It’s a scientific fact that gay people walk faster than straight people.
OK, OK, maybe it’s not a scientific fact, but it’s definitely a #fact.
Earlier this year, a petition was launched in the U.K. asking parliament to consider installing “gay walking lanes” specifically for queer people who, for whatever reason, are always in a hurry.
In June 2019 interview with GQ , psychologist Ian MacRae hypothesized that the correlation between homosexuality and walking fast had to do with a variety of factors all working in tandem.
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“The fastest walkers are men, younger people, and people who live in urban areas,” MacRae said. “So already younger men in cities are the fastest walkers–perhaps gays just have an edge on that?”
Honestly, we’re not sure why gay people walk so fast. And when paired with the fact that we’re also always late to everything, the phenomenon becomes even more mysterious.
And now, the tweets…
1.
Person: Hey, can you slow down? You're walking a little fast for me
Me, gay: I'm sorry, no, I physically cannot— Just Another Human (@batteryisfixed) August 12, 2019
2.
anxiety being gay
?
walking too fast— macroaggressive (@thai_brows) April 25, 2019
3.
Gay Pride is being in a boot and still walking twice as fast as other people in the hallway.
— Tom Robson???? (@ThomasMRobson) May 7, 2019
4.
i’m:
?? gay
?? straight
?? bisexual
? Making my way downtown walking fast
faces pass and I'm homebound. pic.twitter.com/VuWCvG1t32— Tristan Adler (@Tristles) May 25, 2018
5.
When Vanessa Carlton said “Making my way downtown, walking fast” that was gay pandering
— Alex (@hellohubbard) September 25, 2018
6.
Gays walk fast until they practice their internalized homophobia at crosswalks. Move bitch I got brunch.
— Casey Thibodaux (@casey_actually) August 4, 2019
7.
i read on here that gays walk fast for no reason and ever since then i’ve realized how many people i pass when walking to my destinations. straight people walk SO slow omg.
— jalen ? (@itsJalenB) October 18, 2018
8.
Spot the gay people
?????????????????????????
??????????????????????
?????????????????????????????Can’t find them?
That’s because they all have an unnaturally fast walking pace and left these poor hets in the dust
— Moira Rose’s Wig Collection (@MoiraWig) December 15, 2018
9.
We all know there are three things all gays love: walking fast, iced coffee, and nuclear fission
— Nico Brancolini (@NBrancolini) May 18, 2019
10.
My dad The gays
?
walking fast— 160315 Yoongi (@pinchethot) October 26, 2018
11.
Gay culture is walking super fast along the edge of the sidewalk because you're never too out to feel guilty about occupying space!
— Adam Sass (@TheAdamSass) July 20, 2018
12.
gays on their way to class walking fast for no reason pic.twitter.com/OrOvlWR2HL
— noah (@icybuIIet) October 3, 2018
13.
yes I am gay
I drink iced coffee
I walk real fast
and I want to date my twin!— magical and universal otter of love (@some__fool) August 11, 2019
14.
walking so fast my phone thought I was driving…gay things
— jonathan (@cry_twombly) March 7, 2019
15.
Do gays walk fast? Or do straights walk slow? That is the question. (Definitely the latter).
— Sam Z. (@Samzman926) August 11, 2019
16.
Google Maps: It will take 17 minutes to walk to your destination.
A gay pedestrian: pic.twitter.com/76yfEvTjnQ
— Chris Hanna (@Chris_Hanna) March 27, 2019
17.
Straight people, look behind you, chances are there's a gay person trying to get past because you're moving at an extremely glacial pace
— dejan (@heyDejan) March 8, 2019
18.
It used to be cool to be a smart gay who could flay people with insults about theory and rigorous historical knowledge, but now being gay is just like using Instagram and walking fast.
— Brandon (@blgtylr) July 23, 2019
19.
Overheard at a coffee shop: “the gays will live forever because they walk so fast”
— Lisa Humason (@Lisahumason) August 5, 2019
20.
this is why gays be walking so fast all the time pic.twitter.com/eNJ1zRZthl
— ???? (@maindancertae) August 5, 2019
21.
I walk so fast (gay) normally that my Apple Watch doesn’t even recognise I’m walking when walking with slow (straight) walkers ???
— mark the i’m not gay (@markimusbrutus) August 3, 2019
22.
Gays walk fast because they learned to walk to the beat of Womanizer by Britney Spears. pic.twitter.com/jC1k6BRXSA
— Chill (@JozsefBocotan) March 30, 2019
23.
being gay means always walking fast but never going on runs
— Billy Butler (@WilliamWButler) December 27, 2017
24.
making my way downtown walking sonic fast, memes go past, and i'm gay now pic.twitter.com/76HaCbTkWN
— maxie | st3 ?.*? (@gothmcloughlin) February 16, 2016
25.
We all know the thing about gay men walking fast, but are we also all speediest at using cash machines? I demand someone commissions a study.
— James Goss (@gossjam) August 5, 2019
26.
Ay any university wanna throw me an honorary degree in the things I do best??
They are:
-Telling twenty stories to get to one point.
-Walking fast to gay house music.
-Oral
-Staring at stuff in my apartment and imagining being productive.
-Drinking cocktails alone.— Petty Mayonnaise (@ConstantFail) May 24, 2019
27.
str*ight ppl that move out of the way when they hear fast walking gay ppl are the greatest allies alive
— HitmonVers ? (@MilkmanNick) March 19, 2019
28.
google maps: “12 minute walk”
yoonmo (gay, caffeinated): “8 minute walk” https://t.co/HRS3jLTox8
— ##masie?~ (@kosmicminjoon) July 31, 2019
29.
gays sit down and instantly put their feet up on something because we’re so tired from all the fast walking
— shauntay (@shauntae_stay) September 16, 2018
30.
gays always brag about walking fast and yet we’re all always 10 minutes late to work
— ? z ninetales ? (@Z_ninetales) July 6, 2019
Related: 30 tweets about gays and iced coffee that are absolutely 100% accurate
hithere2
I’m gay and walk fast – never knew this was a thing.
EdHusky
Same here. I walk fast all the time. I never knew it was something gay men did.
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Kangol2
Is it to be first in line to get iced coffee? LOL
evanxx
I’m a gay senior and intentionally walk faster than everyone else, because that brisk 1 hour walk is my cardio workout EVERY DAY. It’s also because I want to catch up to that sexy butt up ahead of me, & get a look at his basket!
Talktu Sampson
Is that why Tom Cruise is always running ???
darkanser
I’m a fast walker too. It might have to do with living in the city and not having a car. For these reasons, I prefer to do my grocery shopping in the morning between segments of my commute– less other shoppers to slow me down.
ShowMeGuy
Straight people are conditioned to walk slow because…. up until recently….. only straight people had little kids (OFFSPRING) slowing them down.
darkanser
You may have a REAL point there. In the grocery store I often steer clear of aisles when I see families occupying them. Unless there’s something in that aisle I want, I assume the families will take FOREVER to allow me through.
witchboybrian
I am also a gay fast walker. I didn’t realize this was a gay thing but it is a me thing. I’ve got things to do.
I am also a little late to everything, go figure.
batesmotel
That’s an interesting bit of trivia, but I don’t know true it is. Although I’ve been known to walk fast, but I do everything fast. I like to get stuff done and not waste time. But many of my gay friends don’t walk fast so not sure how true this actually is.
Hussain-TheCanadian
I walk fast too………what the fu………there has to be a psychological reason………could it be we’re running away from something? Fear leading to “running away”?
Mmmmmmm………
Dunnedin
I keep finding these “if you’re gay you…” tidbits and think, “I must not be gay, I don’t…” This phenomenon may be urban vs non-urban, cold weather vs hot weather. Unless I’m late, I tend to stroll or meander. Then again I am a Southerner. We take things slower. 🙂
JessPH
Guilty. I have always been a fast walker since I was a child. I totally had no idea that this is a gay thing. I hate it when slow walkers occupy the entire sidewalk
ethan_hines
I don’t know if this has happened to you but. You get behind a slow walker especially a female and you want to pass them but they speed up! ?
Samuel1966
We’re marginalized enough to have our own walkway ,this is ridiculous!!!!!
woodroad34
I used to be a fast walker, because I couldn’t stand to be around so many people I didn’t like. Now that I’m older, my back hurts and I’m stuck in a hell of someone else’s making.
Seth
I only have one speed and it’s called get there, now. Dawdling is not on the menu.
TxCudlr
Why is ALL of this needed or necessary???? THIS is just ANOTHER way to make fun of gay people, to use against gay people, to make gay people look bad, & ANOTHER reason for haters to make fun of & hate gay people even more than ever!!!!!!! This article is just another rue to make gay people look bad, instead of doing an article to make gay people look good, in ANY subject. How come there is NO article about how slow “STRAIGHT” guys walk?????
Master Rick
How about talking faster than everyone else. Dead give away for men
djmcgamester
Categorically not true. In NYC, where I lived until recently, is generally a fast-faced place. Having moved further upstate, I don’t find myself rushing around. You know what they really need separate lanes for (something I discussed with a straight friend of mind, somewhat in jest)? People walking with their heads down and staring at their phones. They slow everything down, even for the casual walkers.