TAKE HEED

‘Sup Bro: Eight Things Gay Men Need Straight Dudes To Know

The chasm that has divided homo and hetero men seems to be closing fast. Straight dudes are opening up about the subject of anal play, and gay/straight bromances — not to mention cross-sexuality cuddling — are becoming increasingly popular. Still, there’s work to be done.

One can never have too many friends. We’re totally happy to open up our social circles and welcome males of the opposite sexuality into our folds, provided we’re all on the same page.

Here are eight things we’d like our straight brethren to know before we take our relationships to the next level:

8. No, we don’t all want to sleep with you.

Do you want to bed every woman you lay eyes on? Probably not. The same goes for us. Just because you happen to have a penis doesn’t mean we’re the least bit interested in getting naked with you. While there are certainly some gay guys who see it as a challenge to seduce “straight” men, the vast majority of us prefer hooking up with our own kind, especially since straight men don’t always seem to understand the definition of hygiene. After all, why would we want to sleep with someone who doesn’t want to sleep with us?

Paranoia-resized

7. And, no, we’re not checking out your ass.

So stop acting all suspicious. Your insecurity is very unbecoming. Honestly, we were just trying to read the designer label on your jeans.

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6. OK, maybe we’re checking out your ass.

But, really, who cares? So long as it’s all look and no touch, what’s the big deal? You check out women’s asses all the time. Hell, you may have even checked out a few men’s asses in the past. (For comparison purposes only, of course!) The bottom line: We’re taking a brief moment to admire your donque. Be flattered. Then see #8 again.

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5. Please don’t call us “bro.”

You may call us “man.” You can even call us “dude.” But please, for the love of Jesus, refrain from saying “‘Sup, bro” then offering us a fist bump. It’s just awkward.

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4. Some of us enjoy watching sports.

As someone whose boyfriend is obsessed with football, I’m often dragged to sports bars whenever there’s a big game. Nine times out of 10, the moment we first step in through the door, we’re met with sideways glances from other bar patrons who seem confused as to what the hell a gay couple is doing there. We’re there for the same reason you are: To drink cheap beer and watch the game.

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3. It’s OK if you like “gay” things.

We see you tapping your foot under the table to that Madonna song we selected on the jukebox. It’s OK if you want to get up and groove to the music. We won’t judge you. We know Madonna’s tunes are totally infectious. We discovered her, after all. And we’re more than happy to share our queen with you.

2. Nobody will think you’re gay if you talk to us.

And if they do, who cares?

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1. Sure! We’d love to grab a beer some time.

On a strictly platonic basis, of course.

Related stories:

10 Totally Obnoxious Things You Have To Be Gay To Fully Understand

Why Straight Girls Who Hang Out In Gay Bars Can Be A Big Problem

Don’t Be That Gay: The 10 Most Obnoxious Types Of Homosexual Men

 

Graham Gremore is a columnist and contributor for Queerty and Life of the Law. Follow him onFacebook and Twitter.

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38 Comments

  • restoretherainbow

    Yes, we need more articles like this. It’s quite unnerving when as a Gay man I’m friendly to non-Gay men who then think I’m flirting or hitting on them. It blows my mind that that is where they go first, the thought of of friendship is second to ruling out being a sexual predator. And it’s usually the not very attractive guys! Great, funny read!

  • Trippy

    I think the reason (some) straight men are so fearful of befriending gay men is out of fear that a gay man will do to him what he does to women: ogle, flirt, sometimes harass, and occasionally seduce. They don’t like to be reminded of their own bad behavior. Imagine, if you will, how a construction worker who whistles at / harasses passing women would feel if a group of gay men did that to him. Yeah, he’d be pissed, and yet he still does it to women.

  • onthemark

    It’s a relief to see this, since sometimes the Queerty staff seems so obsessed with straight guys!

    My only quibble is #5 – “bro” with a fist bump? – kind of charming IMHO.

  • stranded

    @onthemark: I agree. I do the fist bump all the time, it replaces the handshake with acquaintances. There’s nothing wrong for a man to be called bro. Its a male to male endearment. To be against it encourages the idea that we’re womanish, since that’s a woman’s complaint. Its counterproductive especially when it leads up to number 4, gays do like sports.

  • martinbakman

    Exactly. Strangers would shake hands but friends can use the fist bump. That would seem like a good indication the straight dude is cool.

  • Daniepwils

    I don’t worry about any of this crap. Most of my best buds are straight (play rugby together). We share rooms, beds when we travel. There has never been an issue. They like me for me, not who I sleep with. I know they are straight so why put the moves on them? They know this and don’t care that I am gay. I guess I have cool friends who just don’t care…

    The funny thing is, is they know more about fashion than I do (I guess from their girlfriends). I am probably one of the few gay men who doesn’t care what I wear when I am not working. I have to wear a suit and tie everyday at the office. When I am not working I try to wear shorts, tshirt and flipflops as much as possible.

    The best thing about being gay with a bunch of straight friends is when we go out and for some reason the women hit on me more often than most of them and it is kind of funny. Some women will get so pissed off when they find out I am gay others want me to be their best friend…

  • pressuredrop

    “Bro” is annoying because it’s overly familiar. Like, no, you’re not my “bro”.

    Maybe there’s a generation about ten years above mine that uses it a bit more generally or something, but whenever somebody my generation calls me “bro”, it’s ALWAYS because they think I’m some quasi-frat douchebag like them, and they want me to fall into their macho fold and agree with everything they say. It’s just another way of encouraging men to think in groups instead of by themselves.

    There’s really nothing about it that has to do with gayness, though. I think if I were straight, I would probably still hate it for the same reason.

  • DarkZephyr

    I don’t mind being called “bro” by a man, straight or gay most of the time. What I DO personally detest is when a gay or bi man that is trying to get into my pants calls me “dude” or “bro”. If we are possibly about to f*ck (or if that is at least your goal), I ain’t your “bro”. And “dude” isn’t very romantic or sexy in those situations in my personal opinion.

  • enlightenone

    #3 – Gay/SGL Brothas share their divas with our hetero/”straight” Brothas: Diana Ross, Patti LaBelle, Arthea Franklin, Whitney Houston, Gladys Knight, Dionne Warwick, Janet Jackson, Toni Braxton, Maryjane B., Mariah Carey, and a few others! In addition, I personally love Streisand, Bette Midler, and Modonna!

    #5 – Brothas don’t have a problem with it! Now, back to #8.

  • Beachhouse

    I honestly hate when gays say “bro” “dude” or “man”. I dont know, it just doesn’t fit with who we are. Yes, there’s some very masc gay who pull it off, but 3/4 of us don’t.

  • RichieRichRocks

    I think so much of the interaction between gay and straight guys is generational. I’m a 20 year old gay college student in Los Angeles. I’ve share my dorm room with a straight guy since starting college over two years ago. We cuddle all the time and sometimes fall asleep in each others arms. We even sometimes give each other massages. He thinks nothing of putting his arm around me while we’re walking on campus. We’re best friends. He even knows that I think he’s hot and is just flattered by it instead of being all paranoid. He likes my hair and will sometimes run his fingers through my hair for a half houe straight while watching TV. I don’t think the same thing would happen between guys even 10 years ago. I’m glad that I live at a time where being gay isn’t a big issue to me.

  • adventuretime

    Who is this article for? I mean…I highly doubt there are many straight men reading this website in the first place. So…are you telling gay men things straight men need gay men to know? Because..that seems really weird.

    I guess there’s always sharing/re-posting, though…

  • adventuretime

    @adventuretime: Ugh. I messed up. I meant, are you telling gay men things gay men need straight men to know. Which seems strange.

    But I just woke up and words are hard. Forgive meeeee

    P.S. Why can you not delete/edit posts?

  • Elloreigh

    I take issue with #5. I see nothing wrong with people – straight, gay, or whatever – calling each other “bro” or offering a fist bump. Neither one is the exclusive property of male heterosexuality. They’re just symbolic expressions of camaraderie. If they make you uncomfortable, that’s your own hangup, not some standard that everyone else has to adhere to.

    As for #3 – I like some of Madonna’s work, but I do not recognize her as royalty, gay or otherwise. She’s in an elite group of entertainers, sure. But she’s not a “gay thing”. Moreover, I’m not a fan of the idea that things having nothing at all to do with sexual orientation are somehow the cultural property of gay people – or of heterosexuals – merely because some writer (and I use the term loosely), thinks so.

  • enlightenone

    @Trippy: Spot on!

  • enlightenone

    @Daniepwils: Even more to your friends credit and mine is that they are MATURE/evolved!

  • teddy55

    It’s amazing to me how many gay people are guilty of generalizing. We are oppressed by society because they lie about us and then generalize that we are all exactly the same. I don’t mind being called bro, and I don’t mind fist bumping. Gay people are just as diverse as society as a whole.

  • enlightenone

    @DarkZephyr: That’s “GAY4PAY” tired dialogue to “prove” they are “straight” while they have a dick in their ass, and in between, a dick going in and out of their mouths, just before cum is splattered on their face! I know, totally out of character for me.

  • spiffy

    I am old… When did the “dude” culture get replaced by the “bro” culture?

    Oh, that’s right, they’re the same.

    This article could have been written ten/twenty years ago and everything would still be pretty much on point. Does this mean the straight guys haven’t evolved much, or these phenomenons will always exist no matter the generation?

  • jeffsmith60

    Are there any country divas? I always thought Jessica Simpson had some potential there.

  • JustaThought

    I have a straight ‘Bro’ and yes, we call each other Bro, fist bump, hug, and yes, kiss! Not a sexual kiss, but a ‘between friends kiss’.
    He’s as straight as they come. I honestly believe that an uber straight guy is less worried about gay/straight friendships that those guys that might have a question or three about their own sexuality.

  • enlightenone

    @jeffsmith60: You definitely have your own definition of a “diva!”

  • NoCagada

    @jeffsmith60: Yeah, esp since she says she brushes her teeth only a couple days a week

  • jeffsmith60

    Seriously? Madonna only bathes once a week when she tours.

  • jeffsmith60

    Sorry, I forgot about Dolly, who once entered a drag show and lost.

  • Mikah

    Here’s one more that straight men need to know.

    #9.Just Stop being a moron.

    Because,Straight guys are just beyond ridiculous most of the time.

  • 4of14

    #4 There is no way anyone can tell if you are gay or straight, when you walk into a sports bar full of men. Start kissing, and they might have a clue.
    #3, #2, #1 : You have just shown your age, and more then likely discredeted this (hole) piece. Better luck, next time.

  • Curtispsf

    I wonder what the world’s going to be like down the road when this gay/straight division fades away and people are judged on the content of their character and who they sleep with is only important to the actual parties. I got a call from an old high school friend. We used to fuck when we were both 17 and we did a few 3 ways with him and another straight guy and a women; Bot was totally fine with man on man sex with me….I was fluid back then and slept with boys and girls. Eighteen years later and ring ring ring, Rob’s on the phone checking in with “How has life turned out for you?” Me, I’ve been exclusively gay for 15 years and Rob has had a girl friend with whom he’s been monogamous for 14 years.

    I told him I thought he was gay..him being straight surprised me. We were both very comfortable talking with each other. His take was that for younger people sexual identity is a lot more fluid and that he could have just as easily had a homosexual identity and relationship if he had met the right person. He didn’t like labels and didn’t consider himself “bi” at any point in time but seemed to be saying that he didn’t discount the possibility of having a homosexual relationship with a guy.

    To him the most important thing in terms of the relationships he had was “WHO THAT PERSON WAS – the content of their soul and not their gender or sexual preference. He fell in love with a straight women so he had a heterosexual relationship with her. They will be visiting in a few months and his girlfriend has already said the he and I should spend the night together alone. I think this bodes well for the future as people can feel free to be who they are with fear of judgement and opprobrium. Young people are the future and dinosaurs just need to die.

    • enlightenone

      @Curtispsf: So you wrote an essay to tell us your bro is Bi?

  • Paco

    #8 is highly questionable. Just read the first paragraph of the article and then scan the vast pages of articles here devoted to sexualizing straight guys. We know the truth, no need to pretend otherwise.

  • AJAnders

    There’s nothing awkward about being called bro. If anyone wants to call me that, that’s fine. Nothing wrong with a fist bump either.

  • patriotsfanjuan

    These are all thing at one point or another that I have told my male friends.

    I use bro myself as well as dude and man only because it is all I know. 97% of my friends are straight. I mainly go out to straight bars and clubs. I have a great time too and dance with the girlfriends, wives, and even the men once all drunk of course.

    I have become the “Does this look good on me” because they do not believe the wife/girlfriend will be honest and a gay man likes to dress well. We have had “bro-dates” where we go out for a few drinks, go see some raunchy comedy and beers after though I drink alcohol you know that beer is carbs and bloat.

    My oldest and dearest friend is a Marine Vet who in High School was my bully at first. We love each other and are not afraid to tell each other. Hell I will get a text from him once in a while wishing me a good day or something followed with an I love you. It is the second best feeling to my husband who obvi is first.

    #4 however I have felt the opposite. I am comfortable at a straight bar watching football never made to feel otherwise. Matter of fact they all love it that a gay guy is watching sports. On the occasion I have been at a gay bar and a game I want to watch is on will request a TV with the game. Then I get the “You know this is a gay bar” or “Sports? Eww go to a straight bar” so in a place I should feel comfortable to be in because I am gay I am made to feel unwanted because I love football.

    • enlightenone

      @patriotsfanjuan: “…because I am gay I am made to feel unwanted because I love football.” A bit mellow dramatic, but I can relate to the rest of your story!

  • Jason b.

    @patriots – I suspect your a bit younger than me and I have always been into straight activities (football, fishing, guns etc), and used to find it difficult to do these activities with gay guys. Nobody was intereste. That’s not the case, as much, anymore. Half of my closest and oldest friends are straight and sometimes I feel their more comfortable with the situation than I am. When I told my roommate and BFF in college after I graduated I am Gay, he said why didn’t you hit on me, kind of offended. I didn’t want to tell him I wasn’t really attracted.

    I listen to the “bro” thing at the gym. Sometimes I think it’s code for, “I am straight and I really don’t want to be considered homo”. I don’t mind when guys say it, I just think it’s a bit immature sounding. We didn’t say that in the 80s. I think dude was around but we kind of made fun of guys who said that at my Frat. We made it something rediculous, “hot rod”. It was standard to assume if you called the other person Dude, you didn’t know the others name and that wasn’t a good thing. If you had not met the person you introduced yourself. Mom and dad gave us names for a reason.

    This was a funny article keep these kind coming.

  • patriotsfanjuan

    @ Jason B. I have no shame in saying I am 42. I wish that was not the case as far as things changing some. My husband and I wanted to do a joint birthday “fun day” and decided to go canoeing down an 8 mile river. NONE of the gay guys I invited wanted to join (too hot, too dirty, eww this, eww that) and the straight friends I invited all showed up. This also goes for beach, state park, or any activity that I plan out doors and during the day. My gay friends just don’t want to participate.

    I don’t drop the bro as much as I do “Dude” for same reason growing up in the 80s

    Funny enough though my best friend that I wrote about. He had given me a place to stay and helped me get a job where he worked when I moved here. That year on New Years Eve some of us went to happy hour to start off New Years. Someone brought up the “who do you have a crush on at work” game. Which off the bat as the only gay guy there I was said not fair so I refused to answer. On the way home he said it was him and he knew I did not want to say. When I said no it was the operations manager he was offended. But in my defense he was a hot built Italian beefcake so my friend did not stand a chance. My friend was cute but he was my friend and now my brother.

  • patriotsfanjuan

    @Daniepwils:

    I reads your and laughed. I am the same also I have no sense of fashion and will try to wear shorts and flip flips. I am asked on fashion advice and can tell someone they look good but for the life of me I can’t pick mine out.

    My male friends have actually used me as a pick up weapon as it disarms women when you tell them you are gay and then you can introduce my straight friend to them whom I talked up.

  • topaz

    @adventuretime:

    I’m a straight male and I’m reading this.

    I saw this article on Huff Post and it seemed interesting.

    • enlightenone

      @topaz: So are you just going to observe or are you willing to contribute to the social discourse?

Comments are closed.