How have you not heard about the gay Prince of Rajpipla, Manvendra Singh Gohil? His royal parents famously disowned him when he came out, he went on Oprah to talk about his HIV activism, and he traveled icognito to find his true love. Well now the fabulous prince wants to build India’s first old age home for gays. And though he’s already decided on a including spirulina farm for medicinal use, he’s still planning the rest. So here’s five good suggestions for the wealthy prince’s community and we’re not just talking Jazzercise classes. Our features would excite even the Golden Girls.
As an AIDS and HIV activist, the Prince knows the importance of good health. It’s great that he’s building a spirulina farm, but why not expand it into a full greenhouse apothecary filled with other herbs for medicine and cooking? To promptly address the needs of his older residents, he should also have quality physicians who specialize in geriatric medicine on staff for regular check-ups, scheduled appointments, and emergency calls.
Plus, it’s widely known that physically fit seniors have higher mental acuity and mood, so he might want to include a pool, walking track, and low-impact aerobics room staffed with personal trainers. The exercise would keep seniors active while keeping osteoporosis, degenerative arthritis, and muscle atrophy at bay. Just keep your suits on in the hot tub, okay residents?
Eight hours of arts-and-crafts time can make anyone’s fingers hurt. So how about a gorgeous library with large hardwood tables, easy to reach bookshelves filled with masterpieces of gay and straight media, tall windows that let in lots of natural light, and large comfortable chairs to make sitting back with a good book a relaxing and worthwhile experience? He could even have audiobooks and readers for the hard of hearing, braille books for the blind, and a regular schedule of visiting guests so seniors can stay educated about LGBT history and current issues. I hear that Cyndi Lauper likes to talk a a lot.
Who knows how hoppin’ Rajpipla’s LGBT scene is? But old queers have needs too and the fresh Prince can certainly play Cupid so his guests don’t get too lonesome. Residents might opt in for computer classes and community profiles to stay informed about the interests and availability of their neighbors. Media savvy love gurus could help seniors meet people online or coordinate meet-ups between residents and friendly foreign visitors. The Prince might even consider inviting LGBT lovers of all ages to stop by for special mixers or installing intimate spaces throughout the facilities — such as garden nooks, small niches in the hallways, and secluded booths in the dining hall — to help set a romantic atmosphere for whenever special visitors drop by. Some adjustable beds with Select Comfort mattresses would also come in handy should the old folks decide to get freaky-deaky. Know your sleep numbers!
Old folks enjoy hanging out and getting wasted too, they just can’t travel as far away to do it. So whether they wanna cut a rug while sippin’ on a Harvey Wallbanger or just enjoy a queer Bollywood musical or depressing performance of The Children’s Hour, Prince Gohil should consider stocking a good bar, laying down a large dance floor and constructing a stage for live performances. He could even offer gay tango lessons or acting and music classes so that older LGBTs can not only enjoy modern entertainment but also perform it if they want.
Between fighting HIV and building the most fabulous elderly facility known to man, The Prince can’t think of everything, can he? No, he can’t. So why not hire a concierge army of Indian locals who know how to get the residents whatever they want without expecting too much baksheesh? They could even work as community outreach coordinators so that old folks interested in charity work can get out in Rajpipla and do some good deeds. Plus, a few travel specialists on hand could arrange weekend jaunts to nearby locales or even day trips to favorite local restaurants, clubs, and hidden gems. That way, no one has to feel like a shut in.