Abner! Come look out the window. You’ll never guess what the Stevens family is up to this time.
Abner! I said come look. It’s absolutely filthy. They must think it’s art. Art! Why, the very idea. I’m going to go call all the girls in the bridge club right this second and tell them to peer our their windows. Everyone should see this rotten, tasteless display.
Abner, what is this world coming to? Why can’t some art just be left in the doggone museum? What are we supposed to tell the children? We haven’t even talked to them about sex yet. Yes, I know the statue isn’t actually doing anything sexual. But it makes me think about sex when I should be thinking about needlepoint, and we can’t have that.
For Christ’s sake, Abner, why won’t somebody do something? I know. I’ll do something. I’ll call the news. Yes, that nice reporter Julie Knucklefoot down at the local WRRZ ought to be able to put together quite a tidy little package for the 6pm newscast. That’ll get some tongues wagging. I won’t be satisfied until this penis has been thrust into the face of everyone in the tri-state area.
Oh, Abner, what do you mean, I should just call the Stevens family and ask them to take the statue down? Don’t talk rubbish. Now, take your hands out of your pants and get me the phone book.
Via Wicked Gay Blog