stached1
@Brian: Very true. A lot of times women have HIV and other STDs and do not even know it. Lesbian and bi women spread common STDs like herpes and HPV to each other a lot.
kurt_t
You know, this whole situation makes me question whether you really DO fall in love with a belly.
Alan down in Florida
Why are we so quick to assume the mother doesn’t know about the baby daddy’s orientation? This could be a planned pregnancy both partners/parents had agreed to in advance.
Chris
To call their having had unprotected sex reckless strikes me as more than a bit irresponsible on Dear-Abby’s part.