WORDS TO REMEMBER

12 of Michelle Bachmann’s Nuttiest Antigay Quotes

Michele Bachmann

Michele Bachmann isn’t gone yet, but it’s never too soon to look back on the rich legacy she leaves behind as she retires as the President of Crazyland. She has created a new form of English, in which syntax is, to put it kindly, flexible, but it’s the heartfelt content of her remarks that we went looking for. Michele being Michele, we had an embarassment (and that is the word) of riches to choose from. There are plenty more to be had, but here is a list of some of her nuttiest anti-gay remarks.

“It worked before and what it says is the issue of sexuality is one that doesn’t come up and people aren’t allowed to be open about it because the United States military, it’s not a social experiment.” Michele on why she would reinstate Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell despite the considered opinion of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, the (Republican) Secretary of Defense and just about anyone else who knows anything.

Michele Bachmann

“And I took a walk and I just went to prayer and I said Lord, what would you have me do in the Minnesota state senate? And just through prayer I knew that I was to introduce the marriage amendment in Minnesota.” Michele on how God personally phoned her to tell her to introduce an anti-marriage equality bill in the Minnesota legislature.

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“Help! I’m being held against my will.” Michele’s perfectly rational response when two women run into her in a ladies’ room and ask her about her position on LGBT rights. In addition to her cry for help, Michele files a complaint with the police alleging, according to the police report, “she had no idea what those two women were going to do to her.” The county prosecutor refuses to press the charges, realizing that constituents have a right to talk to a politician.

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“I had high heels on and I just couldn’t stand anymore. I was not in the bushes.” Michele is noticed skulking around the greenery at a 2005 gay rights rally. She insists she isn’t hiding in the bushes, but admits she was scoping the event out because “I was going to be a focus of the rally.” Which is worth wearing heels for.

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“They can get married, but they abide by the same law as everyone else. They can marry a man if they’re a woman. Or they can marry a woman if they’re a man.” Michele’s cogent explanation as to why we don’t need marriage equality. We already have it!

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“Any of you who have members of your family in the lifestyle, we have a member of our family that is [lesbian]. This is not funny. It’s a very sad life. It’s part of Satan, I think, to say that this is gay.” Michele’s idea of building family relationships by publicly trashing her lesbian stepsister, Helen LaFave. LaFave wrote a letter to her stepsister  telling her, “You’ve taken aim at me. You’ve taken aim at my family.” Helen gets no response.

Michele Bachmann

“Very effective way to do this with a bunch of second graders, is take a picture of The Lion King for instance, and a teacher might say, ‘Do you know that the music for this movie was written by a gay man?’ The message is: I’m better at what I do, because I’m gay.” Michele on how 7-year-olds are desensitized to the horrors of homosexuality by viewing Disney cartoons.

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“[P]eople who are practicing pedophiles would be considered protected under this legislation, but not, I understand, veterans, not, I understand, pregnant women, not, I understand, 85-year-old grandmothers would be protected under this law. But who would be protected? A pedophile, someone who considers themselves gay, someone who considers themselves transgender, someone who considers themselves a cross-dresser? That is who is protected.” Michele expressing concern on the rash of granny bashing that will follow if hate-crimes legislation passes.

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“My husband is not running for the presidency, neither are my children, neither is our business, neither are our foster children…” Michele on why she didn’t have to talk about the  ex-gay therapy business her husband Marcus runs. Unfortunately, she never commented on the kind of First Lady Marcus would have made.

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“I would like to see the lack of demonization for those of us who stand on sincerely held religious beliefs. It’s overdue. That’s where you see the demonization of people who stand on their beliefs.” Michele claiming the victimhood trophy for all the homophobes like her.

Michele Bachmann

“This may be an opportunity for her now to be open to some spiritual things, now that she is suffering with that physical disease. She is a lesbian.” Michele’s idea of a get-well message to Melissa Etheridge upon her breast cancer diagnosis.

Michele Bachmann

“…” Michele’s warm-hearted, wordless response to an eight-year-old boy who tells her that his mom is gay and “doesn’t need fixing.” Later, Michele tells fellow intellectual titan Glenn Beck, “”I think it’s shameless to use a little boy, and put that little boy forward to advance an agenda issue.” And if anyone knows about shameless, it’s Michele.

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