Many of us acknowledged our queerness in our teen years. Whether we expressed it was another story! As covered in depth at LGBTQ Nation, it can take years for queer youth to feel comfortable opening that closet door, and the heteronormative high school experience certainly doesn’t help.
“[American society] still broadly pretends that people are straight until, at some point after age 18, they proclaim themselves otherwise,” Charles Dunst wrote for The Atlantic in 2019. “Parents and schools have long recognized the need to accommodate nascent heterosexuality in wholesome ways—for instance, by organizing school dances and providing basic education about how the reproductive system works.”
But queerness, Dunst argued, “is widely understood to be inherently and only sexual; by this logic, all things LGBTQ should be relegated to adult spaces.”
Related: Gay teens confess their biggest struggles in high school
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
Some of the Twitter users quoted below went to great lengths to pass for straight in high school. Some don’t know how they didn’t know at the time that they were gay. And some — including celebrities Connor Franta and Bianca Del Rio — don’t know how others didn’t know. Read on for the confessions…
i literally had a period in high school when i would half-jokingly call everyone dear, sweetie, honey, sis, and would talk about "spilling the tea" non-stop
and people were surprised when i later told them i'm gay??????????/
— Ternasyl (@TernasylLuter) October 11, 2022
me when ppl in high school asked if i was gay https://t.co/kiHGguaGYH
— freak ass (@b0ngmilk) October 5, 2022
Somehow didn’t realize I was gay in high school even though I would go on American Apparel’s website just to look at boobs
— larnnit (@larnnit) October 5, 2022
me trying to beat the gay allegations in high school pic.twitter.com/onbmx7hWmP
— Nicholas Dante (@nicholasdante_) August 15, 2021
thinking about how all it took was a girl to sit on my lap once in high school for me to realize i was gay
— rae (@devilsbae69) October 11, 2022
I never had to come out to family as a gay man. Being the lead in three high school musicals was enough to send the message. #NationalComingOutDay
— Drop The T ???? (@thisaintnew) October 11, 2022
Me in High School when everyone called me Gay: pic.twitter.com/RnQBQi6mMM
— I’m In My Villain Era (@RoyalPrince01) August 29, 2022
Not me re-downloading WattPad and seeing all the gay romance/werewolf supernatural stories I was obsessed with in high school… pic.twitter.com/BfwHPOnu4O
— kyle (@fat__kyle) October 9, 2022
I came out 18 years ago as a sophomore in high school. A friend had just told me (via AIM) that he was gay.
I responded that I’d never actually felt attracted to girls; until that moment it hadn’t really occurred to me that I could actually be gay.
— gary the spooky corgi fairy (@pnwcorgay) October 11, 2022
Shoutout to the girl who told everyone I was gay in high school before I officially came out. ???? pic.twitter.com/lbiInKdg9l
— Noeee?? (@_iamnoeee) October 11, 2022
in high school I had a best frenemy and when we got really mad we would call each other gay and storm off scream/crying like I HAAAATE YOUUUUU! then we went to college and ended up being each other’s first girlfriends until we were 24 lol
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) April 7, 2022
i cant believe i went to the midnight premiere of twilight in high school and no one knew i was gay
— Connor Franta (@connorfranta) August 16, 2020
i really owned these in high school and thought no one would know i was gay pic.twitter.com/o0Lx2Y5PVV
— the r is silent (@a1andar) September 6, 2020
me and my hag denying the gay rumors about me freshman year of high school pic.twitter.com/da8WVK5hF0
— guy. (@lyfeofguy) October 7, 2022
In high school my mom offered to buy me a subscription to a quality gay porn site cuz of how many viruses I harbored to my PC. Happy Mother’s Day ??
— Dylan Adler (@DylanAdler6) May 10, 2020
WERE YOU GAY IN HIGH SCHOOL??
ME :??????? pic.twitter.com/y12wBeV6A0
— Bianca Del Rio (@TheBiancaDelRio) March 15, 2021
Related: Tim Federle on revisiting gay high school in ‘High School Musical: The Musical – The Series’
Me: *in high school*
Aunt: “Are you gay”
Me: ?????????? “… no”
— Velvet (@VelvetIsCake) March 6, 2021
i should’ve known i was gay in high school when i forced my straight friends to turn off a football game so we could watch the premiere of britney spears’ music video to womanizer
— Ricky Dillon (@RickyPDillon) October 6, 2020
can't believe I was forced to argue against gay marriage in a mock debate in high school but I can believe that I won
— JP (@jpbrammer) January 8, 2021
When I was in high school I saved all the money I’d made selling quiche at the Renaissance Festival to buy my parents (and me) tickets to see Sweeney Todd on their anniversary… and somehow they still didn’t know I was gay.
— Bryce Tache (@brycetache) February 7, 2021
thinking about a gay couple i knew in high school who announced their breakup by making both of their Facebook statuses the complete lyrics to “For Good”
— dbs (@dbs_tweets) July 12, 2021
bachy
In High School I:
1. Was the designated “school artist”
2. Was chosen to portray Romeo in a production of “Romeo & Juliet”
3. Furiously masturbated fantasizing about Science teacher Mr. McDonald
4. Hyperventilated when I saw how hairy and… er, developed some of my classmates were in the gym showers
Queer? You be the judge.
dario717
I only wish there had been a decently attractive teacher in my high school for me to fantasize about when I was that age. Barren landscape!
abfab
How to choose? Chuck, the bus driver, elementary school. I was the last stop. The way he would smile at me, lick his luscious black lips at me, wink at me. Oh, Chuck. But he was always a gentle soul and it’s all good.
Several coaches. 6th grade, Mr Weiner. Not kidding. Oh god I could go on. FYI, I didn’t read the article (I seldom do) so I was just going off on bachy’s list. I like bachy!
abfab
Oh, and with Chuck the bus driver, it was always thru his rear-view mirror. I would move from the back to the front seat at the end of the route. He remains a template of hotness.
JeffBaker
I’m Bi, but I didn’t realize until I went to college! The “liking girls” part threw me off! I thought I was just jealous of good-looking, buff young guys! (I should have realized from how I felt about Burt Ward in that skimpy Robin outfit that I wasn’t straight!) These days I’m out and happily married to my husband. And while I still notice good-looking, buff young guys these days I’m only jealous of the “young” part!
GayEGO
Back in the 1950’s, when I was in high school, I knew I liked guys and I never even heard of the word gay. I played the flute, piccolo, and saxophone in concert band, marching band, and pep band. I tried having a girl friend as it was something we were supposed to do, but I had no physical attraction to girls. I pushed it all aside and I went into the Navy, went to the Navy Music School that was in Washington D.C./Alexandria at that time. That is when I found out about gay life. I was transferred to Boston, met my partner in 1962 when I decided to follow the teaching – Know thyself, and To thine self be true. I understood that to mean – Know who you are and be that person. We were together for 57 years, married 15 years in Massachusetts. We lived the American Dream. My husband passed away in 2019 at the age of 88. My point is that love is very important and having a mate is also very important. Sex is second to love.
abfab
I am sending you love.
abfab
Jr High. Posters on the wall, Elton John Caribou. Village Voice, stacks on my dresser, mostly all turned to the back pages. My grandmother telling me that ”your father thinks Mark is a homosexual”…..I was 15………..she was right.
I stuck up for the gays and lesbians in HS who were so obvious it wasn’t funny. I had ZERO tolerance for bullies, I was? Italian, and hot, still am, and knew how to handle the assholes and the jocks. I;m beginning to think I should read the article in case I am totally going off on a tangent…..nothing new there.
RIGay
I went to a small HS just outside Pittsburgh; we had 140-ish in our graduating class, all white. It was an excruciating homophobic and racist environment where the Alpha males in the class made jokes about driving down to Liberty Avenue to “beat up some queers”. There was a small group of us “not quite fitting the Alpha male model” folks who found each other. That kept us sane until graduation (79). I just welded the closet door shut until I moved well out of that environment.
In hindsight, I am thankful to have stayed in the closet. This was just before AIDS began, and ravaged the community. I know what my mindset was back then – I wanted SEX, lots of unprotected SEX. I stayed closeted and celibate through the beginning of the AIDS pandemic. By the time I came out (89), I had an eyeopening education from a compassionate community on practicing and enforcing safe sex with what ever partner(s) I had. I know damn well I would have gotten myself infected had I come out sooner.
I love that these youth are able to express themselves, openly. It makes me feel really good about the future of our community.
Ronbo
That’s my story also… but only 7 classmates in my class, so much, much smaller town of 500. One gay older schoolmate and one gay younger than me… two of us stayed celibate and the other died of AIDS almost overnight. All of my 80’s sexually active friends died…tortured but never alone.
I eventually found true love and remain married 35 years later. I still think of my first straight love with fondness for lean redheaded chestnuts. It was wrong in all the right ways… for me, at least. Redheads and erections are synonymous.
mailliw110
I was in high school in the late 70’s. Rumor had it that our student body president, when I was a freshman, was gay. When I graduated in 80, the OCA (Oregon Citizen Alliance) was just starting out. And with the support of the Republicans, including President Reagan, started going after gays. It scared the poop out of me.
Stan H
High school was a Nightmare!!! I dreaded everyday. I always hope those people that made my life hell would get there’s. 5 years after high school someone that made my life Hell was broken down on the side of the road. I didn’t know who it was at first. When I asked their name I just “Turned around and left”.
ioweegian
First openly gay man I knew was in high school. He had quit school for a couple years, so he was a grade behind me and 2 or 3 years older. He wasn’t even the slightest bit shy. One guy pulled the “You do me and I’ll do you” and reneged – he made sure everyone knew. Another time, Spring break, he ran around looking for… pain relief – he’d gotten into an international orgy and was apparently a quite popular bottom.
Then there was my closeted ass and 2 other friends. We all came out after graduation, I was the last, but none of us knew about the others at the time. Sigh. If I could go back, knowing what I know now…
Ronbo
American Horror Story gets it perfectly this time with the elegance of Angels in America. The music montage ending is true and powerful art. Ugly and beautiful.
MusicBoi74
I graduated from both a Christian high school and college. At the time, it was all I ever knew, and seemed normal. Oh, did I mention that I am also a pastor’s son? I didn’t come out until after graduating from college (would have been expelled if I had sooner). I’ve since found out about a few other guys who were also gay, oh the trouble we could have gotten into!