It’s a scientific fact that gay people walk faster than straight people.
OK, OK, maybe it’s not a scientific fact, but it’s definitely a #fact.
Earlier this year, a petition was launched in the U.K. asking parliament to consider installing “gay walking lanes” specifically for queer people who, for whatever reason, are always in a hurry.
In June 2019 interview with GQ , psychologist Ian MacRae hypothesized that the correlation between homosexuality and walking fast had to do with a variety of factors all working in tandem.
“The fastest walkers are men, younger people, and people who live in urban areas,” MacRae said. “So already younger men in cities are the fastest walkers–perhaps gays just have an edge on that?”
Honestly, we’re not sure why gay people walk so fast. And when paired with the fact that we’re also always late to everything, the phenomenon becomes even more mysterious.
And now, the tweets…
Person: Hey, can you slow down? You're walking a little fast for me
Me, gay: I'm sorry, no, I physically cannot
— Just Another Human (@batteryisfixed) August 12, 2019
anxiety being gay
walking too fast
— macroaggressive (@thai_brows) April 25, 2019
Gay Pride is being in a boot and still walking twice as fast as other people in the hallway.
— Tom Robson???? (@ThomasMRobson) May 7, 2019
? Making my way downtown walking fast
faces pass and I'm homebound. pic.twitter.com/VuWCvG1t32
— Tristan Adler (@Tristles) May 25, 2018
When Vanessa Carlton said “Making my way downtown, walking fast” that was gay pandering
— Alex (@hellohubbard) September 25, 2018
Gays walk fast until they practice their internalized homophobia at crosswalks. Move bitch I got brunch.
— Casey Thibodaux (@casey_actually) August 4, 2019
i read on here that gays walk fast for no reason and ever since then i’ve realized how many people i pass when walking to my destinations. straight people walk SO slow omg.
— jalen ? (@itsJalenB) October 18, 2018
Spot the gay people
Can’t find them?
That’s because they all have an unnaturally fast walking pace and left these poor hets in the dust
— Moira Rose’s Wig Collection (@MoiraWig) December 15, 2018
We all know there are three things all gays love: walking fast, iced coffee, and nuclear fission
— Nico Brancolini (@NBrancolini) May 18, 2019
My dad The gays
— 160315 Yoongi (@pinchethot) October 26, 2018
Gay culture is walking super fast along the edge of the sidewalk because you're never too out to feel guilty about occupying space!
— Adam Sass (@TheAdamSass) July 20, 2018
gays on their way to class walking fast for no reason pic.twitter.com/OrOvlWR2HL
— noah (@icybuIIet) October 3, 2018
yes I am gay
I drink iced coffee
I walk real fast
and I want to date my twin!
— magical and universal otter of love (@some__fool) August 11, 2019
walking so fast my phone thought I was driving…gay things
— jonathan (@cry_twombly) March 7, 2019
Do gays walk fast? Or do straights walk slow? That is the question. (Definitely the latter).
— Sam Z. (@Samzman926) August 11, 2019
Google Maps: It will take 17 minutes to walk to your destination.
A gay pedestrian: pic.twitter.com/76yfEvTjnQ
— Chris Hanna (@Chris_Hanna) March 27, 2019
Straight people, look behind you, chances are there's a gay person trying to get past because you're moving at an extremely glacial pace
— dejan (@heyDejan) March 8, 2019
It used to be cool to be a smart gay who could flay people with insults about theory and rigorous historical knowledge, but now being gay is just like using Instagram and walking fast.
— Brandon (@blgtylr) July 23, 2019
Overheard at a coffee shop: “the gays will live forever because they walk so fast”
— Lisa Humason (@Lisahumason) August 5, 2019
this is why gays be walking so fast all the time pic.twitter.com/eNJ1zRZthl
— ???? (@maindancertae) August 5, 2019
I walk so fast (gay) normally that my Apple Watch doesn’t even recognise I’m walking when walking with slow (straight) walkers ???
— mark the i’m not gay (@markimusbrutus) August 3, 2019
Gays walk fast because they learned to walk to the beat of Womanizer by Britney Spears. pic.twitter.com/jC1k6BRXSA
— Chill (@JozsefBocotan) March 30, 2019
being gay means always walking fast but never going on runs
— Billy Butler (@WilliamWButler) December 27, 2017
making my way downtown walking sonic fast, memes go past, and i'm gay now pic.twitter.com/76HaCbTkWN
— maxie | st3 ?.*? (@gothmcloughlin) February 16, 2016
We all know the thing about gay men walking fast, but are we also all speediest at using cash machines? I demand someone commissions a study.
— James Goss (@gossjam) August 5, 2019
Ay any university wanna throw me an honorary degree in the things I do best??
-Telling twenty stories to get to one point.
-Walking fast to gay house music.
-Staring at stuff in my apartment and imagining being productive.
-Drinking cocktails alone.
— Petty Mayonnaise (@ConstantFail) May 24, 2019
str*ight ppl that move out of the way when they hear fast walking gay ppl are the greatest allies alive
— HitmonVers ? (@MilkmanNick) March 19, 2019
google maps: “12 minute walk”
yoonmo (gay, caffeinated): “8 minute walk” https://t.co/HRS3jLTox8
— ##masie?~ (@kosmicminjoon) July 31, 2019
gays sit down and instantly put their feet up on something because we’re so tired from all the fast walking
— shauntay (@shauntae_stay) September 16, 2018
gays always brag about walking fast and yet we’re all always 10 minutes late to work
— ? z ninetales ? (@Z_ninetales) July 6, 2019