Disney princes were recently outed on Grindr, much to the excitement of our 12-year-old-selves. We were absolutely thrilled to learn that Prince Eric is a “dom top into water sports” and that Prince Charming has a foot fetish. This got us thinking about how to approach guys on Grindr, and what the best and worst strategies are for successfully landing a “date.”
Related: All Your Childhood Disney Classics Have Been Outed On Grindr
First impressions are important. Especially when it comes to hooking up, er, dating. There’s a right way and a wrong way to strike up a conversation on Grindr. “Hey,” “Howdy,” or “How’s it going?” are usually good icebreakers, except to the guys who declare in their profiles “Please have something more to say that ‘Hey,'” for whom you will have to be somewhat more creative. Or just move along because, really, who cares?
Scroll down for how not to hit on a guy on Grindr…
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Related: 13 Guaranteed Ways To Fail At Picking Up Someone Up At A Bar From A Castro Bartender
Carter McCallister
Chris Brooks ð???
James Nyreen
Jacob W. Wilson
TinoTurner
I love the guys who send you their location…I wonder, has that EVER worked to get a guy.
NateOcean
One of my favorites (which, sadly, I get too many of lately), is:
“Are you generous?”
Often I reply: “I’ve got 8-inches; is that generous enough?
Sometimes they are just more to the point: “$$$ Generous $$$ ???”
dannyal
some of these examples are hilarious even if some of them are made up. i got a really good chuckle reading them. lol
Rishji
The requests for money have stopped since I started my profile with, “Don’t ask for money for me and I won’t charge your for my years of experience.” But I still get a picture of a beautiful dick, then the question, “Do you ever help a boy out?” to which I send a copy of my old, beat up wallet with no credit cards and the bill section empty and reply “Do you every help an old guy out?”
Ladbrook
Ugh. Makes me long for the old, and now closed, neighborhood gay bars: cruising, dancing with friends, beer-goggle hookups at 2am, exchanging of phone numbers, waking up with a stranger in your bed whose name you can’t remember, etc….
The good old days.
notevenwrong
If you are the kind of idiot who posts pictures on Grindr with a friend in it, you totally deserve that response.
Glücklich
@Rishji:
Excellent. Love it.
BriBri
Don’t be over 25.
Doughosier
I too miss the gay bar days. You know who you’re hooking up with in person!
cumchucks
I detest the douchebags who post pics of themselves on Grindr with a girl or girls in the photo. Talk about a bonerkiller!!! Ugh.
Stache99
@Rishji: Stop responding to kids then. Simple.
AtticusBennett
it also helps to say something interesting in your message, perhaps referencing something specific in the guy’s profile or photo. you know. the “hi hello was sup not much cool so now what?” dance is boring. if you can’t get what you think you want out of grindr, try doing it differently.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1c3fviN1hO0
Glücklich
@Doughosier:
I didn’t know those days had ended. But I tend to do more hooking up at industry events than gay bars anymore.
Cseanr
I am so ashamed to be part of the gay community. We’ve progressed so far in the country, but yet the focus is still on promiscuity, discrimination within our community, lack of respect for the older generation that has paved the way, the younger generation that is only looking for self gratification, and both generations focused on who’s the next lay for the night, as well as many, many other reasons. To use the word pathetic is saying it lightly.
This is why I have been celibate (by choice) for two and half years because I deserve the very best, and I know I will not find it within our community. Truly ashamed and sad.
Jacob23
It’s nauseating reading through that. It’s a totally cold and degrading vibe. And the Grindr wins aren’t all that different from the Grindr fails. The wins are more adept in negotiating the hookup than the fails, but fundamentally, they are all about the same thing: the hunt for a piece of meat to rub against. I can’t understand how anyone could look at this cesspool and think, “Yes, this is what I need in my life.”
DavidIntl
@BriBri: Yeah, I love that phrasing. If a profile says “don’t be a jerk” I can do that. But the ubiquitous “don’t be over 25” or “be around my age”? I will give anything to the guy who shows me how to do that…
Rishji
If love it when a list of things, such as “be polite,” “be funny”, “be intelligent,” and “be sexy” is followed by “be yourself.” What is my true self is desperate to be be loved and molds itself to fit in?
Glücklich
@DavidIntl:
So dumb. Were I to do Grindr I’d be, like, don’t be under 40, maybe 45. I want grown-ass men, not someone fresh out of school.
Actually, I take that back. As I do in real life, when I feel like it, I scan my surroundings for MEN, not little boys. I doubt I’d put an age constraint in writing but I have said to young guys “Oh, thank you, but I think I’m too old for you.”
DavidIntl
@Glücklich: It is fine to have your preference for older guys, Glücklich. My life would be much simpler if I shared that preference. But we can´t change who we are attracted to, and in my case it is very much those naturally smooth college boys.
sportyguy1983
It is Grindr (a site for Hooking up for sex) and not match.com so anyone expecting deep and intellectual discussions are idiots.
ralrod13
Grindr is sad and pathetic. I don’t use it or ever will. It’s sad that that’s all we ever think about in our community…the next hook up. We don’t need apps to meet guys for sex. Try to throw yourself out there and if sex happens good for you! Don’t be so desperate to hook up. It’s pathetic. I met a guy at a bar the other night and we swapped numbers. He asked me why I’m not on Grindr like its a requirement lol
Avery Alvarez
To the church one, I would have responded, “but I’m over 18. What could you possibly want from me?”
Finrod
@Cseanr: “I deserve the very best, and I know I will not find it within our community.”
Don’t half fancy yourself, do you?
Why is the gay media full of complaints from gay men who are convinced that they and they alone are the only nice guy on earth and that every single other gay man is an evil pig slut from hell? It really just makes you look like a delusional whiner.
Glücklich
@ralrod13:
I get asked that about Feltchbook. “Because I’m a grown up. I keep in touch with people via a nice hand-written letter.” I enjoy writing letters.
silveroracle
I usually get, “Hey” to which I reply,”is for horses”
Or a spambot which seems to be doing the rounds at the moment.
joe
somehow i think that when comparing the amount of guys on these sites that very few guys at all hook on these sites. i think the vast majority just look at profiles, trade pictures and chat. ive never hooked up and have been on one major site for years. its just a way to chat with other gay guys i think
onthemark
@Finrod: LOL – Cseanr sounds like quite a catch. Too bad he’s celibate, huh?
And it’s funny there are SO MANY OF THEM but they all think they are the only one. If only they could all get together in real life and pair off. Except none of them are good enough for each other?
Geoff B
@Ladbrook: You just got me all sentimental. That’s exactly how I met my husband. In a straight bar no less. It’s been 10 years now. If this type of thing works for some people, more power to them, but I’m glad I’ve not been single since before this ever existed.
Glücklich
@onthemark:
Some folks haven’t learned to manage their expectations. There is no perfect. If my picky, difficult ass can land a husband, especially when I wasn’t looking for one, anyone can do it.
Just dig a deep hole, cover with twigs and leaves…
catsura
I like this one
Them : Are you hung?
Me : Hung, what is hung to you?
Them: 8 +
Me: Oh, well I wont fold it half for you
onthemark
@Glücklich: Ha. And I thought for a long time maybe I had unrealistic expectations just for wanting a gay guy who didn’t smoke cigarettes! They seem to be quite uncommon and it took awhile, but I finally found one.
Guys like Cseanr seem to think heterosexuals (and maybe lesbians) are totally normal and have no problems finding a suitable mate, and only gay men have problems in that area. (Because we’re slutty, of course.) Which is, as Finrod says, “delusional.”
But Cseanr’s statement “I deserve the very best” puts him into the upper stratosphere of delusional. I hope he has a therapist!
enfilmigult
Question for guys who use Grindr from someone who doesn’t (haven’t been single since apps like this blew up): do guys use this even if they’re out at a bar or something? Like, they see a good-looking guy across the room and instead of walking over just whip out their phones and look for their profile?
Glücklich
@enfilmigult:
Curious about that, too. Would explain the increasing idiocy/unemployability of the younger set.
enfilmigult
@Glücklich: No idea about what the younger set is like I’m afraid, ha ha. Just curious. At some points in my past I’d have been timid and passive-aggressive enough to do that probably, I was just wondering if it was a thing.
AtticusBennett
@Cseanr: i think it’s far more likely that your miserable, bitter anti-gay and decidedly-conservative view on sexuality is why you’re “celibate”. and it’s likely hardly by choice.
guys like you posit yourselves as “too good for everyone else” and the reality is usually the exact opposite.
you know what the elder gays also worked for? sexual liberation, so guys like you wouldn’t need to whinge and whine through life, miserable that others’ embrace their sexual selves while you sit there judging them for it.
Lvng1Tor
Fist to @Cseanr: HA! I know men like you…”I deserve the best” you might as well say “I’m the black hole of emotional need and will suck the life out of you…LOVE ME” HA!
Ok..now onto these grindr conversations…funny. I have friends with experiences like this.
I haven’t been on Grindr for a couple years and when I was only for a few months. I found it tedious. Going around and around and around with someone who was always looking for something they wanted more before going through with meeting. For me I’d rather have gone out to a bar or meet people in person and see where it goes. I’m in a happy relationship now so for us grindr is useless. I’m also HIV+ and it was noted after my name by a (+) and in my profile. I also would tell someone in the conversation just so there were no surprises. I got so much nasty hate from guys. Then there were the trolls who would hit me up and say the most awful things.
I am on Scruff for the non prof I work for to offer resources and referrals to gay/bi men in my area and it is stated very plainly not only in my screen name but also the profile. I still get tons of d!ck pics and asked if I’m horny, wanna meet etc. but I’ve also had some great conversations with some of those people and have helped them find resources they need or wanted and didn’t know where to look.
Needless to say hook-up apps aren’t my cup of tea. If you enjoy it then more power to ya…
PamelaMcIntosh1234
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Johnathan
ADD NAUSEAM