PSA

5 signs that you might be biphobic (and not even know it)

When it comes to the LGBTQ acronym, there’s one group that is routinely left out of the discussion: Bisexuals. For whatever reason, many queer people are still hesitant to embrace their bisexual brethren, despite the fact that we’re all kinda in the same boat.

A 2013 study from the University of Pittsburgh Graduate School of Public Health found that many people, including many gay men and lesbians, still hold negative perceptions of bisexuals.

A June 2016 study from the University of Vanderbilt found that bisexuals reported higher levels of stress and more severe drinking and smoking habits, which researchers believe is a result of their feeling ostracized by society.

And an August 2016 study by Columbia University’s Mailman School of Public Health interviewed nearly 200 closeted bisexual men about why they remained in the closet. Their answers ranged from fear of being ridiculed to worry that their friends and family members would treat them differently.

Of course, celebrities like Boy George who tweet biphobic “jokes”, and Amber Rose going on the radio to say she wouldn’t be “comfortable” dating a bi guy certainly don’t help matters.

So for your convenience, we’ve put together a helpful list of five indicators that you might be biphobic (and not even know it)…

5. You say things like, “Bisexuals aren’t real.”

In an article published by Psychology TodayDr. Saul Levine says denial is “a psychological defense we all use at times to reduce our anxiety when it feels particularly disturbing.” Enough people identify as bisexual these days to reasonably suggest bisexuality is, in fact, real. Just like global warming. And evolution. No #alternativefacts here, folks. These are scientific truths.

4. You believe bisexuals are “greedy.”

OK, let’s stop and think about this one for a moment… You’re basically saying that bisexuals are modest in their appetites when they are with one gender, but complete gluttons when they are with the other. Soooo which is the modest gender? And which is the gluttonous one? And does that mean the bisexual person can sleep with as many people belonging to the modest gender as they want and never be considered greedy? Or, if not, what’s the cutoff?

3. You would never in a million years date a bisexual.

Hmmm. If you heard a person casually say “I could never date a black guy” at a party, chances are you’d probably think they were a wee bit racist. The same rule applies when it comes to talking about bisexuals. Writing off an entire group of people based solely on their identity is, by definition, prejudice, regardless of how you choose to justify it.

2. “Bisexuals are sluts who will sleep with anyone!”

Remember that whole DADT argument about straight soldiers being “uncomfortable” with gay soldiers because they didn’t want to feel they were being ogled in the shower room, as if gay men have the uncontrollable urge to sleep with every other man they lay eyes on? That was pretty ridiculous. Equally ridiculous is the assumption that a bisexual person wants to have sex with every person of every gender they see. And, even if that were true, who cares? What’s wrong with being a slut?

1. Bi now, gay later.

Ah, yes. The old argument that a person tentatively comes out as bisexual as a way of testing the waters before making the plunge into the gay pond. Sure, this happens on occasion. But that doesn’t mean there aren’t plenty of men and women who identify as bisexual today and who will still identify as bisexual ten years from now.

Even if you’re still feeling suspect, perhaps you could give them the benefit of the doubt?

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44 Comments

  • speedieg

    I don’t think I’m phobic, I simply don’t understand what bisexuals want. They claim to want recognition but I think they have it. Statistics show that the majority of bisexuals are in opposite sex relationships like 80% so in those they are considered straight and can do as they please. For the remaining 20% they are treated like gays and there experience is no better or worse. Do bisexual desire that their same sex relationships and opposite sex relationships always be classed as a 3rd type? Do the desire bi-sexual only laws? I don’t know. I’m not trying to be hurtful or difficult. I truly do not get it.

    • Heywood Jablowme

      Yes – politically, it’s unclear what they want.

      Sexually (regarding bisexual men), they apparently want more gay men to want them?

      But this article confuses sex / dating / politics, as articles like this almost always do.

    • Shimata

      Is it really confusing and unclear what we want or do gay men simply lack the empathy and understanding that they often brag about? It seems obvious to me what bisexuals want, and not just because I’m one myself. We want the same things that everyone else wants, gay, straight, or otherwise. Gays act as if we aren’t affected by the same issues that affect them, but we are. Regardless of outward appearances, we are gay and straight at the same time, yet perpetually treated as if we’re some weird “others” with nothing in common with either side.

      You imply that we’ve always had what we wanted because 80% of us are supposedly living heterosexual lives anyway, but why should that mean we’re any less concerned with what happens in the world of gay politics when it’s part of who we are? Sure, some bisexual people might turn a blind eye to what happens in gay culture because they’re functionally heterosexual and seem to have no investment in the gay world, but that’s not true of the majority of us regardless of whether we’re in heterosexual or gay relationships. I was just as happy as any gay person when marriage equality became law because that meant that I could marry the man I love if I wanted to. And even if I had no desire to marry another man, why wouldn’t I want that right for others?

      And to answer your other question about whether or not we want “bi-sexual only laws,” how would that even play out? We’re humans with human needs and desires just like gay and straight people; we’re not some different species that requires a different set of rules of engagement. Regardless of how gay people see us, we’re not detached from the LGBTQ community; rather, the LGBTQ community seems inclined to erase us or pretend that we don’t matter if we aren’t with a same sex partner. We mean nothing to you unless we’re “functionally gay.” Honestly, gays often act as if we’re worse than the heterosexual people who actively hate us all simply because some of us can “fit in” if we want to. But what if we don’t want to fit in? What if we want our relationships and lives to be valid regardless of the gender of our partners? So I’ll expound upon my earlier sentiment: we want the freedom to live our lives the way we want, and to love whomever we choose to love without pressure from other people who want us to conform to their fragile and narrow minded sense of the world. How is that any different than what gays want?

  • Mo Bro

    As a bi guy in college, I can attest that gay men on my campus are frequently suspicious of me . . . but not nearly as suspicious of my sexuality as they are of my politics—as is regularly evidenced on rabidly anti-conservative gay sites such as this.

    • speedieg

      well what are your politics, how does it differ from Gay or Lesbian politics?

    • MaxH

      That’s a bit like complaining the Jews were anti-Nazi. LGT people are generally opposed to conservative politics because conservative politics are opposed to them. You would maybe understand that more if you weren’t destined to live the life of a breeder. Bisexuals hide behind their opposite sex attractions, without ever dealing with the harsh realities gay people face. I accept bisexuals but I’ll never be concerned for your well being.

    • DMRX

      @speedieg: You must be new here. Mo Bro is a die-hard conservative Trump supporter. It’s no wonder that he claiming to be bi, since he’s obviously hoping to end up with a woman and therefore couldn’t care less less about same-sex rights.

  • mmedesevigne

    Hello? Conservatives have a really bad record when it comes to gays and civil rights in general. Or hadn’t you noticed?

  • Prax07

    I’d def say I’m bi phobic, and a bi hater as well. Every bi guy I’ve ever had the displeasure of knowing has been a liar, a cheat, sexually and emotionally selfish, and mentally unstable. So now, after my most recent ex (a bi narcissistic abuser), I’ve had to include “No Bi guys” into my app profiles.

    • Donston

      I dated one man who identified as bi and have some sexual relationships with a “straight but into gay sex” men. The only one that seemed sane, open-hearted, non-narcissistic quickly came out as gay to me during our time together.

      I’ve learned over the years that no matter the label, so many people are just manipulative users. But ultimately, I think I made the right decision of settling down with homo-identifying man.

  • Heywood Jablowme

    Are bisexuals really that desperate? They already get plenty of attention from gay guys. Sexually, there are LOTS of gay guys who want bi guys. Sometimes out of open-mindedness or sheer curiosity. Sometimes for the wrong reasons – i.e. they think “straightness” is a turn on, etc.

    But apparently that’s not enough for the bisexuals, since there is this constant drumbeat (as with this article here) to the effect that All Gay Men MUST Be Open To Dating Bisexual Guys, Or Else You’re A Bigot!

    Relationships can be difficult enough when you realize you can’t satisfy 100% of your partner’s sexual interests, or vice versa. When it comes to dating (versus casual sex), some of us gay guys want someone whose sexuality we can understand fairly easily.

    • Donston

      The refusal to talk about internalized homophobia, obsession with retaining hetero dynamics, fetish and ego driven sexual behavior and identity, narcissism and the DL when articles about those “disrespected” bi-guys are posted continue be irritating as is constantly being told that if you don’t want to date a bi-sexual identifying person you’re prejudice, insecure and a general horrible human being.

  • Jack Meoff

    This article only addresses the minority of bisexual identifying people who want visibility and acceptance. As Speedieg pointed out 80% of bisexuals are in hetro relationships and most of those don’t necessarily want to be out. Most (particularly the guys) want to maintain their straight privilege while occasionally partaking of the delights of man on man sex.

    I have had discussions with bi men I have been with on whether they would pursue a relationship with a man and most have said no that they would only date women but they like sex with men too. This is why most gays are unaccepting or untrusting of them. Most bisexuals seem unwilling to commit to their own identity so until they accept it in themselves how can they expect others to accept it.

    • hithere2

      Yes exactly – I am SO TIRED of “bi but hetero-married down-low guys” or “‘straight’ and hetero-married guys” contacting me for sex (or wanting to “go out and get coffee and go to museums, and then maybe sex too….”). What in the hell? In the past these would have been called closet cases (because they ARE) – and honestly I would feel for the what I’m assuming is the clueless wife back home. I refuse to be the “other guy” in DL sex for the “straight (?) guy.” This is why I say I won’t date most bi guys – because many times the bi guy is already partnered with a woman. (If the bi guy is truly bi and truly single, that’s a different story.) But in the end it is very easy and very “safe” to hide at the “heteronormative” end of the bisexual spectrum.

  • Neonegro

    Bisexuals don’t need any help from or association with gays.

    They can live a comfortable straight lifestyle with all the benefits and still screw with men on the side.

    Crying gays are jealous and envious of bisexuals.

    • Jack Meoff

      Than why are they bitching and moaning about not being accepted?

    • Neonegro

      Actually no real bi-sexual is bitching or moaning.

      Real bi-sexual men do not want to identify with gays.

      It is just the radical gays and fake bisexuals acting up as always.

  • natekerchel

    I think I have seen Neonegro refer to ‘crying gays’ on at least 3 topics today. The underlying tone is homophobic in my view. One has to wonder why he, and his other friends on here, bother to come. They are not going to change anyone’s mind on the trump or his deluded followers.
    On the issue being discussed – I have to admit that I rarely give a thought to bisexuals. My own impression is that when the issue comes up it is almost always in relation to men. Bisexual women rarely feature. I do not have any issue with bisexuality in general – it is the right of all to be who and what they are. The only thing I notice is that a huge number of bisexual men appear to want to identify as straight when it suits them – only bisexual when they want man sex on the quiet. And that is why many gay men do not trust bisexual men. It seems that gay men are only useful for sex when it comes to the vast majority of bisexuals. If that is a wrong impression I am sorry , and I am willing to be convinced it is a wrong impression.

    • Neonegro

      natekerchel, we have no intention of changing the mind of the radical gays. they are all emotions.

      We simply say our piece in case some normal younger gays not yet indoctrinated are visiting the site.

      The goal is to show them that there is an alternative to the pink tutu camp.

    • Donston

      This type of mindset (pretty baseline internalized homophobia) has become increasingly normalized. It seems many gay men don’t know how to not be a flaming queen without developing self-hate. “If I’m gonna be openly gay I at least have to let the world know I’m not a basic homo”. They spend their whole sad lives trying to subvert every stereotype, supporting politics they don’t really believe in just because of they don’t want to attach themselves to the majority. All the time not realizing they’re “radical” and “crying” stereotypes themselves.

  • OzJosh

    You left out “Most would-be bi guys are just old-fashioned closet cases”, typically trying to distance themselves from the gay because of good old-fashioned internalised homophobia. Of course, that one’s a lot harder to refute.

    • Donston

      I’ve met a couple guys who flat-out said that they had zero sexual attraction to women, zero sexual interest in women and had no intentions on dating women but they identified as bi and had sex with a woman every once in a while just to prove to themselves they weren’t scared of pvssy. Sh*t like that this place is scared to write about.

  • J.T.

    I have no problems admitting I’m bi-phobic and would not/have never dated a bisexual knowingly. My objection is political. Bisexuals have no problems riding on our coat tails and then trying to deny that any political advances THEY have made is because of OUR activism. Bisexuals could care less about gay civil rights. They seem to be in the game for the fun of it and to give us the gift of having sex with them. Otherwise, when the going gets tough, they will quickly revert to breeder status and be just as homophobic as a middle-class Republican.

    • natekerchel

      You make good points Oz and J.T. As I said, I just never bothered to think about the issue very much, though like someone else said, I would have avoided any kind of personal relationship with a man who claimed to be bisexual. The suspicion would always have been that he would use me until it suited him to go and get married and return to the hetero world. Maybe that is unfair.

    • clhs

      You mean “couldn’t care less”. You really do.

    • Shimata

      I’m bisexual and have always been politically active. Aren’t you a little old to be throwing around such ridiculous blanket statements about entire groups of people?

  • Prax07

    There seems to be no end to bi guys in my area that are on the dl wanting sex with men. CL is overflowing with married guys looking to get off with another guy, or “str8” guys with girlfriends looking for a discreet guy to hang with and have “fun” with. None want relationships because they’re all already partnered with women. Every single bi guy I’d ever interacted with, from co-workers to sex partners, have had a main woman in their life fulfilling the relationship role, yet all have no qualms about lying to them and using men to just have sex with. It’s the easy lies that get me. It’s like lying and being a user is built into their? DNA. They don’t want or care about gay rights because they all live hetero lives with the gay parts being sex only. So lgbt politics aren’t on their radar.

    • Shimata

      Right, because lying is an exclusive ability of bisexuals, right? I don’t have enough hairs on my fuzzy body to count all the times I’ve heard gay or straight people lie about sex, love, and relationships. But keep telling yourself that gay men don’t lie.

  • Tracy Pope

    Bi, liberal, and in a relationship with a man almost 11 years now. He is aware I’m sexually attracted to women just as women I’ve dated (and one I married) were aware – before a serious relationship – that I’m sexually attracted to men. I’ve never been in any type of relationship other than a monogamous one but I’ve never felt the urge to break up and leave a relationship because I thought someone else was hotter or that my relationship was stale. I don’t believe that’s how relationships work.
    I’ve worked my butt off for LGBTQ equality in my community and I’m proud of our accomplishments yet I’m very aware there is bi-phobia (what a stupid word) within some gay circles. I’d rather someone be upfront about it with me if we started dating instead of seeing them write how much they hate bi men here in the comments.

    • Shimata

      Careful there, buddy. If you humanize us too much, they’ll swear you’re lying. They don’t want to believe that there are out and proud and active bisexuals who don’t fit their negative, preconceived notions.

  • Donston

    This long arse post is entirely about male sexuality. I try not to touch on female sexuality too often in my posts.

    Over the years the men that I have met who have come off as true-blue bisexual men (openly bisexual men who have real and substantial sexual attraction to men and women and who actually view men and women as potential romantic partners) have come off as cool people, or at least no worse than any other type of person. Unfortunately, bi, queer, fluid, etc, labels are still being used to cover up an array of different things.

    Yes, these labels are still frequently used as a way to keep the “gay lifestyle” at arm’s length and as a way to maintain hetero romantic and personal lives. Many of these types of men just see homo identifying men as sexual objects and people to party with. Whether it’s due to internalized homophobia, fear of social ramifications of being seen as gay or because of hetero dynamic obsession- they remain obsessed with retaining some sense of hetero-normalcy. Some simply don’t have any sense of self-worth without being able to sexually and/or romantically please women. These types of guys can have an inherent orientation of gay, straight or bi.

    Then are men whose sexuality is driven entirely by ego, fetish, perversion and narcissism and they use these labels to cover that up. They simply like to sexually dominate different genders and/or be sexuality dominated by different genders. Everything is about feeding their convoluted vortex of an ego. Everything is about “feeling different feelings”. These men can have an inherent orientation that is gay, straight, bi or they may have no real sexual attractions at all.

    Then there are gay and straight men who just think being something other than hetero or homo makes them cooler, more “complex” and doesn’t allow them to feel “box-ed in”. Though there’s typically an element of internalized homophobia or narcissism with those types of men.

    Then there are men who tire of the “gay lifestyle” and get sick of feeling suppressed. And view settling down with a woman as the only way to give their life meaning.

    And I haven’t even brought up the guys on the DL. This was just about who are publicly bisexual, fluid, queer, etc.

    Having a constantly conflicted or convoluted ego will often lead to things like depression or drug habits. So, blaming gay men for “ostracizing” them is a stretch. There are many gay men who worship the ground any non-homo identifying man walks on. No one is kicking them out of club. And there are plenty of women willing to date bi-identifying men. So, once again, that assumption is a stretch.

    There is definitely more education that is needed. But the resentment still exists for a reason. I have no problem with true-blue bi guys. I don’t even have a problem with men who admit to certain fetishes and experimentation outside of their orientation. But there’s still far too much self-denial, internalized homophobia and ego driven behavior and there’s still a refusal for most bi/fluid/queer/ etc identifying men to be honest about their exactly sexual attractions, preferences, romantic interests and what drives their behavior.

    No more “I like different people’s energy”. “I love eating pvssy, so I can’t be a fag”. “I consider myself super complex”. “I guess I just love sex”. “I don’t allow gender to determine who I date or have sex with”. And nonsense of that nature.

    • Donston

      Furthermore, people really need to start learning the differences between sexual attraction, sexual preferences, sexual fetish, sexual habits, sexual experimentation and romantic instincts. Therefore, we’d stop guys like Ezra Miller from saying they’re “queer” because they “like to make out with guys” but doesn’t seem interested in dating men, have no sexual attraction to men and may have not had sex with men. Being straight-forward with people about those things before saying whatever your “label” is needs to be of importance.

    • Heywood Jablowme

      “I love eating pvssy, so I can’t be a fag”.

      Thanks, I guess. You managed to hit on the EXACT reason why I’m biphobic. I can’t kiss a guy who might have been eating pvssy a week ago. Ew!

    • Hermes3X

      I would like to add to the list of men who tire of the “gay lifestyle”. There are also men (and women) who would fit in this “category” those who feel ‘burned’ by a gay relationship. They fell in love with a man and had a devastating break up. They then choose a woman as a partner because they will never romantically love a woman, but can love her like a friend. Therefore, that woman can never hurt him like a man could. They still seek out casual male relationships, or acknowledge that part of themselves by identifying as bisexual.

    • Donston

      That’s definitely part of what I mean about tiring of the “gay lifestyle”. They get their heartbroken and/or get cheated on and fear re-investing. Then there’s the “I’m tired of living an isolated life. I just want to be normal” guys. There’s the “I feel like I can only have a baby with a woman so it’s time to settle down with one” men. The “gays are all about partying, drugs and sex and I’m sick that” guys. Though the probably is usually the type of men they decide to hang around with.

  • b2rocketfan

    I don’t get the big deal over all of this. If someone like cake and pie we don’t judge them. If someone like dick and the vag, go for it. I’m a 100% fan of the dick, but life’s too short to worry about what goes in Someone else’s mouth. Enjoy and be safe. Otherwise, why do people feel the need to make a point. Some people like cats And dogs. ?

    • Donston

      The need to “make a point” mostly comes from gay media and bi identifying people who keep saying they’re “victims” and they’re upset that they’re not recongized and that people questioning who they are and what their intentions are hurts their feelings, especially when it comes to bi-indentifying men. It’s usually articles like these that initiate this type of discussion.

      Also, it’s not really about “liking something” so much as it’s about people being honest about who they are and their intentions. People not using people for sex or to fit into a certain cultures. And about people not understanding or pretending like they don’t understand the differences between sexual orientation, sexual preferences, sexual behavior, sexual fetishes and romantic interest. As I’ve said quite a few times on this board, people would be a lot better off if they did real research on the nature of sexuality and the psychology and socialogy behind it instead of depending on places like this and chats with their horny friends.

      I do wish it was a simple as you try to put it. But we still have a long ways to go before it gets to that point.

    • Donston

      It’s also about the larger picture of internalized homophobia, obsession with hetero-normalcy and the effects that ego and narcissism have on sexual behavior and identity. But none of the writers for this cite are willing to discuss those types of things. They’re far more interested in investing in gay-guilt and cliches.

  • Hermes3X

    5. Yes, while I do believe bisexuality is real, there are certainly plenty of folks who have identified as bi, as a step to coming out of the closet. Bisexual doesn’t mean you can have sex with both, it means you can have a romantic/sexual relationship with both. Situational Bisexuality (prison), Bisexuality of Convenience (gay man marring a woman or having a beard) is not true bisexuality. My dog will hump a teddy bear, that doesn’t make him a plushie, it’s situational. The truth is, there are folks who claim to be ‘bisexual’ who are not, but want to appear as such, or are confused. The reason for the stereotype that they are closeted is self evident.
    Identity Politics makes it appealing for an individual to adopt an identity which isn’t truthful to their essence (Rachel Dolezal, anyone?). That is all fine and good. More power to you; be who you want to be; Identify as you wish. What the psychology studies are less likely to determine is how many people are adopting a false sexual ‘identity’ when the participants are lying about their essential self or are simply unaware. I don’t believe that it is bi-phobic to postulate that more self-identified bisexuals are lying about their essential selves, then self-identified gays or lesbians are. When I hear terms like “sexuality is fluid”, that just sounds like something Donald Trump would say, “The truth is fluid”. Sure, sexuality might seem fluid TO YOU, you might actually believe in a construct where sexuality is fluid, just like Trump sees the truth as fluid and believes in that construct. But that doesn’t change the facts. Sure, there is no Black & White in the world only Grey, but that does not negate the fact that there is a dove grey (or silver, charcoal, slate, etc.); and Dove Grey will always be Dove Grey; it doesn’t suddenly transmute into Charcoal Grey. This relates to the number 1. reason as well.

    3. You are equating race with sexual orientation, and I think that is misleading. If a gay man at a party were to say, “I would never date a woman”, is that sexist? (depending on the context, maybe. If he’s responding to “my sister has a huge crush on you, you should go out with a woman at least once in your life” that’s different than volunteering, “I would never date a woman, they bleed down there, don’t they?) Just because a gay man can have satisfying sex with a bi-man, doesn’t mean he wants to. Just because he can have sex with a straight man, doesn’t mean he wants to. Just because he can have sex with a 60 year old, 500 pound man, doesn’t men he wants to. And not wanting to isn’t a sign of bigotry. If I have one prejudice against bisexuals, it’s because of those I have met who believe that because I am gay, I should want to have a relationship with them. The fact is, there are certain experiences I have had that I want to share WITH my partner, and being gay is one of them. Sorry, fellas, but, as this article so thoroughly points out, being bisexual is not the same experience as being gay. So no, I probably won’t be dating any bisexual men, soon, now that you mention it.

    • Donston

      I agree with much of this, though not all. I can accept “bi-guys”. Hell, if I was still single I wouldn’t have a problem a dating a bi-identifying man if we hit it off, I didn’t detect he was lying, I didn’t detect extreme narcissism and that he made it clear that he was both more sexually attracted to men and more interested in being with men. Also, I’ve always been a monogamous (even when I was dating women). So, we’d have to have an understanding on that front.

      The argument that bisexuality isn’t real, particularly in men, is a dead one. It is real, but too often there’s other things going on. For instance, very few men who identity as bi say they have real and substantial sexual attraction to men and women. It seems many people are still incredibly naïve and ignorant about the nature of sexuality. And LGBT media still refuses to acknowledge how much ego, fetish/perversion, internalized homophobia, misogyny, misandry, obsession with hetero dynamics, degree of self-worth and psychological developments like narcissism have to do with many people’s sexual behavior and identity. Until we start to talk about these things and until the media is willing to “go there” not a lot of in-house progression can be made on this front.

      We can talk about embracing and supporting one another all we won’t, but until we stop glossing over self-destructive behavior, self-hate, certain privileges of some and the psychological and sociological differences and problems of many then that idea of everyone coming together just rings empty and shallow.

      But yes, telling people that they have to date certain types of people otherwise they’re a-holes is not the answer.

    • Donston

      Oh, the main problem I have with your post is the idea of wanting to have sex with someone or developing a desire to have sex with someone reflecting your orientation. Wanting to have sex can often reflect ego, fetish or instincts rather than real sexual attraction or even romantic interest. For example, it may turn someone on to be able to sexually please multiple genders, even ones they don’t have sexual attraction to (that’s especially the case for gay men who seek sex with women). Or someone may like being able to feel like different people while engaging in sex with different genders. This all reflects ego, narcissism and fetish. There’s sometimes no desire to “romance” a particular gender but rather being able to do so lifts up your ego and sense of self. We need to stop believing that the ability to enjoy having sex with a gender equates to that gender being in your orientation/sexual attraction.

  • Shimata

    *I posted this comment over a week ago, but it’s been perpetually stuck in moderation, presumably because I used profanity. So here’s the “cleaner” version that’s hopefully in compliance.*

    I hate articles like this, not because there’s anything inherently wrong with them, but because the gay men who often comment go on so pretty insulting and myopic rants.
    So you know some douchebag bi guys? Guess what? There are plenty of douchebag gay guys and straight guys as well. You need only objectively read your own comments on this article to see that. Or, better yet, visit your local gay watering hole and open up your ears. Do you hear that garbage and vitriol flying through the air? Yeah, a healthy dose of that is gay guys being douchebags. Own it.
    You don’t know what we want? Really? We’re not an alien species, you know. We want the same things you want, like love, respect, freedom from others’ negative preconceived notions, and lots of amazing sex. SHOCKER!
    Most bi guys are in heteronormative relationships? If this is true (I’ve been in a gay relationship for the past 3 years), so what? Why should it be surprising that most bisexual people are in heterosexual relationships if that’s what’s more familiar for them? And here’s a newsflash for you: gay culture is typically more judgmental, vicious, and spiteful. How can you blame anyone who isn’t accustomed to that for looking at it and saying, “You know what? I think I’ll just go with the path of least resistance.”? Don’t be jealous because we have another option (which honestly isn’t all it’s cracked up to be anyway).
    Bi guys just use sex with men to feed their own egos? Um…and gay men don’t? Miss me with that BS.
    You don’t believe bisexuals are real? The last time I looked in the mirror, I was pretty sure I wasn’t a unicorn, so I’m definitely real, and so is my sexuality. You find it disgusting that I’d put my mouth on a woman’s vagina but you have absolutely no qualms about shoving your face in another grown man’s poop chute? Look up the word hypocrite; you’re likely to see a picture of your face. You have a problem with sexual fluidity? That sounds like a personal problem to me, partner. Go deal with it.
    You claim bisexuals just ride on gay people’s coattails? I’m quite active in this “community” of ours despite what a large part of you think about me. So are a lot of bisexuals that I know. But you don’t really want to hear that because you love having scapegoats to dump on. And consider this: the term bisexual is a fairly modern construct. For the vast majority of modern history, there was no third option; you were either gay or straight, regardless of whether or not you actually fell somewhere in the middle of the spectrum. I know plenty of gay-identifying men who are actually bisexual, but feel uncomfortable using the label “bisexual” because it’s at odds with how they’ve always identified. All this is to say that you have to be an idiot if you honestly believe the only people who paved the way for the LGBTQ community were gay men or lesbian women.
    Are bisexuals really that desperate? So you read an article that addressed how SOME bisexuals feel, and all of a sudden you believe it to be Bible scripture about EVERY bisexual? How basic, lazy, and myopic of you.
    You would never, ever, EVER have sex with a bi guy? What you should be saying instead is that you would never KNOWINGLY have sex with a bi guy. How do you know the trick you took home last week wasn’t bisexual? How do you know the guy who banged you like a ragdoll in the blackout room wasn’t bisexual? When you meet a guy in the bar, do you ask for his sexual orientation membership card? Do you announce your gay orientation to every guy you meet in a nightclub? And let’s be real here: if you were all as discriminating as you like to pretend you are, we wouldn’t have a problem with various STI’s in our community. But go ahead and blame that on “DL” guys to assuage your own guilt and minimize your culpability. It’s okay; you can’t help yourself.
    Bi guys want to maintain their hetero privilege while still sleeping with gay men on the side? Okay…and? If you’re gay and white, don’t you still want to maintain your white privilege while being gay? Why is my “hetero demeanor” a problem for you when you’re on your high horse, but not a problem for you when you’re on my dick? And let’s be 100% honest here: you gay men fetishize “str8 acting” men more than you fetishize feminine men, so why don’t you shine a light on your own internalized self-loathing instead of blaming bisexual men for acting in precisely the way that you desire? I mean, have you taken a look at the content of this site and others of its ilk? You guys certainly have an obsession with the hetero aura, whether it’s manufactured or legit.
    In closing, just stop being turd blossoms about everyone who isn’t a carbon copy of you. If you need to tear another group down just to elevate yourself, that’s pretty sad. Instead of always reacting to someone else’s plights with mockery and disdain, how about, I don’t know, actually being a decent human being with compassion and understanding? Be better for a change.

    • Shimata

      Ugh. I hate grammatical errors. Especially my own. To wit:

      “…gay men who often comment go on [some] pretty insulting and myopic rants.

      There are also a few other instances that no one except other English majors are likely to notice, but I’m too drunk and lazy at the moment to correct them, so whatevs. I’m always picking nits. I should stop that.

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