A woman suffered quite a shock when she saw what her fiance had been searching for on his phone. Now, she’s seeking counsel from veteran advice columnist Abigail Van Buren.
“Dear Abby,” her letter begins, “I’ve been with my fiance for three years and I’m very much in love. A few months ago I asked to use his phone to look up something on the Internet because my battery had died.”
Related: Why Straight Men Are Acting Way More Gay Than Ever Before
Then the unthinkable happened.
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“It opened up to a gay porn site!” the woman exclaims. “I was shocked and asked him if it was something he was looking at. He admitted that it was.”
Now the woman can’t stop thinking about it.
“Nothing like this has happened to me before,” she panics. “I began asking if that’s what he likes and is into. He assured me the answer was no. He said he looked because he was simply curious about it. He told me he loves women and doesn’t want to be with men. He said he was just looking.”
“I believe him,” the letter concludes, unconvincingly, “but is this normal behavior?”
It is signed “Weirded out in the West.”
In crafting her response, Abby consulted a few of her celebrity friends.
“I took your question to an expert on the subject of adult entertainment viewing,” Abby begins, “Larry Flynt.”
Related: Hetero Guys Open Up About Their Gay Porn Fetishes With Each Other
According to Mr. Flynt, Abby says, curiosity is perfectly normal, though, the porn magnate added, “not many heterosexual men make a habit of viewing gay male porn sites.”
(OK, not to dispute the expert, but we have data that suggests quite a few straight men frequent gay porn sites. But we digress.)
“If your fiancee is a regular consumer of this kind of entertainment,” Abby’s response continues, “he may have latent homosexual tendencies.”
Abby goes on to say that she also spoke to Jack Drescher, M.D., a psychoanalyst and expert on gender and sexuality, who told her “some people fantasize about people of the same sex, but never act on it.”
“According to Dr. Drescher, what is important is that you and your fiancee are able to talk about sex honestly and openly,” Abby writes. “If you need more assurances, continue this discussion so that you both will know what you’re getting if your betrothal leads to marriage.”
Related: Straight Guys Reflect On Those Times They Had Gay Sex
1EqualityUSA
Brian, have you any pearls of wisdom to contribute?
Michael Edmonds
What’s a ” Gay Search” ?
Lemme guess, Broadway info again ?
Paco
The contributor of this piece is obsessed with straight guys gone gay stories. It’s like his fetish goes “straight” into this blog on a daily basis. There must be a weekly quota for these types of stories.
But in response to the story. If he were really hiding something he would have made sure to cover his tracks instead of leaving his browser open to a gay porn site. Does it mean anything? I don’t think so. Nothing wrong with curiosity. I would imagine with all the news about gay rights, many men have taken a look to see what the big deal was about.
GC1985
Straight men don’t look at gay porn with interest. Stop fantasizing over straight men, queerty. It is getting to the level of shameful.
Timothy Herbert
… her weakness, not his.
Josh447
Paco,
I have to agree. In Greek culture it was normal to be married to a woman with a guy on the side and it was accepted. Hard to tell this guys intent with all the homophobia in the world today, but hopefully honesty will win out.
leobaga
Please Queerty, don’t stop posting about straight guy related stories. Just like you, I’m obsessed with straight guys. To each his own.
I’m in a secret relationship with a married straight guy who is also my best friend. No sexual happened between yet but after revealing my love for him last, he’s allowed me to hold his hands. It’s a beautiful thing. I couldn’t be more happier. I didn’t know just holding a guy’s hand would be this too intimate. It’s just an amazing feeling.
What’s even more complicated is that I’m also married to a woman. I love f..king pussy and sucking boobies but I can’t also deny my attraction to straight men. I don’t find gay guys attractive at all and I notice even feminine traits I get repulsed. Again to each his own. I realize now that sexuality is so complex.
Baba Booey Fafa Fooey
@leobaga: You have severe mental problems.
Hussain-TheCanadian
@1EqualityUSA: Don’t judge me Equality but recently I’ve been agreeing with Brain a lot (looking for the Tequila shot).
@leobaga: (Hussain takes another shot of Tequila)
Marky
@Baba Booey Fafa Fooey: Ya’ think?
Hermes
@GC1985: Not true according to the research. By believing that and pushing it out as “the truth” you limit other human beings in ways that perhaps they should not be.
Kind thoughts.
Billy Budd
Who cares if he watches porn, as long as he doesn’t betray her or stop having sex with her? Who cares if he might be Bi? What really matters is the relationship.
Brian
As a gender, women tend to fear the power of male homosexual desire especially if it resides in a man who is also interested sexually in women. It disempowers her. It takes away the one thing that she thinks will control her male – ie her ability to use her sexual wiles to keep him totally dependent on her gender.
AS for porn, porn viewing is not indicative of sexuality. Porn is prostitution, the opposite of true sexuality.
Invert
Dear Fish, don’t worry, your guy ain’t gay. He’s just got an unhealthy fixation on what gay people do. He probably trolls gay people in Queerty, too. He’s just mentally ill.
CCTR
@Invert:LOL!
Paco
@Brian: Or maybe the woman is worried she is wasting her life on a man that is stringing her along until he feels comfortable with coming out. Can you really blame her for wondering if the rug is going to be ripped out from under her and learn her relationship was a lie? You have some really strange ideas about women. Like, otherworldly strange.
For example, you said – “It takes away the one thing that she thinks will control her male – ie her ability to use her sexual wiles to keep him totally dependent on her gender.”
Really?! These men in your fantasy world that are so drawn to the power of male homosexuality are also completely mindless and brain dead to the point that they are controlled against their will by women? Has it ever occurred to you that straight guys love women and are sexually turned on by women and they would choose the ugliest woman left on the planet before even considering approaching your ass? If you want to be a straight man’s replacement for the sex they fantasize about, I suggest you go buy yourself a vag, Brian. Or some medication for your delusions.
CCTR
@Brian: control issue aside, it also presents a realistic fear that she may not be able to sexually satisfy him which could cause problems in the relationship
David Kent
What? He can’t be bisexual?
GC1985
@Hermes: What kind of “research”? Some dumb article on queerty and the insanity that Brian posts? No. Get over your fixation and fantasy of straight men. They don’t want you and never will.
o.codone
@Paco: So, Brian has “otherworldly strange” ideas about women but gay men do not? Gay men are the very definition of misogyny.
And, what’s with all the Freudian “latent homosexual tendencies” bullcrap? The person referenced, Dr. Drescher, is a psychoanalyst, a totally non-credible source for any information and a member of the group who legitimized homophobia. It’s like asking a witch doctor for their professional medical opinion. Freud? Seriously?
Mark Reimer
#DramaQueenMaximus
Paco
@o.codone: Well I am assuming Brian is gay, not that I wish to claim him. Not all of us are misogynists and actually respect women.
Hussain-TheCanadian
@Brian: jesus Christ!!! (Hussain takes a third shot of tequila)
1EqualityUSA
Hussain-TheCanadian, Perhaps it’s time to leave this relationship. Drinking will not solve your dilemma. Friends do not let friends…Brian.
Edison Mite-Roman
zooby
Closet cases and self-hating cowards who drag women (and their kids sometimes) through their problems are pathetic POS and deserve every bit of karma coming back to them.
Brian
The woman has no right to be offended by her boyfriend’s viewing of male homosexual porn – none at all. He hasn’t cheated on her.
She comes across as a selfish, homophobic woman.
NoCagada
@Brian: “She comes across as a selfish, homophobic woman.”
Kind of like…YOU
Jeff Braeger
Bauhaus
As an out bi man married to a gay man, this scenario goes to my core. I have always been honest and open with my sexual partners about my orientation. No secrets, no hiding, no bullshit. They both deserve a life and a sexual relationship based on truth and compatibility.
Hermes
@Hermes: No. I suggest starting with Pathela and others; Sexual Behavior and Self-Reported Sexual Identity; Annals of Internal Medicine, September 2006 – and going from there. I apologize for being misleading, when I say research, I actually know what it is, and mean it.
Regards.