Although Apple has been highly secretive about what new conveniences the iPhone 7 will offer, rumor has it the upcoming model will be studded with several exciting new features, and publications are scrambling to figure out just what they are.
On the heels of the projected product launch (September 16), here are the top 10 game-changing features we’d most like to see:
1. Face recognition, followed by fierce read
2. “Vibrate” now equipped with three settings: “Easy Does It,” “There You Go,” “E.R.”
3. Watersport-proof design
4. Charges by inserting USB Cord into unusually strong Flirtini
5. Flummoxed Bea Arthur hologram shakes you awake each morning
6. Slammed twice against your hip, it becomes a tambourine
7. Siri replaced with SRSLY (bitchy gay P.A.) and Surly (angry dyke P.A.)
8. Super app that combines all dating apps into one to avoid the feeling of desperation that comes with rapidly switching between grindr, scruff and tinder at 2am
9. A side-facing camera for perfectly capturing side-eye
10. “Apple slay” — it’s like apple pay, but for tipping drag queens
Jack Meoff
This would be one of those articles that falls into the category of ‘how is this gay news’. I get my tech news from other sources.
apexa79
well I enjoyed this – always nice to start the morning off with a funny and witty article 😉
Jack Meoff
@apexa79: Was it funny?
emrah_sarar
sesli chat
seslikal
Derek de Koff
@Jack Meoff: You tell us, Jack Meoff.
JodyBoy
I was hoping for more.
Jack Meoff
@Derek de Koff: More trite than funny.
zipperzone
You think this was funny?
Don’t give up your day job.