A young man recently wrote into advice columnist Pamela Stephenson Connolly at The Guardian seeking advice on a fetish that he fears will make others think he is a “disgusting freak.”
“I’m a gay man in my early 20s and, for as long as I can remember, my tastes have differed from the norm,” the letter begins. “I have a fetish for bigger guys and I’ve even wanted to gain weight myself to satisfy this.”
Related: Science Confirms The Bigger The Belly, The Better The Lover
The letter continues: “I realize the stigma around obesity and its health implications, and my struggle with this has led me to hide myself away. I fear that others will see me as a disgusting freak.”
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
Of course, chubby chasing is nothing new. Lots of guys are attracted to heavier men and with good reason. A 2014 study found that guys with bigger bellies lasted an average of 7.3 minutes longer in the sack. And let’s not forget last summer’s “dad bod” phenomenon.
“Don’t let the zeitgeist spoil your pleasure,” Connolly, a psychotherapist who specialized in sexual disorders, replies. “You are fortunate that you do not need a ‘ripped’ partner in order to become aroused.”
Related: Beer Bellies Are Now Officially Considered Sexy. You’re Welcome!
“Body-worship is extremely common,” she continues. “It occurs in many forms, with a great deal of cultural variation, and is usually the result of tastes and triggers that begin to form quite normally in childhood. Despite the current fashion for preferring well-toned men, there are plenty of fleshier men around who would love to know that you desired them.”
Connolly goes on to say that being attracted bigger guys does not make a person a “disgusting freak.”
“Each of us has a unique design for arousal and sexual connection,” she concludes, “and yours is far from ‘freakish.’ Please yourself, and be proud.”
Related: Muscle Man Explains Why “Fat Sex” Is The Best Sex And Chubby Chasing Is “As Good As It Gets”
Steven Burr
pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaasssssssseeeeeeeeeeee
LP - Hired Stud
a belly on the right guy with the right attitude can be hot.
Giancarlo85
I don’t think obesity is hot. Obesity is linked with heart disease and diabetes. Diabetes is considered one of the biggest killers in the developed world. This so called professional gave some terrible advice that would put this mans health at risk. He said he wanted to gain weight and she basically endorsed that. Sexual orientation cannot be changed, but tastes change all the time.
Greg Ballard
When your attraction turns into a life controlling fetish it’s time to take stock in your life.
RIGay
@Giancarlo85: I wholly concur!
Robert Barber
No shortage. ..So enjoy.
Ricardo Costa
Ew!
RIGay
@Greg Ballard: Yup.
kernowcraig
@Giancarlo85: YOU could say the same for smokes, people who have unprotected sex, people who use breath control as a fetish, people who EACT BACON. We shouldn’t be encourage someone to be obese, but we shouldn’t discourage someone from seeking out a person they are attracted to.
RIGay
@kernowcraig: I would just question their mental condition. Thankfully, my partner and husband of 16+ years loves me for me (andvisa versa), not for the belly. It’s like men who just like Asians or blondes or gymbots, etc… it’s too superficial.
Mykaels
@RIGay: This!
martinbakman
There are straight dudes that have a thing for plump ladies. Bars hold large ladies night for these guys to get some fun with big chicks. It’s pointless to criticize what they like, though many want to do so.
I’m sorry this gay guy is ashamed of himself. He is what he is.
MinnesotaNotNice
@LP – Hired Stud: Oh yes, absolutely!
Kangol
He shouldn’t feel ashamed because of his attraction to big-bellied men. There certainly are more than enough walking around the US and many countries to satisfy his desires for the rest of his life.
kernowcraig
@RIGay: How is it superficial to be attracted to a type? You’re attracted to everyman you see? I don’t think so! I question the mental condition of someone who makes himself feel good by condemning others lifestyle choices.
MacAdvisor
As a morbidly obese guy, I deeply hope someone gives this lad my phone number.
Skyler Weston Mays
Maybe it reminds him of bacon
Lee Swinney
Men with belly’s are ver sexy. You should never be ashamed to like the kind of man you want to
philbear
More power to this guy.
We are all attracted to different people. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
If you don’t like chubby men then STFU and go look at someone that interests you. No one is forcing you to be in love with a chubby guy.
And those whining and bitch about how unhealthy it is being over weight – well it ain’t your body. If you have a problem with people carrying extra weight get over yourself. Go find yourself a twig to date. Not every big guy stuffs his face all the time and we don’t all eat unhealthy food constantly. Go bug someone else.
If you are attracted to someone then be attracted to them and don’t be ashamed about. Everyone is someone’s reason to masturbate.
vbnudeguy
You’re somebody’s fantasy.
I think men carry weight differently and a bigger guy can be super hot. Personally, I am not attracted to super large guys but I definitely like a little meat on them bones. Muscles can be hot too but even then it can get outlandish.
Healthy is what matters. Big or small, muscly or normal, just be healthy. Oh, and screw anyone who says you’re a freak because you like guys with bellies.
Kernowbear
I’m sorry to say well I’m not sorry . As a chubby guy I pity you skinny mean queens who see us chubby guys as low life forms. Get over you lame self’s . We all have our own taste you have the twins the fems the butch and now we have the chubby the more you guys attack us the more we fight back so just relax . I mean look at Elton John he is a chubby guy and loaded and look at matt Lucas I mean even Alan carr is a chubby chaser . I say if you haven’t tried it don’t push it until you have. So chill.. and eat a burger or pizza or if you don’t eat that’s up to you ..
Giancarlo85
@Kernowbear: oh we eat healthy. We want to live a long and healthy life.
@kernowcraig: This has nothing to do with my comment.
People will go for who they want, but obesity is by far the biggest killer and one we will all pay for with higher insurance premiums.
alphacentauri
ewwww that’s gross. You also have men who are obsessed with gaining as much weight as they can and eating way too much and becoming obese which is equally as gross.
Giancarlo85
@philbear: Okay. When heart disease and diabetes puts more strain on the healthcare system why should I have to pay for that? More of my taxdollars going to someone else’s bad habits. And trust me I am very left wing. Obesity is bad for the collective.
Randy Hudnutt
Over here! Over here!
alphacentauri
@Kernowbear: Elton was thin when he was younger and using lots of cocaine, and he became fat when he got older and switched to alcohol and became an alcoholic, and then later addicted to food and male prostitutes like he is now.
Ryan M Kiernan
Why is that a problem?
JDMotion
Where do all these sad judgy comments come from? Somehow I bet it’s from the same people that want to chastise when people look down at their risky sexual practices. Live and let live. If someone likes a bigger guy then let them enjoy that and keep walking. Not everyone is this gay world of ours is made the same. We all have different taste quirks, loves, attractions etc. Celebrate the fact that we live in a society where we can express these things freely. Some of you expressed concern over obesity like it’s your business. Enjoy what you enjoy and let others do the same no one’s taking anything from you by trying to find what makes them happy. In other words grow up and stop judging people.
Giancarlo85
@JDMotion: Um, when health care costs skyrocket… I think it is my business. And it is EVERYONES business. We are in this together as a society. Unhealthy habits will lead to greater costs on the collective. We’ll all pay for it in the end.
JDMotion
I’m sure. Let me ask you something. What makes you think that everyone that is obese doesn’t actually pay for their healthcare? Better yet let me ask you this. From what I have seen you’re very much in the way trying to exclude someone because they have a belly and all of a sudden to illustrate your point You say, “We’ll all pay for it in the end?” Take a minute for yourself. Think before you write anything and then go back to your fat shaming life.
Alà Dazz
Oh yea , i have a huge beer belly fetina ,lol â?¡.â?¡”/
#LuvMeSumPotBellies!!!^.^”/
Giancarlo85
@JDMotion: Here is the problem with your logic. Obesity is linked with overall increasing health care premiums.
http://stateofobesity.org/healthcare-costs-obesity/
This hurts everyone. I’m not excluding anyone from anything. Who am I shaming? Stop making excuses please.
This has nothing to do with fat shaming. This is just reality.
Obesity costs this country anywhere from $147 billion to $210~ billion per annum. The costs are pushed on everyone.
When you have health care insurance, bad habits increase the costs for everyone. Auto insurance premiums increase if their have been an increase in car accidents (and thus payouts). The same applies to health care insurance.
Poncho Sanchez
@Giancarlo85: Some studies indicate that heavier set people live longer. (see link)
http://healthland.time.com/2013/01/02/being-overweight-is-linked-to-lower-risk-of-mortality/
Actually, I stopped associating slim with health a while back for I noticed it seems to be correlated with negative traits such as narcissism, smoking, steroid and stimulant use. To say that slim is inherently healthy is like saying a football player is inherently healthy…We all know football players have their own particular health issues…cte brain disease.
n900mixalot
@Poncho Sanchez: SPEEEAK!!!
JDMotion
@Giancarlo85: Yet you miss the point. You seem to give obese people a monetary value. What is your argument? Look I get it obese people do mot tickle your fancy because as you perceive it they will cost you money right? Then don’t do it move on but dont tell people its unhealthy because they like what they like. Look as adults we have the right to he with who we want to right? We can sleep with who we want to. Love who we want to. We shouldnt concern ourselves with what orhers are doing. You want a healthy partner more power to you because I’m not gonna live your life for you. Get it?
Alan David Smith
truth is not everyone is sexxxy in the same way. i am on 2 bear sites. and theres a guy on them and his pic is hot. he is almost completely clothed except for his bare feet. not something i would generally go for and yet on him its hot. the only real problem will occur if you make a physical attribute a requirement and claim your looking for love.i like redheads fireman hockey players and guys in suits. but that will get my attention first. no guaruntee it can keep it. good luck in finding what your looking for
Giancarlo85
@Poncho Sanchez: That study is bogus. And I never said being slim is linked with being healthy. Those who are overweight and obese are not healthier and do not live longer though. You made some ridiculous assertions about slim people. The studies and links I have posted show that being heavy set and obese is not healthier and they do not live longer.
@JDMotion: We shouldn’t concern ourselves with what others are doing? This is where you missed the point. If we followed your attitude, we will crumble as a collective.
It is hilarious how some are already attacking slim guys and linking that with narcissism, steroid use and other negative traits, while demanding respect for heavy set and obese people. And using some dubious study that isn’t repeated anywhere else and goes up against what thousands of medical and scientific findings? Sure keep at it.
Giancarlo85
@Poncho Sanchez: I looked more into that study. There aren’t some that say that. That is the only one. Flagel has been panned by other researchers for her dubious methods and conclusions. The study is considered an outlier, as just about every other study says otherise. Picking one outlier of a study and then viciously attacking people who normal BMI does not help your case.
JDMotion
@Giancarlo85: No that is exactly my point we shouldn’t be judging other people by what they like. Some people are into bigger guys and others are not. We should live and let live concern yourself with what you personally like. I don’t think you want someone telling you who to date do you?
You pass judgement easily on obese people like you know what their personal life is like. You don’t know their circumstances and you sure don’t know if they pay their medical bills or not. You try to hide your argument behind some statistic about health but there are a lot of other reasons health care prices may be on the rise. I’m not passing judgement on skinny people. I think we should all learn to accept all types of people into our lives and date who we want to date without scrutiny. That is my point….
Poncho Sanchez
@Giancarlo85: It’s not just a study, it is a meta study, meaning they reviewed several publications and came to the conclusion. The naysayers to the conclusion sound suspiciously like the same crowd that went around saying low carb/high protein diets are a fraud, and can’t be right. The medical establishment now has to reluctantly acknowledge that low carb isn’t so bad after all….I imagine eventually the medical establishment will have accept that some extra weight isn’t so bad either.
Giancarlo85
@Poncho Sanchez: That makes it even less credible, not more credible. It comes to a complete faulty conclusion that being overweight is healthier, when it clearly is not. The conclusions were panned, and to dismiss those who are naysayers seems to indicate you have a different motive.
@JDMotion: Where am I passing judgments? You seem to be replying to something I never wrote. Please read my posts a bit more carefully before replying. I always maintained people have a right to have whatever tastes they want, but I am discussing that obesity is a number one killer in this country.
There are many reasons why health care prices may rise, but the obesity epidemic is by far the largest. And obesity is linked to far shorter life expectancies, greater rates of heart disease and diabetes.
Dennis L Norris
Yes, I always thank the Good Lord for the abundance of “chasers” and “admirers”!
GayEGO
As they say, you cannot argue taste.
Giandorko86
If you’re attracted to it go after it u only live once
Stefano
https://www.mcgill.ca/newsroom/channels/news/obesity-may-shorten-life-expectancy-8-years-240578
Ricochet
I’ve always been into short, chubby nerdy guys. Didn’t know that’s freaky. Srsly, fuck this body fascism.
Saint Law
@Giancarlo85: Yeah, but for you ‘obesity’ means forty kilos.
Which must be tough given you’re obviously fat enough to have your own gravitational field.
Saint Law
@Giandorko86: I just unscrolled the whole thread and again I have to express my admiration at how dexterous those fat fingers of yours are.
Unless you’re using one of those speak-type programmes. That’s it, isn’t it?
orfunnyhaha
Does a backlash surprise anyone this site, which is really is the equivalent of Tiger Beat Magazine?